"What time is it?"
"It's springcleaning JoelLee's apartment time!"
And I'm being very inconsiderate and not helping because, well, I frankly don't really know what to do seeing his stuff is strewn all over the floor (: So yes, I found out I got tagged by Bue (: At least I think I did, because you know recently, I found out that there are alot, of 'Sarah's' around.
.
Okay before I start, I would just like to say that I think I'm actually very content the way my status is, and that I'm in no rush to find a partner now. There are times when you see people holding hands and you melt but I guess, rushing into a relationship isn't going to determine eternal happiness. So yes, when the right guy comes along, then we'll just see how it goes (: Oh, and sidetracking, I talked to Mummy and Daddy about this the other day and they said that they've been praying about it since I was a little girl (: Haha, how oober sweet hmm? My future life partner has been prayed for already and I don't even know who he is (:
.
Rules:
1. The victim has to come up with 8 different points about his/her perfect partner.
2. Has to mention the gender of his or her partner
3. Tag 8 other victims to join this game and leave a comment on their blog.
1 Godly guy.
I think the respect for God has to be there ultimately. He has to be able to stick firmly to his own morals which I guess will in turn help encourage me to stick to mine. Being able to do that comes from being strong enough in Him. And when he sticks firm to knowing whats right and wrong I guess there will be less complications because He will be there guiding the whole relationship (:
2 Tall, dark, handsome; smart.
It's apparently human behavior to prefer pretty things so it's okay to prefer, a pretty guy right? I think I very much go for the tall, athletic build, dark haired, dark eyed, sweet mysterious guy over the blond jock which everybody loves. Oh, and if he is tooo pretty, he might actually intimidate me so I think the balance needs to be there too (: So yes, good looks are preferable. And I guess that just proves I am, human.
3 Great personality.
This takes the award for the most cliche statement but really, it is important. I hate, the personality of people who flirt just for flirting sake? And impress to get attention? The ability to be comfortable in his own skin and stand firm in everything he believes in is important because then his real personality shows and you know, he's not a phony. And I think gentleman-ness rates very high on my list too (: Because males who don't respect females are such turnoffs.
4 Entertaining.
Those of you who know me would be very aware that I get bored very easily. You can give a kangaroo and within 15 minutes, I'll get bored out of my wits. So being able to entertain and have fun with me genuinely at the same time would be a huge plus point. And I don't mean the typical entertainment like dumping me into a cinema seat beside him all the time? I mean entertainment that results in the strengthening on both sides of the relationship. Oh, like going on a reverse bungee and toilet rolling a house with me (: That kind of thing you know?
5 Understanding.
I'm a person who can get very moody for no reason so him being able to understand will certainly make everything alot easier. So him being able to make me smile and feel better because he genuinely cares when I fell like biting my own head of, is excruciatingly important. Yup, the good feeling factor is a vital part of the package I require while purchasing someone (:
6 Patient.
With me and the relationship. Bearing all my bad hair days without giving up so easily, and patiently going through the relationship ones step at a time. Not, to put those of you who do it down, but frankly speaking, I detest the whole passionateliplocking in front of the world when you've only know a guy for a few weeks thing. That's just cheap. Being patient to see how far the relationship goes has to be there. Oh, and I detest the whole, 'I'm dating someone so I can say I have a girlfriend' thing too.
7 Gets along with the family and friends, genuinely.
I think the tension when sitting down in the living room, meeting the family scenario cannot be there. That's just creepy. Being comfortable with the family and both sides taking a genuine liking is important too. Like you know the show 'Monster-in-law'? I think I'll go crazy if something like that happens. The liking has to be real, and not put on just to impress. The respect has to be real. If not, it would just be like a fly flying around your face; annoying.
8 Imperfectly, perfect.
I think the last important point would be the liking for him has to genuinely, be from me. The whole concept of having a crush is not agreeable to me because I think I want to fall for someone not only, because of the way he looks, but because of him as a person.
For everything he does imperfectly, perfectly, stupidly, sweetly and humorously.
To love all the things the does genuinely, and not because of what he puts on in front of me.
To love all the things he is and is not, and to appreciate him as a person for everything he stands and believes in.
I would want to be able to see his imperfections, perfectly and not judge them but love them? Like perfectly loving his imperfections.
.
Okay (:
I think I'm done.
And still single but that's okay because I think I'm happy this way for now (:
Oh, come to think of it, I really don't think a 'perfect' partner exists la.
It's more of a aiming to achieve a perfect relationship that allows the 'perfect-'ness' of a partner to reveal itself.
Urgh, I think this whole relationship thing is so confusing ):
Boo.
'Taa then.
.
No pictures yet from Melbourne though.
When I get back.
And I climbed a tree with Jo-anneYu yesterday so that cancels of number 67 on my list.
Giggle, giggle.
JoelLee has just awakened from his slumber and is pushing me of the computer.
Go on, say it to him.
"Booo."
I miss you all in Malaysia.
I really do ):

I'm lower than you on the world. Geographically speaking (:

Hello from JoelLee's roon in Melbourne (:
My fingers are similiar to popsicles currently.
It's supposed to be summertime now but it's been raining and the weathers pretty chilly.
Oh, and speaking of timing and summertime, EVERY time I go, "What time is it?" genuinely, Sandra replies me with "Summertime!" Ppft, the dangers of High School Musical laa I tell you.
Anywho, the rest of me feels okay it's just my fingers that have lost it's blood circulation. I can't feel the keys as I type ): Boo.
Melbourne's been pretty good and this confirms that I'm still alive and breathing. Also I can't upload any pictures because I didn't bring my cable but nevermind.
We've seen JoelLee and his hair is longer now. Yup, that's all I can think of (: So the whole Lee family has been reunited which feels nice after a few months.
Ohh, and I have a feeling this whole chilly weather thing has been getting to my head. The whoole day today, I've been making oober stupid comments. Okay, I'll begin from the morning and gradually work my day up towards the later part of the day, k?
.
So we went horse riding and our instrustors were from Holland.
Sarah : Ey, since they're from Holland, that makes them Hollish, right?
JoelLee : Noo, they're Dutch laa.
Sarah : But I thought that Dutch's were from 'Dutchland'?
JoelLee : Noo, 'Dutchland' doesn't exist.
Sarah : Oh, then what about Dutchlady on the milk carton?
JoelLee : Yaa, she's from Holland.
Sarah : Ohh.
PPFT.
.
We're looking for a cafe which apparenltly is supposed to be quite good and is called 'Marple'. We drive around but eventually don't go to it because we can't find it. While, trying to find it, we pass an inn called Maple Inn and Daddy asks if that's the right one. It isn't and we continue driving on.
Sarah : Hmm, just look for Marple tree drawings then we'll probably find the cafe (:
The whole family : What's Marple tree drawings?
Sarah : Omg, how can you not know? The syrup from the red coloured leaves? Ya, those are Marple leaves.
The whole family : That's called a Maple tree.
Sarah : Ohh.
PPFT.
.
We're on this tower on top of a hill and there's a binocular thing which needs coins to be inserted in order to view the, well view. A coin is inserted and I look inside. After a few seconds, I still don't see anything.
Sarah : You know I think we should sue the people who made this thing. The made us put in coins and I can't even see anything.
JoelLee pushes it down.
JoelLee : That's because you're only looking at the sky. -____-"
Sarah : Ohh.
PPFT.
.
There's this lamb dish which I don't eat but the rest of 'em do.
Sarah : Baby cows are lambs right?
The whole family looks at me and stops in their motioning.
Mummy : Calves la, Sarah. Baby cows are called calves.
Sarah : Ohh, then where are baby lambs from? ):
Mummy : Sheeep Sarah, sheeep.
Sarah : Ohh.
PPFT.
.
So yes, I blame the weather. All, the weathers fault don't you think? Anywho, it's been fun.
People here are really friendly (:
A guy in a car waved to me and I waved back (: -I don't know if he was drunk though.
The whole city of Melbourne is really pretty- alot of students coupled up so it gives you a really cosy and romantic atmosphere but nothing too heavy if youknowwhatImean (:
I'm seeing JoanneYu tomorrow (: (:
And the gelato here tastes really nice (:
Do pray that I don't look fatter when I get back though. It's soo scary. Urgh, pleaseletitgotomyheight, pleaseletitgotomyheight, pleaseletitgotomyheight, pleaseletitgotomyheight, pleaseletitgotomyheight, pleaseletitgotomyheight, pleaseletitgotomyheight.
Overall, I reaally like Melbourne.
Hee, I'm off now.
Have a great week everyone (:
I miss you all ):
Especially youu.
'Taa.

Nic says:
Hey babe. I'm gonna type a long msg here. I was just reading your blog and stuff. and like. I'm so proud on how far you've come in terms of your recovery, and i think you've grown so much as a person along with it. as in, i can actually see you more mature now than last time. and like, i think apart from finding friends along the way, you have also come to find yourself I'm really so proud of you k?
Nic says:
Keep it up! Loveya cant wait to see you

.
I came back from lunch and I found this on the screen from Nic (:
I didn't know what to say, or how to feel but then I started tearing.
Tearing because just those simple sentences held so much meaning and I didn't even have to look up the dictionary to see what any of the words mean.
Tearing because they came from someone special and beautiful just the way she is.
Tearing, and taking every single sentence to heart because a year ago, I could not have imagined that I would be here, reading that then writing this today.
Tearing because a year ago, I would have not even imagined, that I would be able to do even half, the things and meet the people I've met this year.
Tearing because I know, somehow, everything worked, or will work out according to His plan and it has already started falling into place. One piece at a time.
As hard as the moments might have seemed, might seem or will seem, it is somehow all according to His jigsaw puzzle that only, He can put into place; one piece at a time.
It meant alot coming from you Nic (:
And knowing that although we haven't talked for 100000 ages, there is a high chance that the pretzel and fish lady, will still remember butterfree and no oil us.
I miss you hun (:
And then I realized how fast a year has already nearly passed. How quickly time has moved and how through the rough patches, I could eventually pull through with the help of angels along the way. I'm not saying that will be no more rough patches but I know that when they come along, it'll be easier to overcome them now, then it did, a year ago.
I know that even in the midst of the entire struggle which He allows to happen, it will eventually pass and that will just be another hurdle that has been overcome.
And then I remembered about the whole thankfulness thing in church. How everyone who stood up mentioned how thankful they were to You, and how you sent Him.
I sat there and wondered why nobody was standing up and mainly thanking them for materialistic things. You know, like their clothes, camera, car and items they possessed in their hands. And then it hit me, that if we didn't start thanking You for You in the first place, it would be so much harder to thank You for the things we have. Because I guess at the end of the day, everything comes from you.
I started off with trying to be thankfully about the stuff I had in my hands. Like the white leather bag which I knew would sooner or later get dirty, the shoes on my feet that I new would eventually give me blisters and the earings I was wearing that were enlarging my ear lobes that you could almost see through them. Then I stopped, and realized that all the things were actually blessings? And that somehow, they were provided for and came directly from You. I mean, of course not literally but through provision those things could be allowed into my hands. And then I thought about how throughout the year, constantly things have been provided for. Efforts made have been worthwhile and journeys made have been beneficial. People who have been there all along, people who have helped along the way, and people who continue to inspire everytime.
I know both Daddy and Mummy have asked why. I have asked why.
But then when I think deeper, I should just quit the asking, start accepting and make the best I have out of it. Because I think the least that could be done for You, is be thankful for everything hmm?
It's hard to accept that you are there during bad times.
And that 'through my hardest times, you carried me all the way.'
It's hard to accept myself.
It's harder not to compare.
But it's nice to know that a year ago, it was winter when we went to Melbourne.
And now, it's summer.
It's nice to know that although stressed, Mummy isn't crying like she was a year ago.
Nice to know that I know what to pack.
Nice to although being scared of being away for two whole weeks, am actually looking forward to enjoying the time there. Rather then looking forward to when the cold would be over and I would be back again.
Nice to not need to think about what he would think of how I look, but rather of how you would think I have moved on. (Not that I don't care about the looks (: )
Nice to know that I've grown, not only in height (: But to have been told by someone and then be able to take it to heart that it's the growing inside that also counts. And it counts more than the height part (:
It's nice to be here today. I think that's all I need to say.
Oh, and of course, I really do thank You.
For all the losses and all the gain.
From learning and accepting through all the pain.
And knowing that at the end of the day, will help me get through it and You will reign.
And really, as hard as it is to remember sometimes, at the end of the day, the growing inside is what will help me pull through.
No matter how heavy the task maybe, the inside growth develops more muscle inside than the outside can bear (:
Gah, I'm scared. But I think it's a good kind of scared. It's a somehow evenifitisharditwillbemanageable kind of scared.
I think.
.
Let me know if any of you want a kangaroo.
Or a surfer dude.
But frankly speaking, I think a kangaroo will be easier to bring back. We might have to get the passport, scan, health check and everything done for the human.
But let me know la (:
And I shall see, thoseofyouwhoIsee when I get back (:
I'll miss everyone.
I really will ):
Will update when I can.
And if anything interesting happens while I'm gone, do tell me and post a comment.
Okay, I don't think there's anything else I need to say.
'Taa.
Hugs and, err hugs.

Gibberish.

You know how I'm always complaining that my bladder is too small?

