Love-Hate thing.

If you're reading this, press the small red box containing an X in it because you're not going to like it.
I've told you before not to so you're just choosing to raise your own blood pressure by reading this. Don't say I haven't warned you.
What right do you have to wake up, first thing in the morning and act sarcastic toward me?
What right do you have to compliment me, only when you feel like it and just want points in the good book?
What right do you have to step into my room just because you feel like 'looking around'.
What right do you have to 'sheesh' me when I tell you that you're wearing my black spaghetti strap which only got put into your cupboard by accident?
What right do you have to stomp out and point your fingers at me, those skinny fingers that I've always wanted since you were like, what five?; when I tell you that pointing your fingers at Romeo is just going to want him to bite and bark at you even more?
What right do you have to talk nicely whenever you want? Whenever you get what you want?
What right do you have to look at me with your doublelidedeyes, those doublelidedeyes that I've always wanted since you were like what, five?; with such a vengeful glare, whenever I'm not in the best of moods and have had ruined the entire day for everyone already? Yet when I tell you to stop, I don't get as far as as saying your name because you already lock yourself up in the room?
Why do you choose to use all the things I've done wrong against me, so that you can do it too? Okay I might not be hundred percent correct in this but, I know what I do sometimes is wrong, but that doesn't mean you take it against me so that you can in turn, drizzle that bit of annoyance towards me because you feel you have the right too.
Babe, you're not even as old as me yet. Forever 21's meant for people, older than even me.
I draw on my mirror to help, not so I can post kisses on Friendster as hot as I know you maybe. I write Faith, not draw red lips.
I started discovering the difference in height effect hells could give you when I was thirteen. And I know how tall and modelicious you look already, and this isn't being sarcastic. So why do you want to try on my heels and then get mad when I ask you what you're doing?
Why leave me so torn in between wanting to do what's best for you, yet feeling like I'm going to burst from all the pressure inside? Because I know, what a beautiful person you can be inside, it's just the bloody hormones that get to your head sometimes that make it intolerable talking to you. Because such few words uttered, can turn into so many arguments continued after.
And this one takes the cake. Beats the cherry on top of the low fat icecream, beats the most amazing, lowfat Cherrychino I've ever tasted in my entire life, and you know, how much I like 'em don't you.
What right do you have to hit me, even eversosoftly, on my back, just because I've onned the computer first even if you didn't see it? What right to call me rude, when I haven't even raised my voice and the neighbours can probably hear yours? What right to slam the door when all I want is an apology for letting your skinny fingers, that I've always wanted since you were like what, five?; hit my back with more impact than a touch would cause?
What right?
I might not do the right things all the time, I know I don't control my temper the best sometimes, but I do try.Try to not raise my voice, try to understand, try to not let it affect me that much. Because I know how badly, it might eventually affect you. It's unexplainable, and it will never be made explainable, this whole thing we go through all the time. But do know, that as pissed off as I am with you right now, I really, do love you. I love you that it scares me to even see you sometimes because I don't know how I'll react towards the things you do, the words you say and the whole phase you're going through. So even, as hot as I am in terms of temperature level with you right now, I really do love you. I just hate, the whole scenario that happens every single day. You're really beautiful, it just takes time for me to see that, and for you to understand how important it is to show that side, rather than show the brown wooden door just a few millimeters in front of my face. Don't take this the wrong way if you read it. Really, don't.
Like I warned you before, I didn't advise you to read it.
I really love you. But right now, it's impossible to say it to your face.
So here it is in black and white;
I Love, You.

Chloe- my trailer.

It's near the end of the year and I still remember the first day of school this year when I saw you with your uber cool glasses.
I thought you looked strangely familiar but couldn't quite grasp where I had saw you before.
Then I saw your nametag, you saw mine and we both smiled, small smiles but enough to show that somehow, we had seen each other before.
And now the year is ending in just about 48 hours and you'll be going to a different school, and I probably will too. The questions being surfacing much more often these past few days, considering that school is starting on Thursday.
"We have to decide already Sarah, there's not much time- so what will it be?"
I shrug my shoulders each time, tell them I don't know and it's so hard making a choice and hope that in the few seconds to come, the question will vanish, and so will all the complications that come along with it.
It's narrowed down to three options.
Methodist, TamanSea and DJ.
Methodist because the parents think the education level there is supposedly, good. It's private and the classrooms are smaller. But then to me, it seems like the most foreign among the three.
Then it's down to TamanSea or DJ. The pros to TamanSea is that I know Rachel and Germaine are there. The cons are that the pro, could eventually become a con. How jeopardizing, the pro can become. You know what I mean?
It's scary to know that I only have thaat short time to decide, to buy the books, uniform and psych myself into preparing for an entire new environment change. It's even scarier when the reality is, my pinch on my arm hurts very badly, and this is not a dream. It's January 2008 in two days.
I'm going to miss you Chloe. I really am. It's dejavu. Because when we said we've met again after being split up at five, and it would be stupid to split up again, now? The fact is that it really is happening now.
And it's back to what I said about the egg, and how fragile everything really is. The words uttered were so fragile because now, they're completely, gone. It's just- delirious, you know?
I'm going to miss you Chloe Ann Chee.
I'm going to miss 2007. Bittersweetly, I think I really am.