And that because of that, I always go to the loo?
Oh, I go nearly every half an hour. Apparently, it's because I just drink alot of water.
I swear because of what happened today, I officially hate my bladder.
I walked out of the restaurant after lunch to relieve myself and somehow, walked into a guys toilet.
Thank God, when I walked in all the guys were, either inside or the loo was vacant.
I walked into the cubicle and the first thought was "Omg, the service is really dropping. I never knew the toilets would be so messy."-Oh, and just to make this clear, I went to the squatting one, not, sitting mind you. Eew ):
Feeling more disgusted than I already was from having used the public toilet, I was aiming to get out as fast as I can. I opened the door, and you know what I see? A man's behind -____-'
I was quite shocked because you know, what's a man doing in a girls toilet hmm? And I never knew they had the fountain things on the walls in women toilets. And then, I turned around heading to the sink when all of a sudden, I see, three. Yes not just one, three men washing their hands at the sink. The stupid thing was that for that teensy second, I freaked out because I thought the toilet had been infested with a bunch of sick men. And then, it hit me, that the mens toilet, was just really holding a exceptionally, blur girl; me.
It hit me hard and I let out a shriek, "Oh my gaaawsh." and me being me, got them to turn their heads and stare at me. Even fountain man okay. I screamed and ran out as quickly as I could, hoping that they would think it was just their eyes playing tricks on them.
PPFT.
I think I've never been so embarrassed in my whole entire life ):
I told daddy and he laughed. LAUGHED. Out loud too mind you.
Aah! ):
He told me I shouldn't have shrieked and just walked out because then they might not have realized. But tell me, when you're faced with four opposite genders looking at you because you're in the wrong toilet, can you really just walk away like nothing happened?
Aah! ):
Till this moment, I don't know what and how it happened. Seriously I think my brains ability to react is related to the fullness and desperation of my bladder needing to be emptied; I mean how could I have not seen the sign! ):
I am never, showing my face in public again. Either that or I'll check again, and AGAIN, before going into the loo.
So yes, the main thing I'm disgusted about is that I actually used, a guys toilet. I mean, I know it could have been worse if I used the sitting one but thank God, the squeaky force of cleanliness drove me to squat instead.
But, just to make things, clear, I didn't see anything okaay.
My eyes have been kept clean since young and I intend on keeping 'em that way; for a long time.
Yuck la, I am so, disappointed in myself.
I need a hug ):
.
On the happier note, we went hiking in Kiara today and we sneaked in to the equestrians stable where they keep the horses.
Yes, HORSES.
They strictly put up the sign, 'no trespassing' but Richard said it was apparently okaay, so in we went. And thank God because I got to touch a horse!
And you know in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory where Verruca Salt(which I think is her name) goes to her father in the English accent and says;
"Daddy, I want another pony."
I'm going to try it to MY daddy now (:
Hee, "Daddy, I want a pony (:"
You notice how I can't say another?
Unless of course, you, get me a pony before my daddy does.
Oh, and Li Ling, if you read my blog? I miss you Daddy, Iwantanotherpony girl ):
And this is the horse we got to touch (:
Oh, and Jason and me think that horses's eyes are very big.
I think if you compare them to the humans eye, it's about four times the size. I'm not sure but, it seemed so when I stared into it's eye (:
Kinda like O_O.
Also, my rough figuring out of how to play Lifehouse-You and me has resulted in my fingertips becoming red and blistery ):
Oh the suffering you go through just to learn how to play a song you like through following people's fingerings on Youtube.
Oh, I got JoelLee's guitar strings tuned and fixed already.
The strings are all new (:
So JoelLee, look forward to sexy strings when you get back.
Sexy and shiny strings.
.
It's Melbourne in a few hours.
I'm actually going to miss Malaysia ):
Smacks head.
Yes, I really am going to.
I'll miss you,
and miss you,
and miss you
and miss you.
Boo how sad.
But then again, I'm seeing Jo-anne (:
And we are going to take pictures.
And maybe we'll get a picture of a horse too.
.
So okay, I need to pack NOW ):
And I owe Marie a what 'I hope to be in 20 years time' post.
Because I apparently didn't finish saying it in class.
.
So yes, I'm going now.
And really, I am going to miss you ):
'Taa.
.
I'm starting to rant on my blog ):
Notgood, notgood, notgood.

Knock, knock.
I'm here.
The mirror doesn't lie. What you're seeing is real.
Unfortunately all, real.
Skip, walk, up, down, run, swim.
Don't try your jeans on; they won't fit.
Then make them fit.
The one year old bangles, that slid from your wrist, right across to the arms.
Beautiful.
But they can't do that now can they?
Then make them slide down, Sarah. All the way down.
The frame, the shapelessness, the outline seen, the pain while swallowing, while inserting the contacts to the dehydrated eyes, cold burning sensation from the wooden chair.
The pictures, in perfect condition.
The envelope, sitting where it was a year ago.
Assuming your intentions behind the suggestion.
Stare at the mirror, just long enough so you don't see the whole picture.
Or shatter, it will.
You push, I push harder.
You intimidate, I put on my scary mask.
You got edgy, I got edgy.
I calmed down, and backed away.
Swim harder. Then harder.
Run fast. Then faster.
"Help her Sarah, help her; because you know how it feels."
I'll try Mummy, but not today.
I'm helping myself today.
And I know eventually, I'll win with her hands down.
Because as hard as it is to accept on bad days, I do, have more muscle than you.
And I didn't come all this way, push this hard, and climb this high, to fall down again.
Really, I didn't.

And it was all; SHALLOW.

Rachel tagged me but I didn't want to do this alone. So being such a sweetheart, she's accompanying me to do it.
The sad thing is that most of the opposite gender I know are from church and that makes everything thaat much more awkward so you know why I got her to do it with me hmm?
Anywho, just to note that this is in the name of FUN and also boredom contributes hugely. If any statement made is offensive, I deeply apologize and will make you a cupcake in due time.
Also, I would like to point out that being only 15, I really do not agree with some of the questions mentioned but as I said, boredom hits you in the head real bad sometimes. So as for now, I really am content on having;
1 The pool.
2 Pen and paper.
3 Romeo; my dog.
-as soulmates. Pools don't talk back to you, you control what you draw with the pen on paper and at least Romeo is toilet trained, nearly(:
So hardeeharhar, here it goes.
.

Name 5 Friends Of The Opposite Sex.

- How old are they?
- Where are they currently?
- How long have you known them?
- Tag 5 people
.
Richard.
20 years old.
He's currently, in Malaysia. (Wait is this how I'm supposed to answer this question?)
I have no idea how long I've known him but I remember during church camp when I was five, he pulled my hair 'for fun' and during this game in which he was in charge of, assigned me to eat cucumbers. Oh and on his blog, I'm apparently named Squirtle.
Ppft -_______-'Gadiy.
19 years old.
He's in Malaysia. Or he could be sleeping in college class (:
I have no idea how long I've known him either actually.
I know he used to climb over the toilet walls when he was really young! And he takes care of his siblings pretty well so, yeah (:
Han Jung.
19 years old.
I know he works in KL (:
And I can't remember exactly when I've met him too. I know he used to follow JoelLee to Youth when we were younger with his sister Cherru, my heaart (: And I used to sit quietly in the backseat becase I was the youngest among all three of 'em.
He's a twin.
Oober cool, hmm?Joel Lee.
Yes, this is him (:
19 years old.
Unfairly, he's currently studying in Melbourne. He gets all the kangaroos, four seasons, cool buildings and surfer dudes.
I've known him since the day I was born and still remember he threw plasticine out onto the ceiling and it didn't come down. He's my best boyfriend (:
I'm his younger sister and I give him advice.
Oh the power of mighty SarahLee.
Anderson.
He's as he says, 'at the tender age of 33'.
He's currently in Malaysia too. Either that or he's sitting in his black chair which he claims can incline at his office.
Once again, I have no idea how long I've known him but I know he's been very funny since the beginning of the year. He spills icekacang on people and he wants to kill me.
Ppft.
Oh, and he has a relationship with Richard (pointsup)!
Lol, I know we all love the way that sounds.
But no, it's just brothers ): Raats.

Would You Rather...
* Party with (1- Richard) or (5- Anderson)?
Lol, I think Richard.
If I get drunk, Anderson will probably make a documentary and use it against me with his ohsomightypowers.
Richard on the other hand, might get drunk with me and we both won't know and won't have anything to use against each other.
Haa (:
* Marry (2- Gadiy) or (4- JoelLee )?
Gadiy.
Because I don't think you're allowed to marry your own brother, are you?
Haha, ko I can't imagine walking down the aisle towards you (: That'll be so funny.
-_______-'
* Kill (3- HanJung) or (5- Anderson )?
Anderson- now did we really have to ask that question?
Hah, but if I kill HanJung I'll steal Cherru away (: And we'll go make an island with paper hearts.
* Date (1- Richard) or (2- Gadiy)?
Gadiy.
I don't think I approve of the 'steal a man when he has a girlfriend' thing.
So yes, Richard has a girlfriend (andIthinktheymakeagoodcouple) and Gadiy is good at skipping classes- right?
* Make out with (1- Richard) or (3- HanJung)?
Like I said, I'm anti 'steal a man'! So I choose HanJung (:
Okay realistically speaking, I don't approve of making out either till after marriage and I think they whole lip thing is kinda- fishy but for this surveys sake.
* Cuddle with (2- Gadiy) or (5- Anderson)?
Haha, in Anderson's attempt to kill me after I give him my drawing, he might squeeze me to death just like I Anaconda. And because currently, I see no great need to end my life, I won't take any chances. So I would rather cuddle with Gadiy for safety purposes (:
* Have kids with (3- HanJung) or (4- JoelLee)?
Again, 'JoelLee' and 'SarahLee' producing moore 'Lees' is absolutely wrong.
So yes, I would chose to multiply with HanJung.
Oh my gawsh this survey is justsowrong.
-_______-'
(I'm only fifteen people ): )
* Live with (1- Richard) or (3- HanJung)?
The neater one.
The one who can entertain and make me laugh more.
The one who can clean up after Romeo willingly (:
The one who entertains all my complains according to the limit they go.
The one who likes a Bali themed house.
The one who will have a pool and gym, with a rockclimbing wall.
The one who will play waterballoons with me when I'm bored (:
The one who fits the criteria above, the most.
Oh, and I don't approve of living with someone BEFORE marriage too by the way but again, for the sake of the survey.
* Be stuck on an island with (2- Gadiy) or (5- Anderson)?
Haha.
Anderson, because with the amount he'll make me laugh, I might just get so bad a stomach cramp and faint.
Then I won't have to suffer being stuck on the island (:
Hmm, but seriously, I think both of them are funny in their own way so it depends what mood I'm in. Provided I have a mood when I'm stuck on the island.
* Has (3- HanJung) ever hurt you?
Gasp!
HanJung- ):
No la, thankfully I don't think he would hurt a fly (:
* Have you ever hurt (4- JoelLee)?
Lol, now where do I start.
I've slapped him accidentally on the cheek.
I've torn his heart when I kicked over his Lego castle when I was three.
I've punched him in the tummy before.
I've slapped his back.
I've scared him by going 'BOO' when he was alone in the room.
I've given him silent treatment.
I've told on him a zillion times when I was young and had the Barbie fetish.
But no doubt, I still love him and I knoow he loves me too.
(Glares O_O)
* Who's the funniest?
Anderson!
* Can you beat up (5- Anderson)?
Haha.
Haha.
Haha.
This is funny.
Because I actually don't know.
I can, right?
Wait, of course I can!
But I might lose a limb or two, become blind and not have a sense of smell after that.
* When is the last time you saw (2- Gadiy)?
Erm, last Sunday night.
* Who is the smartest?
I don't know here but I generally think smartness means different things to different people.
So no comment here.
Oh wait, ME! (:
I'm kiddinggg.
* How long have you known (5- Anderson)?
I have no idea.
The mental state of torture since then has greatly affected my thinking ):
Haha, but no he's a great guy.
Other from the fact he wants to kill me (:
* Who is (3- HanJung) dating/crushing on?
HanJung?
I have no idea (:
Britney Spears?
Noo?
* Does (2- Gadiy) smell good?
Lol, I don't think he smells baad.
Because when he pases I think you can whiff a scent I'm just not sure what it is.
I'll sniff him and let you know what cologne he uses.
Okay, that sounded kinda weird.
Oh well, guys generally smell okay unless you sniff them after they play sports.
I think ):

Who Has The Better...
* Smile.
JoelLee (:
I'm so sibling-ist here but the guy has dimples (:
Okay I think all of their smiles are unique so in my opinion, noone has the better smile.
They all smile just as well.
* Body.
You see I told you this survey is so wrong ):
Eeek I'm turning red.
Okay I don't think I've ever examined topless guys bodies before.
(Shufflesfeet)
But I don't know the person with a firm tummy and muscles takes this question I guess.
* Face.
They're all different and I don't think it's fair to judge which one looks better again.
This is such a surfaced survey.
I am disappointed ):
* Attitude.
The calm person.
The patient person.
The cheery one.
The one who is capable of looking at the brighter side of things.
The one who looks beyond the outer surface and deeper inside someone.
The man with a strong faith in God.
The one who fits the criteria above the most (:
*Voice.
I don't know!
They all cracked a few years ago so basically, they all sound kind of similiar.
Richard's voice is higher.
Gadiy's voice has a bit of accent, I think.
HanJung's voice is the softer spoken type.
JoelLee makes funny impressions and sounds sweet.
Anderson, shouts during YF. So he therefore is loud (:
Am I correct?
*Clothes.
JoelLee!
Because I buy them for him (:
Muahaha, at least some.