Middle; will you just stop?

It's the tiniest things that somehow, leave the largest impact.
Like seeing how the triplets know who they want to go to now, instead of just falling into the arms of everyone that gets the chance to carry them.
Like waking up on a Sunday morning and reminding yourself that worship is going to be under yellow saturated lights now, compared to the blinding white fluorescent ones.
Seeing how Sandra is nearly as tall as me now, when only last year she was licking jelly off her ice cream and wobbling about with tiny bouts of giggles to herself.
Seeing how JoelLee has still remained, somewhat his quiet self, yet with so much more maturity.
Opening my phone to receive pretty messages from the most unlikely people so I thought last year.
Seeing how it's an entirely different group of people involved in YF committee now.
Seeing how the 'Icantimaginevertalkingtothem' people, are suddenly the ones that are backstage with you, making shadow puppets on the curtains and actually are being fun.
Being able to talk to Rachel and Germaine about the most nonsensical things, yet actually savouring the conversation.
Reading how blog topics have alternated, in terms of the deepness level, the writing style, and even the whole entire, layout.
Stepping out in the chilly weather just after it has rained with absolutely noone around.
Like remembering how I used to be absolutely terrified of you when I first joined YF, but now, seeing you married and talking to you about Arabians, frogs and flat noses.
Being able to see not just one tone colour in my wardrobe, but the whole rainbow array.
Late night conversations.
Random conversations.
The most unlikely topic conversations- like how my toes hurt and amazingly, your arm does at the same time.
H20 conversations.
Conversations where I actually dare to tear and you don't misinterpret; you just listen.
Receiving hugs from the most unlikely people, on the most unlikely occasions.
And just feeling, the moment. And the difference in each one.
The scariest part is looking, fingering the photos in hand and then the fact just strikes you. That the diffence has been done and in no way, ever is it possible to relive it again. It's breathtaking, grasping the wonder of how it really has all passed, at the same time, anticipating with slight dread what I have no idea is to come.
It's only 3 more days till 2007 vanishes, in that split second and a whole 2008 is waiting to unfold. And I am scared. Scared that as tough as the year might have been, I won't have a clue what is to come in that 3 days rather than knowing what happened in the past year.
Will you, be the same, will I react the same, will anything- be the same? But then I remembered the video I watched, and what I said in camp about the egg, and how fragile it really is. And how I said like the shell, our lives, are so fragile and how in the next millisecond, anything could happen.
"It's just how you choose to spend our lives- like the fragile, egg?"
So honestly, I have no clue what 2008 is going to bring. I was 6 when I read an Enid Blyton book about how this girl could look into a mirror and choose what she would do, to determine the events that would happen to her the following year.
Too bad I don't have a mirror. I do know that I have Him, and that I have eggs in my house, Everyday- I have eggs. So eventhough I don't have that mirror, a SLR, a dolphin or a pony. I just hope that I take care of my own egg, and use it the best I possibly can, in 2008.
So thank you all for everything this year. For the ones who have just been there, with all the weird messages through the year. For the ones who talk to me about nothing at all, and thank you to the Lee's. For being my big balloon castle for me to fall back onto, no matter what time of the day it is. Mostly, You- awesome amazing, You.
Happy New Year everyone.
Je T'aime, all really.
'Taa.

BlackandWhite.

Is it wrong to just want to; cry?

I'm, not.

How come you said vulnerability is okay, and that it's part of the whole process?
That yes, you may get hurt but you'll pull through it and it'll only teach you and help you learn?
H0w come you said that was a one pointer and that it wasn't wrong to have made that step? Encouraged me to allow the vulnerability to creep in, but expect me to be in control this time.
I think I did, incautiously did. And it seemed to work. I seemed to have a firm hold on it and not let myself slip on that algae liked covered road. But then my shoes lost it's flower patterns on the rubber soles slowly. And now it looks like it's slowly wearing out.
It's not all that fun anymore, not feeling like you know exactly what you're doing. Not feeling safe by your ownself and wanting to hear, see and feel. Wanting it not to be only mentally but physically present too. In fact, it's somewhat scary wanting to have someone around, and actually being scared of being alone now.
So I might have been vulnerable. For that second in time. But now, it's difficult choosing to hold on, or let it slip away again. Because as beautiful as the fantasy might seem, there's a possibility that it might never- happen.

It's weird because I know how surface it all is, although there are momentary bout where it feels like it isn't.

But really, how come when I really do need you, you're never around? ):

Merry Christmas, everyone. Belated Merry Christmas (:
It's another activity down before school starts again and the weirdest part is, currently I don't know what school I'm going to. I talked to daddy today about the whole ability of him being positive and me not getting those genes. But, I'm going to try my best here to relive the good moments, while anticipating the notsolookedforward too ones which are yet to come, okay?
.
So despite the last minute baking, ingredient buying and card making we stayed up till 2:30am for, I think we did an okay job considering it was the first time I was left alone to use the oven. The plan was to complete baking 80 cupcakes in half a day, ice them and make them pretty and write 80 cards. We succeeded except that we baked 60, smudged the smileys and typed out the cards instead. Yaay (:

Rachel.Germaine.Sarah.

We had to seperate the egg yolk in order to make the icing and I succeded in the four eggs we used. I got quite excited after poking and letting it slip from one hand to another;and then it broke ):Icing on top (:

Pink's me, Blue's Germaine, Green Rachel.And the after part in my room (:
Woke up late and headed to church the next morning to help with my props. Didn't really help that I couldn't find the right black clothes to wear as I had to camouflage myself to move the props around during the skit. Went there late, burnt my tongue on Milo and got sticky hands and shoes thanks to the explosion of the Milo cup, got smudged eyeliner thanks to the sheded few tears but I survived. Thank you for the hugs, the smiles and the "It's okay, Sarah"'s, you know who you are. The skit went superb, the children did awesome and the lighting was beyond beautiful. The choir accompanied by singing and it sent goosebumps down my legs in the skinny jeans I was wearing.And after ;
Sloo.Rachel, mylove.Cassie.Pie; splat.Zoe.Ohh, a special thanks to ben who gave each of the form 3's school books- I don't even know what stream I'm going to and I have books. Anderson found 'em fascinating and decided to set up a mini library. I couldn't care less and held my bags instead. See the contrast between male and female minds (:And this was me trying to elaborate how funny I thought recieving school books for Christmas was. Germaine; mylove too.Eelin.I took three pictures repeatedly.
"Noo, I don't like it."
"Noo, I don't like it."
"Noo, I don't like it."
Lareina; ain't she pretty? (:The RiHanDiy's and Sarah,Rachel,Germaine.
Zoe and Sloo are our apparent 'managers' and I have no idea what they're supposed to manage until this day. Sloo; you manage our awesomeness right? (:The picture above isn't that clear and we wanted to take another one but everyone was scattered and not really paying attention. So while waitingWe did out thinggg (: And the highlights of the day.
Sheell (:
I L Y Sloo.Richard, Caleb, Jason, Shenny, Gadiy.
Attempting to look, Bling.
Hee Caleb, *wheeez*.For all the sarchastic comments I've recieved from you (:

Lauren got her balloon poodle (:
I went to the balloon guy, asked for a plain long balloon, after hearing that Kloo could do a poodle too. I got it, gave it to Kloo, and it burst. So instead of a poodle, I got a worm.
PPFT.If you look closely, it says reserved for 'Senior Citizens.'And that, is Christmas for you (:
It was awesome thanks to two very special people who spent it with me, and formed tummy abbs with al the laughing we did; Germaine and Rachel.
To everyone else, all the gifts, wishes, smiles and laughs, thank you too. You really are soo, appreciated.
And to Him, thank You for You.
Thank You, for You.

Channel, A&F.

Right now,
It feels like you never, happened; like I never knew you.
Because it all seems too surface, too shallow.
And it all probably, was.

Lisa, Kelly and my nose.

I did the stupidest thing I could ever have done today.
I walked right into glass. Plain, cold, glass.
And I bumped my nose so hard, I started tearing but didn't cry. I think it's the human bodies natural reaction to tear when your nose gets so badly bumped. Either that or I was in such a state of shock, I didn't realise I actually was crying.
Really, the glass was almost see through. I was helping put on the animal costumes for the Sunday School play, and the next second, half my face goes numb. I thought that it was an open space and just walked right into. (Cuelaughs) My nose feels pain whenever I touch it's bridge now. For a second I thought blood would start dripping out, and like Anderson, I would eventually faint (hah) but thankfully, I can still smell and noone has really noticed it's redness.
I went downstairs after relieving the pain for a while and I told little Lisa and Kelly. Both six, and seven respectfully. And I got the most amazing reaction from both of them. Kelly pressed my nose and said "Are you sure, how come I don't see any blood?"
Lisa smiled, and said, "Do you want to put a plaster on your nose?" and then elaborated on telling me how she applies plasters on her knees whenever she falls down, and how it miraculously gets better the next day.
I smiled and the pain was gone for that split second. Gone because of the innocence displayed in their tiny, doe like eyes when they I told them about my red nose. Gone because it was probably the first thing that had come to their mind, and the most beautiful thing I had heard the whole day. Then I imagined myself with a bleeding and plastered nose. Kelly forgot about my nose in a second, took my hand and started playing with it.
Oh, and for the update, it doesn't hurt as bad now but there are still sharp pains whenever I touch it. Let's just hope I don't go to church with a purple nose. That would be just so uncolour-coordinated, right?

Noël.

My pillow looks so pretty now.
It has never looked so pretty in my whole 15 years of living.
Carolling was awesome. Yeah I got my hand burnt with wax, found out that red and me aren't really ever going to be the best of friends, heard JoelLee sing the weirdest songs I've ever heard him sing and lost my caroling sheet half way but it was fun.
I slept the night before at 5am finishing cards and woke up with my eyes feeling like I had gotten boxed in my sleep but I survived. It didn't rain like it had the previous evenings and as of now, it's down to less than 24 hours to Christmas day.
It's funny how it doesn't feel like Christmas is that near though. It's scary when the fact is that, it really is (: And that the whole point of celebrating Christmas, is because it was the start of being able to worship Him now. That although as tiny a baby he came, it's the big things He's able to do now that is indescribable beyond measure. So, as much as the whole Christmas trees, red colourful bobbled lights and reindeer figurines atmosphere might not be getting to my head, that's what I'm trying to plant deeper inside my brain now. "Right Sarah?"