I have no idea who I tag.
The people I wrote about I guess (:
Oh my gawsh, I can't believe I just did this.
You know the Coldplay song- Yellow?
And this was so; shallow.
Nonetheless, I had a ton of fun with Rachel Ho who did this with me.
I L Y hun.
'Taa.

JoelLee?

Joel Lee (:
If you read my blog, which I hope you do, I hope you don't kill me (:
In my ohsonoobish attempt to play Lifehouse- You and me, I completely out tuned your guitar.
Don't worry, before you strum your fingers on the lightly rusted strings, I shall promise to get it back in tune.
Somehow (:
SarahLee loves you and knows you won't slaughter her; right?
Je T'aime and can't wait to see you silly.
Also, I realize that this is my 100th post (:
Thank you all who have been reading and commenting for over nearly a year now.
Somehow it doesn't feel like a year has passed but nonetheless, I am thankful for everything, good or bad that has happened.
Okay Sarah, it's not New Years yet.
Speaking of New Years, I can't believe Christmas is coming up soon.
Oh yay for Christmas trees and snow. Which sadly, we don't have in Malaysia.
Booo ):
And to make it just a little bit more special, I shall aim to play that song, soon after typing this out.
Ooh, my 100th post and it turns out to be an apology.
A very stupid apology.
Nevermind, at least it ended with an aim to complete a goal.
Yaay, see how optimistic I can be?
(:
'Taa.
Oh, and I knoow we all love popping bubble wrap.
Don'twe, don'twe?
.
Added on 9 hours later.
While I attempted to retune one guitar string, it snapped.
I screamed.
And dropped the guitar and jumped up and down.
Tsk, Sarah. After many endless repeats of
"Ohmygawsh, JoelLee is going to kill me!"
'How mummy, hoow?"
'Die, die die."'s,
I calmed down and proceeded upstairs to the computer to see if JoelLee was online. I sat down and the moment I logged in to messenger, he came online.
I got my coffin ready, decided I want my ashes to be thrown into the sea and out of all colours, I was wearing black.
Ppft.
I mustered every ounce of confidence I had, aand then ;
Sarah. says:
Joel Leeeee.
joel says:
sarah leeeee
joel says:
haha
Sarah. says:
Okay if I tell you this promise you won't chop my head of with a parang?
joel says:
haha
joel says:
okayokay
joel says:
what what??
Sarah. says:
Err, and you'll still love me ya!
joel says:
haha
joel says:
that depends..
joel says:
haha
joel says:
jkjk
joel says:
of course!
joel says:
waht??
Sarah. says:
Err, I accidently, while attempting to retune your guitar, broke the string.
Sarah. says:
x(
joel says:
haha
joel says:
is that it!??!!?!
joel says:
haha
joel says:
its okay laaaa
joel says:
need to change the strings anway
Sarah. says:
Oh my Gawsh.
Sarah. says:
Sarah liveeees.
joel says:
i thought you got a boyfriend and getting married or something and didnt tell me!
joel says:
haha
Sarah. says:
(:
Sarah. says:
Haha, oh man you didn't know?
joel says:
funny..
joel says:
haha
Sarah. says:
We already have seven kids -_______-'
So now, I'm still alive and very thankful that JoelLee is my brother (: Who has not yet slaughtered my head and according to him, will not.
Whoopdeedoo.
Aand, I think it's so strange referring to myself in the third person.
Ohsostrange.
Ppft, shoot me.

Ranting- Means branch in Malay.