Like I said, my pillow looks soo pretty I'm not going to elaborate on the pictures just right now. Just know that it was fun, in the most subtle ways fun (:
"..Be near me,Lord Jesus, I ask Thee to stay,
Close by me forever; and love me I pray; .."
So you, yes you. Have yourself a Merry little Christmas, okay? (:
'Taa pretties.

December.

It wasn't on purpose that I opened the magazine and saw the article, you know.
It wasn't a need of being in touch with that side, but somehow, the knowing that that article was there, and the convenience of having it right next to me, while waiting for Mummy to brush Romeo was a perfect opportunity to read it again.
Just this time, it was different. Different because I understood the words and what they meant. Felt the pain and how it was a struggle to go through everything they did too. And I just froze there. Not literally, but my cooing Romeo and asking Mummy questions just stopped. Because as distant as everything mentioned had seemed, it still felt so, close. So familiar yet unfamiliar at the same time. Like, last year never really happened and no, I didn't struggle at all. Like, how could something so deviant and almost surreal have happened. And how come, that territory seems so familiar yet, completely out of reach now?
It's weird being able to feel sad when you aren't around because you have to be somewhere else. Weird feeling disappointed when I can't connect on the same basis as you think and don't want to because, doesn't my way seem better?
It's uncomfortable feeling self-cautious when last year, the only thing I needed to be cautious about was digits. The demonic digits that somehow were still so comforting. But now it's pulling, tugging, brushing and applying that takes up more time in attempt to make everything semi-visible.
Confusing to get blissfully happy shivers up my spine when my phone flashes, and have that disappear in such a short moment and feel so insecure, because vulnerability seems like a four letter word. Like it's a territory I don't want to step into ever again.
And it's so bewildering being able to feel that numb again. Numb mentally, and not just physically. Numb knowing that my brain cells, aren't in the mood to function just now and that it's not due to the worrying, contemplating and endless counting like last year. Numb because you annoy me without knowing your limit, and not because I'm watching the number of steps you take. Numb with all these, feelings.
Ironic that the main reason I couldn't feel anything real last year, was because I couldn't control the numbness and let it take hold of me. So, it's all gone now hmm Sarah? The self-control is all gone because of that blue and white cylindrical pill. That I took because you asked me too.
And now, I'm feeling so confused. Because as much as it seems so nonsensical, there's still that hint of longing to feel that numbness when I can't bear it. That 'familiar', physical numbness.
I looked at the magazine date and it was bought in March. It's already December. Scarily, it's already December. And, still it scares me to think about how could something so deviant and almost surreal have actually happened. Because just like last year has passed, this one is going to be gone in just a few days.
And I don't know if I want it to this fast, just right now.
I wouldn't have it any other way now really. I'm not regretting every step made. It's just like it's happening, too fast ):
You know?

I love you too Sloo.
I really really do.
.
Had this weird talk about hormones in the car with SandraLee and Mummy.
Sarah: I'm feeling bloaty ):
Mummy: Hmm, It might just be the hormones, don't worry (:
Sarah: I hate hormones.
Sandra: YA!
Sarah: I detest them so much!
Sandra: YA!
Sarah: They give you pimples.
Sandra: YA!
Sarah: Oh and for me, I think they give mood jabs, instead of swings.
Sandra: YA!
Mummy: You know both of you, if you didn't have hormones, you would have mustaches and be hairy.
(Dumbfounded)
Sarah and Sandra: NO! ):
.
Poor Britney.
The woman has absolutely no privacy. And when I say this, I mean nearly every inch of her body is talked about in the magazines. From her lips, to her stomach, to her legs. And there's not one single positive thing said about her. What normal people would consider good, the media evolves to become just another negative thing that she does. It's even more saddening to look at the then and now pictures. To see her in her early videos and remember how I used to imitate her singing on my bed in front of the mirror when I was like, six. And to see how six year olds now, react to her as negative gossip whenever her name is mentioned.
So as awkward as this sounds, I'll be praying for you Britney.
Sigh, poor Britney.
.
That basically are the highlights of my day.
I feel soo productive.
Ohh, while walking around today, I realized I detest shoes that clack on the ground while they're being walked in. Do you know what I'm talking about? Those just gives me goosebumps ):
'Taa.

Anderson, Joanna and MyLittlePony.

Three posts in one night.
Godknows how many pictures in one post.
Okay, lets start with MyLittlePony I got.
Ain't she pretty? (:
Her names ToolaRoola and after bearing me for two weeks, Daddy gave in and decided I should just buy it. All those weird glances from parents and kids in the toys section, all those " You do know that it's for ages three and above, don't you?" from JoelLee paid off. She's beautiful, don't you think? (:

ToolaRoola.
-Loves to decorate and have fun with arts and craft! She is always thinking about her next masterpiece to share with her friends!
That's her description at the back of the box, hence the paintbrush on the back. I swear, I think the parents are thinking of sending me back to kindergarten. Omg, imagine all the ponies that will be there (:

.
As promised, the wedding of Anderson and Joanna.
It went superb with the yellow lights, scent-sational flowers and lovely music.
Everyone looked absolutely stunning and I think it went really well overall.
It should be because it left me in the "Iwanttogetmarriedtoo." mood (:
It was good. I got to grafitise the church walls, push the take picture button on the camera, burn my ear with the curling iron repeatedly, wear black pointy heels which left me with blisters, spend a lovely fruit-less afternoon with Germaine and Rachel and get tangled in a wrap. I am satisfied (: To Anderson and Joanna, congrats on your marriage. Really am so happy for both of you and may God guide and carry you through the journey like he has through the entire process. I swear, after editing then uploading so many pictures with my face in it, I feel like putting a paper bag over my face everytime I look into the mirror.
"Oh it's you Sarah.
And again (:
Oh, and again.
Uh, there too?
Again.
Again.
URGH."
Yes, the whole conversation with myself in my head. Interesting eh? So yes, please don't harm me in anyway although my face appears repeatedly. I know it gets very bland after a while but, thoushallnotharmSarah okaay. And you know I realize that most of the pictures, have nothing to do with the wedding, other than the people who attended. But yeah, eek.
Pre-wedding anticipation of the groom.
He's the guy in the black suit at the bottom. Do you spot him?
And this picture looks a little, stalker-ish to me, don't you think so?

Truthfully, we were really excited for some reason and let out "Omg, it's their wedding!" out of the blue a few times while waiting.
Sarah, Rachel, Germaine.

She arrives (:
Joanna looking as gorgeous as ever in her white dress with sparkles.
I want to wear a wedding dress too (:

Saying their vows and then making their thank you speech.
Produces Mr and Mrs Selvasegaram.
(clapshands)

And that's about it for the wedding ceremony. Kudos to everyone who coordinated it because it went superbly. And I know, the yellow lights made it even more beautiful. Congratulations once again to the lovely couple.
The rest are after shots taken with the spectators so yes, no more wedding(ee) stuff.
Booo.

The guy who owes me a pony.

Sarah. Cassie. Joanne. Lauren.
It's the 'cocktail waitress' pose.
Can't you see the green table?- it's a cocktail table (:

SarahLee. SaraLoo.
Slee, and Sloo.

For the wedding cake, it was a mini cooper with two heads sticking out and fifty cupcakes(tobeexact) surrounding it.
PhyeBeng's ferocious side. Don't worry, he only eats edible stuff. Like humans (:

It isn't that clear but that was the glass I grafitised.
You caan, see the heart in the middle of Cassie and Sloo though (:

The Lee and Loo siblings.
SarahLee. SaraLoo. KevinLoo. JoelLee.
Slee, Sloo, Kloo, Jlee.

(Whee)

My insecticide partner- ChongHanJung.

And after a "Waitmetooo!", they crash the picture.

Me and Zoe.

Seriously one of the funniest guys I've ever met.

SarahLee and KevinLoo.

It's natural clam-ness only the Lee and Loo can pull off without looking, thaat retarded.

I'm not really sure what group picture this is.
But I like the expressions of a few people. So, yeah.
(Giggles)

Barbara.
Barbie for short.
And every girl- especially me loves Barbie don't we?

Merry Marie.
She was a bridesmaid and she looked very pretty (:

Sarah, the couple, and the card (:

Lareina. Sarah. Benny.
One of my favourite couples (:

Keiron: Uh, I don't think we can fit in the picture together.
Sarah : Wait, we'll try.
(snaps)
Sarah: It WORKSS!

He's tall, veery tall.
And no Keiron, I do not emo at guys called Mr. Jaya.

Rachel, Germaine and me got all dolled up for the night together.
We took two and a half hours.
Coool eh? (:

Germaine. Zoe. Cassie. Sarah. Joanne. Lauren.
(Sidetracking, I think everyone looked really nice that night by the way (: )
Okay, back to the picture, only Cassie and me wore non black colours. And it was pretty well coordinated too! She wore green and I wore red. Like Christmas trees (: We love the season right Cassie?

JoanneYu (:

Looking gorgeous.

Spraycan.

Table 6, if you exclude HanJung.
Trespasser! (:

Cherru.
I *heart* you (:

I *heartheartheart* you Sloo.
No matter how wacky and high you get on sparkling juice.

Pon-eeee.

Sarah : Oh no It's not in the center!
Zoe and Joanne : Uhh, you are!
Sarah: Oh, oops.

Mhm (:
We succeeded on the second shot.
Awesomeness.

The humongous wedding cake. Which I don't think was edible.

The guy who taught me in Std6 and had funny dreams.

SarahLee. JasonVoon.

Barbie looking even more Barbie-fied (:
Okaay, Eelin, looking gorgeous in a dress.

StephanieLim (:

Richard.
Sarah: No! Down, down,down.

LooneyLooLees.

Sarah. S-Caleb.
A very taall, S-Caleb.

The rose was plucked by him from the bridal table after they left because I didn't want to risk my head getting chopped of by the manager.
But, we both survived- woot!

Yup, that's about it.
I'm going to go shampoo my head now.
'Taa dearies.

Angel.