I. Just. Deleted. All. The. Pictures. From. My. Camera.

Boohoo ):
Of course I saved it to the computer before but somehow, just somehow, it's very saddening to see the original, unedited ones, go down the recycle bin in the computer.
If my computer crashes and all the photos go missing, I swear I will chop off my toe.
Okay, maybe not but that is how much I love the pictures I have collected for over (checks back) two years. That's actually a very short time but I like 'em (: And I'm not praising myself but somehow, no matter how bad the pictures turn out, developing them and feeling their glossiness on your fingertips just give you a tingly feeling. Kind of like how a parent feels when they deliver their baby. NOOT, that I have but, illustration wise, I should think it's similar (:
.
Speaking of cameras, mine is starting to get annoying. Like teenagers who reach their 'hormonal stage'. My camera has started to 'change it's voice'.
-_______-' For example;
This is UNEDITED picture taken by my camera and I am NOT happy.
You can't see their faces clearly aand, the colour isn't very pretty either. Tsk, I am going to now sulk. Maybe I'm just perfectionistic but you agree with me, don't you?
On the happier note though, I saw, a SLR today. A very pretty one. Black, classy, sexy (: I don't think I even know how to use one but I've seen JoelLee using his before and it looks quite cool (: You know, if it weren't for the fact that it would burn a hole in my pocket to get one, It would probably have been in my hands now. I sound very wannabe wanting something I'm not sure I even know how to use. Ooh, I just annoyed myself.
-_______-'
Buut there's a thing called learning that I just might be willing to do for this (:
Ey, Anderson, we'll start washing cars k?
(Bang) -An idea pops into my head.
S-L-R; The first two letters are my names initials! Haha, it's destiny. Come to Sarah Lee, SLr.
Eew, I'm so lame it hurts.
.
I've been going around humming Lifehouse-You and Me that I think even Daddy can memorize it. I've set it to my ringtone and made mummy call me just so she could hear it today. I've even decided that it's going to be the theme song for my wedding (: Oh, and apparently, I heard that girls start planning for their future weddings at the age of 10.
.
(This is where I leave the computer because I need to go out for dinner.
I tell myself I'll continue when I get back.
Toodle-loo for a little while (: )
.
Haha.
I just got back and this is my grandfather.
He likes Yong Tau Foo and eating with chopsticks.
I love you la kong-kong (:
.
Anyway, recently my church had it's dedication service.
A new building was built after the old one was torn down and yeah, praise God and all everything went well. I
t's painted lime green and has yellow fluorescent lights which I love (: Somehow I don't like white lights as I think they're too blinding. Aand, we all have to admit yellow lights are classier right? Next time in my house, the lights will be all yellow.
I hope.
Either that or I'll light candles all the time, I'm all for saving electricity and helping the environment. Aren't you?
Oh, you see this picture here?
Where I look really short?
I took my height this morning and apparently, I GREW! I now see the world 3 centimeters higher than I did last year. When you think about it it's actually quite fun because everyone will look 3 centimeters smaller! Unless of course, everybody grew with me and I'm just very easily entertained. Oh well, milk and swimming is helping. Just very slowly ): Yaay.
My measurements are
2006- 155.5 cm
2007- 158.5 cm
So even if I do look short in that picture, the fact is that I would have looked shorter last year.
Giggle, giggle.
.This boy was sitting in front of me Rachel and Germ.
It was actually pretty hilarious because while me and Rachel were taking pictures of the choir singing, he looked up and started smiling at my camera. I made a funny face back at him and pointed the camera towards his face and he started doing funny faces for the camera.
Little boys being little boys, don't care if they scream or make noise during church service and all of a sudden, he nudged his daddy and went really loud, "Looook!"
O_O.
Lesson learnt: Never point cameras at little boys. Unless they look like mini models and don't shout during church services.
.
On the more serious note, I think God is really, so amazing.
Okay so I have this thing about swimming, sue me but just when you think nothing is going to work out your way, mummy takes you aside, and tells you to pray. To trust that whatever happens, has it's purpose and that there's no harm in asking God and just seeing what happens. Oh, and yes she had to reassure me a zillion times that
"It's okay if you don't go swimming for one day."
"No you will not become a hippo."
"No, your muscles won't turn to fat in a daay."
"Yes, I'm suure."
-Sidetracks : Thank you so much Mummy and Daddy for tape recording that into your head. bearing me over and over again and not shooting me with a rubber pallet gun. I know they read my blog (:
Anyway, I left to the pool and I was so certain it was going to rain. I could hear the thunder, but no lighting, and see the cottoned up clouds all turn grey in the sky. I prayed, over and over again that it would not rain, and that even if it did, I wouldn't get struck by lighting and have to be pulled in with a fishing net.
I don't know exactly what happened but the moment I got into the pool, I saw the sky clear and it seemed like 90 degrees angle turn the clouds made.
I could see sun beams and the wind was blowing the coconut tree leaves away from the pool. Wow, Mummy prayer worked (:
I was freaked out at first and actually quite surprised I didn't get a sudden cramp and drown.
Then I realized I shouldn't be freaked out. I should savor the moment and thank Him which I did. Believe me, I really did. It was an awesome feeling and reading what I just wrote it sounds a bit cliche but it was soo real. You would have seen me cry if it weren't for the water that was already in the pool. So really, you are an awesome God.
And I hope even through trials and turmoil, I'll still say the same thing.
Because I've been told that you know how much each of us can take and you have brought and will bring me through, though you push to the highest limit. You have brought, and will bring me through.
Even scarier still, the moment I got home, the wind changed it's direction and the clouds clustered again greyer than before.
When I got into the car, I heard the thunder start again.
The minute I got home, it started to pour.
And it's never poured so beautifully before..
Back to church, this is Rachel.
I love her.
And I found out that a year ago in August 2006, she tagged me on her blog. I only found out today, after more than a year.
"Ppft, Sarah"; do I hear you say?
So yay, now when I'm bored, I have something to do. So wait for it, a tag will be up soon (:
.
This is Germaine.
And she's a funny person to have conversations with.
She laughs uncontrollably and I won't have it any other way (:
.
This is Zoe.
And using her picture, I'm going to take the opportunity to say all the best for the SPM-ers. I know it's late and I'm sorry but you all do good k?
Pray before you pick up your pencil. Not for the A's but that you'll remember everything you studied and that results obtained will be to God's highest honour (:
Okaay, I sound scary. But really, do pray that sweaty hands, jittery feelings and nervouswhatnot won't affect your concentration. I know you all will do great.
Sarah will pray and loves you all (:
.
So yup, I think I'm about done.
Wow, you know I didn't know I would write that much. Because what started out as rambling turned out to be this.
Whoopdeedoo.
So in a nutshell, that's what's been happening to Sarah Lee.
It's off to Melbourne in four days for two weeks.
I've got my white summer dress already (:
Yaay.
'Taa everybody.

Rainbow.

It was scary how soon I thought things would get out of control.
Noone was there, and I was alone.
I got jittery and cried. Cried because I didn't know what to do.
"Please, don't let it start again."
I picked myself up on my two legs and wore my I-panama flip-flops out of the house. I picked up the pace the moment I got up because the further away, the safer it felt.
There's something about the movement of legs passing by each other, the feel of wind in my hair, and the knowing that despite all the cars by the road passing me and giving me stares, I was somewhat, in my own world. Just instead of inside, I was outside.
No fingers touching me, no voice telling me what to do or how to feel.
Just wind, walk and the wavery feeling. Of course, God too somewhere.
Gradually, I began to feel lighter.
Maybe it was the wind or maybe, walking really does release serotonin hormones in you.
Whatever it was, it felt good. Like a burden was somehow released within every deep breath I took while telling myself to calm down.
The sun was setting and I began to head home.
"It's okay you're over it. You'll be fine."
Psyching works when you're in a good state but when you tumble down, boosting yourself the best you can, just doesn't seem to work.
But then, I saw it; a rainbow.
I stopped in the steps I was taking and remembered You, and you.
How you told me how You could use me if I allowed him to and how to pray before every scary step I made (:
It wasn't a magnificently bright rainbow. It wasn't a spectacular one with fully saturated colours in fact it was just dim and not all that visible but it was enough, to remind me that You made that promise long ago.
It was just a matter of believing and burying it deep into my serotonin depleted brain.
I then smiled, took out my phone; and began taking pictures (: It had then started to drizzle and I know that was when the cars started giving me funny looks.
But, I didn't care.
Because while they were busy laughing at me and what seemed stupid; taking pictures of the sky in the rain? I was busy smiling at the rainbow (:
I love rainbows, and rain.
I love looking at rainbows whilst walking in the rain.
*Giggles*
Oh and guess what, number 10 on my '100 things to do before I die' list is now done. Only 99 more to go.
Yaay (:
'Taa.