I don't know how to describe tearing but I'll try.
Because despite the immense hurt I felt at the moment I teared, it was eventually overwhelmed by that bliss feeling. And that was what made it just so much more beautiful.
I didn't really take it in when I first saw you. I walked in with Nic and thought, okay here's a face I've never seen before, a pretty face. I saw you lean over and talk to Ryan and saw how you smiled so comfortably and smiled inside. Because you seemed so warm and friendly. So well. And realized that that made you all the more prettier.
You sat next to her and was the first to say something. Expressing yourself so colorfully and at such ease. Like you had so much to say but had too little time to say it. But in that forty-five minutes or so, you did so well. At least I felt you did. You managed to bring me back a little closer from how far I had let myself drift off. It wasn't that immense a feeling but it gave me just the amount of push needed to stand firmer on the two feet that you had said we should all be thankful for. The two feet that He had made exactly how they were and didn't need any other reason, other than because He made them, to accept and not hate them.
Nic and me were waiting outside the door. I wouldn't have talked to you if it weren't for her. "I think she's really nice, Sarah. I want to go talk to her." Because I didn't really know how the conversation would go nor was I confident enough that I could get it started but I didn't have to. Because Nic was by my side and you smiled at us and started the conversation. That brief conversation that meant so much and left me walking through the corridor with that jumpy feeling inside. You smiled when we told you how well we thought you were doing and how pretty you looked and credited him fully. I went home, smiled and thought about how strong in Faith you were when you pointed up and said "Through Him." with your ever confident grin. The strongness of how you felt so deeply rooted and confident radiated so strongly that I was smiling the whole way back. "She's so nice Mummy. I really want to be like her (:" Mummy agreed with me and I thought of how proud any parent would feel. Even without having gone through parenthood, I felt proud.
During the normal monthly meeting in the yellow lited room and she gave me your blog address. I smiled because you had a blog (: I got home and keyed it in first thing and smiled. To see the colourful pictures, simplicity and same Georgia font I use on my blog. My space. I went to bed smiling after having glanced through some posts and knew that like powder they give you when rockclimbing, your blog was somehow going to be a help in taking a higher step on that humongous and scary wall.
And tonight, I had the same feeling I did when I saw you for the first time. Because although it was just another blog I was browsing through, this one was so much more special. Because the humility, genuinity and compassion depicted through the words on the screen made me tear. Tear because it made alot of the things I do seem much more shallow than what they should be. Tear because it was so amazing to see how people like you actually exist in the world and can feel such beautiful feelings. Tear because of how strongly rooted you seemed in Him and how much compassion poured out through that. And tear because I realized that you weren't just another pretty face- you were genuinely beautiful.
I want to sculpt something as beautiful as the lives you are helping to sculpt. Because it is just so humbling, to read how you fall at His feet and give yourself so freely. To read how much trust you have in Him and constantly rely on Him to guide in everything. To read how much you contribute everything to Him. To feel how you are able to touch me so strongly although not here tangibly and how much you are able to urge me to want to be just like you. So beautiful in His eyes.
I'm not that teary anymore and that scares me for a second. Because what if that was just a feeling? An impermanent feeling that vaporises like alcohol. What if it was a feeling that was actually, useless? Like Twisties- and how in peoples eyes they seem to taste beautiful at the moment, but have zilch nutritional value in the long run. What if, that feeling was just a temporary feeling I'm toying with?
Then I remembered how I picked up the washable marker this morning and had written Faith on my mirror. And how I wanted it there because it would be thing I looked at every morning when I wake up. And I remembered what I said before- about how He knows how the limit we can take and how He promised to guide us through the trying moments. And I realized that it really is real. Because it seems like you're one of the guides you know? (: Like a angel by the side he's sent.
So yes, if you're reading this. I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being there, not tangibly, but real enough to be like the powder I can feel on my hands when rockclimbing. Thank you for being there strongly enough, to make me tear then realize how real I want the word on my mirror to be. So now, I think I don't mind tearing if it's in this way. It's emotional numbness. But it's a beautiful emotional numbness (:

Goosey.