(:

I thought of waiting till I reach my 100th post.
Because then you know, 100th post and 100 things to do before I leave this earth seems like a reasonable thing to do but then again I thought; "What happens if I don't get to write a 100th post?"
I am so, pessimistic.
Okay I don't know what's going to happen in the next few years, months, days or hours. But I sure hope I at least complete half of the things on my list (:
.
This post is specially dedicated to Brian.
The guy who sends weird messages every week before YF getting us to go to class like;
"Unless you're trapped somewhere in Siberia, you have no reason to skip class today. So see you at 3:30"
The guy who makes Bambi look bad. He does killer Bambi eyes don't you Brian?
O__O
But yes basically I told him I'd come up with a list of 100 things to do before I die. And he's apparently supposed to come up with 100 things to NOT do before you die.
Heee.
.
So yes, here it goes.
May everyone be then inspired to come up with their OWN list because reaally, we all only get to live thaat long.
And personally, I am aiming to live my thaat long to the fullest (:
Now we'll just see how that goes, hmm?
.
Oh, and do read it if you have time because I think it'll be quite long.
Ah, I'm getting good at this 'wasting my time' thing.
Whee (:
And here it goes; in no particular order of course.
.
100 things Sarah aims to do before, she dies.
1 Swim with dolphins, kiss 'em.
2 Watch a scary movie.
3 Go cart race
4 Run in a wide fully saturated-with-sunflowers field.
5 Lie under the stars and moon in a country side.
-It's not that you can't see 'em in the city sky, it's just muuch clearer in notsodeveloped areas. Oh and my idea of lying here is like in Lion King. When Simba and Nala were together (: Gawsh I'm comparing myself with lions.
6 Star in a photoshoot or walk a runway.
-I know I'm short and wide sideways but I can dream la okaay.
7 Cook a fancy 10 course meal.
8 Visit the houses on the hills in Greece.
9 Visit the beauutiful colourful palace in Moscow.
10 Savour a rainbow.
11 Star in something BIG.
- I'm not an attention seeker okaay ): I just think that being part of a big presentation will be oober cool. (:
12 Go on a missions trip.
- I really want to go help somewhere. Like in Venezuela or Peru (: Ooh.
13 Touch someone's life.
-Using my experiences for good purposes.
14 Go on a reverse bungee.
15 Go snorkeling in the Great Barrier Reef, Australia.
16 Ride an elephant in the middle of the jungle.
17 Waitress.
-In those really cool cafe's by the sidewalk in Australia (: Where your uniform is color coded black. Not only will no one know if I spill something on myself, it apparently makes you look thinner. Oops (:
18 Build a snowman.
19 Have a snowball fight.
20 Go sledging in the snow.
21 Have hot low-fat chocolate by a huuge fire.
22 Sing 'Be Thou My Vision' on stage with Rebecca St. James (:
23 Ride a scooter in Rome.
24 Watch a preetty sunset on the beach.
25 Design a dress and get it stared on a runway, somewhere in Milan or Paris.
26 Get married.
-Oh! And I want the person I get married to to be the first one I date and vice versa. Cliche I know but 'meant for each other'. I've planned out my whole wedding senario (: Oh, slap me.
27 Settle down and have kids.
- I'm still complentating if I should adopt or have my own. But ANYWHO, we'll go on picnics, build sandcastles on the beach and have family dinners (: (:
28 Have a Daddy-Daughter dance when/ if I do get married.
29 Build a sand castle.
30 Be a bridesmaid.
31 Shave my head for a good cause.
- I don't know if I'm just saying this but I think people who HAVE done this are very brave and I highly respect 'em (:
32 Climb a mountain.
33 Go white water rafting.
34 Ride a bicycle.
35 Toilet roll a house.
- I don't know if this is illegal but as a prank, I think it'll be fun (:
36 Run a marathon.
37 Date an angmoh; a NICE one (:
38 Ride in a hot air balloon.
39 Ride a horse in a huge cherry field.
40 Run in sprinklers.
41 Have a candle light dinner date.
42 Ride a ferris wheel.
43 Ride a carousel.
- I know I am VERY cliche but you know the whole scenario of little kids riding while eating ice-cream and looking ohsohappy? Ya, I want to do that too! With low fat ice-cream of course.
44 Drive an open roof car.
45 Get serenaded by a good guy.
-I emphasize on the good. And 'Hey there, Delilah' is a nice song to get serenaded by. Dontcha think?
46 Play paintball.
47 Set up the good 'ol American lemonade stall (:
48 Jump in a balloon castle.
-Omg the type you get in funfairs. Fuuun!
49 Go for a South African safari.
50 Ride a jet ski.
51 Get bitten by a leech.
-I'm just curious okaay. And if it doesn't hurt (...)
52 Join a reality TV series.
-Like Amazing Race! This is very high priority.
53 Receive a bunch of red roses (:
54 Read and complete a thick book.
(No I don't consider the History text book btw)
55 Get through an obstacle course with, a flying fox.
56 Extinguish a fire.
57 Sound a fire alarm.
58 Feed a baby lamb.
59 Wish upon a shooting star.
60 Hug a panda.
61 Do the whole 'marshmallow and s'mores' thing over a fire.
62 Jump off a cliff.
- And I don't mean suicide. I mean into the sea (:
63 Try kickboxing.
64 Paint a mural on my wall.
65 Get drunk.
-I know this is reaally downgrading my integrity but I just want to experience it. Okay wait I might not be able to get anything at that moment but who knows!
66 Make a cocktail; shaken, not stirred (:
67 Climb a tree.
68 Camp out under the stars and survive.
69 Sit on a banana boat.
70 Go paragliding
71 Parachute off a jet plane.
72 Go trick or treating.
- I have no idea what costume I'll wear but I think it'll be reaally fun to just go "trick or treat!" Hee, and you usually toilet paper people's houses on Halloween don't you!
73 Do a somersault on a trampoline, without breaking my back.
74 Slow dance on a balcony (:
-You know in 'A Walk to Remember'? I think what the guy did for the girl was soo sweet. Urgh, cliche cliche; yay!
75 Go on a picnic.
- Again, with the whole brown picnic basket and me wearing a sundress scenario. It has to be 'picnic-ish'.
76 Flip a pizza.
77 Flip a 'roti-canai'.
(Okay wait to do number 76 and 77, I first need to learn how to flip, an egg -_______-)
78 Light up a 'Bomb Alaska'.
79 Drive a golf bugee.
80 Throw a coin after making a wish into the fountain in Rome.
81 Jump on a pogo stick.
82 Change a car tyre.
83 Experience a very bubbly jacuzzi.
84 Whack a pinata (:
85 Pierce my belly button.
86 Have a pillow fight.
-The whole traditional one in pyjamas and with feathers flying all over the place (:
89 Attempt pottery.
90 Braid my hair.
91 Get interviewed and appear on TV.
(Oh, a reasonably good advert laa.)
92 Play volleyball on a beach.
93 Get dunked in a carnival.
- You know the ones where people hit on a high stool above a pool of water, to aim at a target and if it hits they get dunked inside? Yeess I want to do that (:
94 Slide down a fireman's pole.
95 Climb a high ladder.
96 Ice skate on a frozen pond.
(And pray the ice doesn't break, I fall in and become a popsicle.)
97 Find a four leaf clover (:
98 Get magic-fied by a magician.
- Most preferably David Blaine (: Maybe he'll make me grow taller!
99 Disturb the guards outside Buckingham Palace.
-I was told they're not allowed to move. The most they can do is blink I think. Hee now won't that be fuun? (:
100 Fly a kite in an open field.
.
I did it (:
100 things to do before I die.
And now you, yes you who reads this; do it too.
And then lemme know you did it okay? LEMME KNOW!
Now, I better get started (:
Get me a dolphin!
.
'Taa.