Streamyx was despicable for half a week and my internet connection was down. After calling two times and was promised by the technician that he would come the next day and he didn't appear, Daddy decided to take it to another level and complain the third time.
I didn't hear exactly how the conversation went but from the way Daddy shook his head and 'tsked' after speaking to the technician, I knew there was either a possibility of the technician
a) being traumatized for the rest of the day
b) never wanting to answer a phone call from a customer again
Anywho, the call worked and now, now I can see the tiny computer icon at the bottom of the screen, flashing and telling me the internet is now connected.
.
I helped put on angel costumes for the Sunday School kids yesterday and it was really so heart tingling. The costume constituted of a huge white satin robe, angel wings and a halo and I don't know how the describe the feeling when I helped slip the robe down littleWyeMing and hand over the wings and halo to her. The innocence and glee which you can only see while helping a seven year put it on was indescribable. The excitement, the innocence and the genuineness of her slipping it on and being ready to play her part as an angel. Then I saw everyone else in their own costumes. A donkey, the innkeeper, shepherd, sheep and a pony. And I smiled. And realized when I was their age, we never got to do plays like this. Okay, I have no idea where this is going. I just wanted to say, that helping little kids put on angel costumes and seeing them do their skit is really, a very lovely sight. It kind of takes you away, at the same time brings you back down to see how such simple things can bring you so much, joy. So kudos to Benny who looked like the one coordinating everything (:
.
You know sometimes I make myself not want to have kids. Because it's so frustrating getting frustrated with you yet, not expressing it hurts when your throat swells and your eyes leak. And it hurts even more when opinions don't match and both sides aren't able to handle it that well. Saying something back is sweet at the start, then it gets overcome by bitterness. And talking to you is such a necessity yet is scary because I don't want to spit fire, and I know neither do you. But like a drug, you can't help it. You know it does you bad yet, you still dose yourself with it. And when the ecstasy affect is gone, it hurts more that it makes you smile when you're high.
You're ability to tolerate us really amazes me. The constant strength to do what you need to do, after I've let you down makes me stop and stare. The knowledge of the right, yet made wrong words to say is so scary because I know how hard it is to want to say the right things, yet have them come out wrong. All the words forgave, blood ignored, and tears wiped up really leaves me in awe. So thank you, for bearing and ignoring the stupidity and naivety from the words I sometimes utter. Thank you for forgiving and ignoring the actions I do much against any sane persons will.
Thank you laa.
And really, I L Y so much and thank you for youu.
Hugs Mummy.
(Daddy, I L Y too yup)
.
Okay, this jumbled up mood is starting to get a little awkward.
Pictures of Anderson and Joanna's wedding coming up really soon.
Omg, I just laughed to myself for absolutely no reason and noone is in the room.
Like, seriously; laughed.
I knew it, I am a retard.
(Giggles)
I told youu.
Gawsh, I can't stop.
Ppft, not good.
Oh, and I just googled a synonym for stupid because I wanted to name this post and guess what I found- goosey.
(Falls off chair laughing)
Hahaha.
Oh noo ):
Oh, and because I'm useless at using Facebook I have absolutely zilch idea of what I'm doing when I click on the applications. So, if you receive goosey requests that do not make any sense from me, please ignore them.
'Taa (:

YFCamp2007.