'Taa; Lizard.

Okay I know this is craazy; I'm posting three times today but I am veery proud of myself okay.
There's been a lizard in my room for three days and nearly my whole family had attempted to get rid of it because I, can't.
I hate lizards like a man hates wearing stilletoes. Seriously I would never, ever even if you payed me a million dollars touch a lizard.
So after three gruesome days of having to accept the fact that there WAS a lizard in my room and I just couldn't find it to kill it, I finally killed it by myself.
This is the first lizard I have ever killed so honestly, it is quite a big accomplishment (:
I went into the loo to wash my toes when I saw something wriggling up the wall. I glanced and saw the lizard.
Screaming, I ran out and heard the lizard 'plop' to the floor.
Due to the ohsounfortunate fact that it is 12 at night, I obviously cannot wake anybody up to do the messy work for me.
I shudder and think if I should leave it there but decided against it because, well, then I have to suffer another day knowing that the lizard is still present in my toilet. Yuck ):
I muster every ounce of confidence I have, and get the broom. I turn on the shower which is a few feet away from the despicable creature with the brooms handle and shriek as the water pours down. I don't know why. I wait for the water to start turning hot (Thank God I turned on the heater) and soon steam starts coming out. Haaa.
I suck in my breath and aim the shower; right at the lizard and shriek again.
Basically then I just wait till it stops moving because of the temperature rise and let out shrieks every few seconds. Oh and also Eww!Eww!Eww!'s.
Finally, the creature dies and I wash it down the drain.
A job well done as I didn't even have to use my hands other than holding the shower hose.
Yaay me.
But seriously now though, I think my daddy and JoelLee would be very proud of me.
They just better not use this as an excuse to make me kill my own lizards next time.
It's a one of thing only okaay.
Yuck, I hate lizards.
Bleh.

Dutch Lady Mills.

This is my colourful windmill.
And boy does it make me happy.
I am such a kid.
(:
'Taa.

(Beep.)

Stop screaming, I'm older.
Stop shouting, I'm not deaf. Neither did I shout at you.
Stop crying, my tears aren't coming out yet.
Act your age babe, you've got a long way to go.
Don't show your nice side only when you feel like it.
Don't flip your hair.
Don't compliment me, only when something compliments you.
Ignorance is bliss, don't hear everything I do.
Originality is unique, don't take what I do have away from me.
You don't need selfishness when you already possess everything I have.
Give in, just in one thing, would you?
I drew, you could too.
I ran, you could too.
I swim and my height maintains the same.
You swim, you shoot up like a growing bean.
Not at all, fair.
You're perfect. I'm sorry I'm not.
I smile, you smile wider.
I laugh, you laugh harder.
It's okay Sarah, you still have pen and paper. Scratch that, exact same notebook possesed, drawing imitated and phrases she used.
You just do it better.
Respect babe, pull your pants up.
Thankfulness hun, it's not everyday I touch poop.
Pathetic, I am.
Even more pathetic, you make me feel.
I can't wait till you all come back and get this off my shoulder.
I can't bear you anymore seriously but I will anyway. Because that's what 'perfects' attempt to do. Bear everyone so being bearable is the only option left.
Now I know how hard it is.
Thanks, my day just got better.
I am calm.
I am okay.
I will be, fine. Because I have to be.
For them Sarah, for them.
(Slaps on a smile, and leaves.)

She cries.
She whines.
She hits and spins.
She runs, swims, jumps, walks.
She needs order.
She hurts.
She gets so disappointed.
She backs away.
She's furious.
She gets sick of trying and lets it all go.
She stops trying altogether.
She asks, why.
"Why me God, when you know I can't handle it."
"Why me when you know I wasn't born a fighter to begin with."
"Why me when the closest I've got to downright cruelty is killing a fly."
"Why me when I gave in to her, changed for them, obeyed them and ultimately declined satisfaction, just to reach that step closer to; 'perfect'."
"Why, ME."
But then again, why not me?
Correct me if I'm wrong but somehow, there's always been a point in ones life where they take a fall. Be it bumping your head on a sponge pad or bleeding when bruising your knee on gravel, everyone falls either softly, or hard.
I fell when I didn't know the answer to my maths problem when I was six.
I fell when I got angry at JoelLee because he deleted all the songs on my playlist by accident.
I fell when I got mad and shouted back at mummy and daddy.
I fell when I wasn't talking to my best friend back in std 2.
I fell when I thought that I was going to get sacked for being a prefect back in std 5.
I fell when I realized, I didn't have perfect vision and had to wear glasses.
I fell when I thought you liked her better than me.
I fell when I thought I wasn't pretty enough, smart enough, good enough.
I fell and hit rock bottom hard.
I broke; self destruction survival.
Somehow, I managed to pull through. I still do, everyday.
But then again, why?
You know sometimes how they say ignorance is bliss? Like would you really want to know if your grandfather listens to Britney Spears and sings to his hairbrush in the toilet? Let's say I doo know he does that I admit the first thought that comes to my head will be to freak out but then again, if that makes him happy, why not?
So what if it's completely weird and out of the ordinary; it makes him happy.
Then I was thinking and so what if I have to go through falls and get bruised; at the end of the day, if it glorifies God and fulfills his purpose, why not?
It's like a little boy who trusts his dad to get him candy.
It's like an infant who knows that his/her mummy will always be there if she can't throw a milk bottle into the face of someone she doesn't like.
It's like a little girl who trusts her mummy to take her to the nicest shop to get the prettiest dress.
It's like how grandchildren always trust their grandparents to somewhat take their side over their parents.
It's exactly like having complete childlike faith.
If God knows you can't handle it, he probably won't let it happen to you.
If God lets it happen, he'll provide help for you along the way; let you feel the pain but cushion you through the falls.
I want there to be a purpose but the purpose I have in mind may not be the one I'm supposed to fulfill.
I don't know the purpose.
I don't know why.
But I would rather be a child without a single care in the world who has complete trust in his/her guardian, than a grown up successful adult who lives in fear, worrying about who to trust everyday.
Letting him turn a cocoon into a butterfly, rain into rainbows.
Not questioning why but reading and obeying his manual as I reach a higher step.
Apparently, if he closes a door, he always opens a window.
I hope so.
(:
So far, I know that he allowed me to fall and brought me angels through it.
So I can't be too wrong about the whole faith thing, right?