It wasn't much different than the years before when the day came. The usual last minute packing, contemplating about which clothes to bring, worrying yet not doing anything about the empty suitcase that I know had to be lugged off the next day.
YF camp, 2007.
I slid the butterfly pendant down the silver chain with my cross on it and went to bed. Praying that everything would turn out okay and that no mess ups would be stumbled upon, nor would any mistakes arise. I was in charge of activities and it seemed like just yesterday that I dreaded the thought of going and being of ensure what activities laid ahead. The difference, was this year, I had helped to plan and knew exactly what lay ahead.
The buzzing of the alarm, the sight of JoelLee opening his door and bringing his suitcase down and then the feeling of me, picking up my suitcase and bringing it down, just like every year didn't really have much impact on me. But when I looked up at the clock, realised it was 8:20 am and was in the car actually heading for Youth Camp 2007, it struck me that it wasn't just Youth Camp 2007, it was really God's, Youth camp 2007, with us inside it.
Like being in the ocean with creatures you know are fishes, yet have not much clue how different and unique every fish actually is, I stepped into the white tiled building and went downstairs, to see everybody, there. I paused for a second and remembered what Rachel, Germaine and me had said before- " I can't believe we're in form 3 and actually planning for camp now." Because just two years back, I remember steping into the unfamiliar group of fishes, and tried to shrink so that I wouldn't stand out. Because it just felt out of the ordinary, to be in the midst of this huge group- youths. Like, stepping into a different year was supposed to make such a difference. Leaving std 6 meant you were older, wiser, and different. You were considered as, a youth. I saw the std 6's and smiled from remembering the way I felt just two years ago, glad that it happened, and just as glad that it had passed by. I came back down to reality and realised I had to stand in front and brief everyone about the Amazing Race in an hour and like water vapour, everything else evaporated because after 15 years, the thought of having to say something in public, to a big group, was enough to make me wet my pants on an extremely full bladder.
Deep breaths. Yellow lights and landscape view from the back. Abscence of you. Presence of Him. Fishes; unique fishes. Deeper breaths. Trembling toes. Fingering Belle. Movement of lips after collision of braincells. PJ. Cooking utensils. Fishes; unique fishes. Deep breath. Empty space with garbage bags. Mummy and Daddy. And it had all just- passed.
I went to bed after Germaine told me I was assigned to do quiet time with Tammy. And it didn't really register till the next morning, that I was doing quiet time with someone, when just two years back, I though that quiet time meant being alone, completely alone. And trembled when I realised that WenSze was doing it with me and didn't know if the words would come to my head at all, I mean, what if I couldn't share anything at all, right? The Narnia cupboard listened as the words came out nonsensically from the mouths of four insomniac girls who were probably physically tired, but mentally awake. Just minutes later, it was all black and I was on an unfamiliar matress with my familiar brown bag beside me, and the sound of deep breathing from unfamiliar fishes- unique fishes. Fishes who had so much to reveal but I just had not seen revealed just yet.
It wasn't a jolt when I awoke but I heard the door open and knew it was time to get up. My finger was numb as the rubberband from my hair the night before that I accidently slipped onto my thumb was entwined so tightly around it I couldn't feel anything. I was thiss close to thinking that I would be spending the rest of my life without a thumb. But it was scary that it wasn't only my thumb that felt numb, it was partially mentally, me. Downstairs, Rachel led exercise, and it struck me that two years ago, we were running up the rocky road, singing a nonsensical song at 7 am in the morning thanks to Eu Bing and Eugene. Running so hard because if we were the last to cross the line, our integrity would go down the drain because of, the ohsoanticipated punishments. But no, not today. Because now it was Rachel. Intimidating Rachel who just two years back, had stood beside me and complained with the humiliating movements and chanting, patiently enduring and waiting for it to be over. Now, she was the one instructing, and we all were doing Mexican waves. Nothing, compared to before (:
I picked up my bible and camp book, looked for Tammy and sat down, outside facing the road. I prayed that I wouldn't mess up, that the words would not be blasphemous and that somehow, unconciously, I would say whatever needed to and what You wanted me to say. Then we started, read, prayed, giggled and ended. I wanted to cry when I heard her pray but smiled instead. Because the sincerity, honesty and genuinity of her prayer sounded so beautiful. I made up my mind at that second that hearing a child pray was definately one of the most beautiful things I had ever heard. Just, like that it was over. EeLin was nearby and the nostalgic feeling of us sitting on the empty skating rink just a year back hit me hard and I teared a litlle once again. Because it was scary, how the year had passed just like that and how "I'm happy how you can go for camp this year, this way, compared to last." was uttered to me just the day before camp had started.
Headed off to caving and thought that it was just like going to be like walking through my corridor with the lights turned off but who knew that the stench of bat guano, claustrophobia and the poking of a speck of dust in my eye would be present so strongly. The need to crawl through a hole the height from my fingertip to my elbow scared me. When I mustered up the courage to stand up, bend down on my tummy and start crawling and actually do it, I thought I would die and was so frustrated that the last sight I would see was going to be a flashing light and the voice of a useless guide telling me to follow his light when he was pointing his light at the hard wall. "Just follow my light la." -rigght, when you're shining it towards a rock solid, rock? Eedeeot. I got so frustrated when I passed by him as I saw he had his head rested on the torchlight he held in his hand with his eyes closed and muttered an " Oookay, neext." as he waited for the next person that I uttered, " Yaa, (ppft) thanks for soo much help." (This is where Kieran dubbs me as being overly emotional) But no, thank God, that wasn't my final picture before death. I just stank of mud and bat guano, scrapped my elbows and was stuck in space the size of a closet with Caleb and his ohsosarchastic, yet funny comments, a rat somewhere, and my contacts still poking my eye (: for about 40 minutes with the stench of guano through my nose with everybody else. It wasn't that, bad, right? After sliding down, climbing and walking through walls and mud, we stopped because we had to wait for the other 30-something who had to go through what I had already passed. I saw the 30- something slide dwn the rough wall, each having their own expression when holding on to the rocks and scrapping their bottoms and smiled again. Because it was then that the fishes colours became more noticable. That the unconcious vulnarability was so breathtaking, even in the dark guano smelling muddy cave. Beautiful without any doubt. My skin was darker than before when I stepped out of the cave. I had gotten darker, in the dark (: For those who don't understand the lameness of this joke, my skin got browner from the mud, so yeah (: (Cue laughs)
Comfortability next to you. Mustered courage. Amplifier. Not feeling, but knowing. JoelLee. Fishes; unique fishes.
Being the last night, we wanted to stay up late and watch the sunrise at about 4am the next morning but to no avail. The Narnia cupboard listened as we huddled at the back savoring the last few minutes we could before we were told to get shut eye. Attempting to make the least of noise and after hearing Keith shout, " Quiet!" we pretty much realised we failed. Rho, Gtay, Llim, Sloo and me. Sheeeeell (: A few minutes later, Marie appeared and we tried to lure her in to the conversation because, if she started talking, then maybe she wouldn't want to stop either but no after 10 minutes of succumbing to the temptation, we got sent back to our rooms and she took her shower.
Flashing screen, smile. The familiar unfamiliarity I had felt the night before was there again and I realized, another day had passed again. Two days, had been over just like that. The fear of unfamiliarity from the two days before seemed unfamiliar and the thought of having to pack my bags and head home in a few hours, was strangely, contrasting. Because as happy as I was, I was sad.
Quiet footsteps. Fishes; unique fishes. Kettle boiling. The sunrisen-less road. Tammy. More unique fishes.
Sessions started and we were supposed to build a protective cover for a egg with straws and cellotape without, letting it break. The scary thing wasn't when our groups egg broke right before the game started and we got disqualified (: It was seeing it on the floor, with it's cracked shell and yellow yoke right after the words "Be careful with it." had been uttered. Because like the sudden cracking of the egg, it hit me that life was really, as weird as this sounds like an egg shell- fragile? And exactly like I had been saying to myself in my sleep for the last two nights, like the two days that has passed, the egg had gone just like that. How fragile two days had passed by, how I had passed it by with all the unique and beautiful fishes and how it had passed by so fast just like the egg had cracked.
Session. Scribbles. Smiles.
It rained (: and games were cancelled ): Then in the midst of everyone, each little formed group. I saw each personality and it struck me how unique and beautiful each personality was. That like fishes scales, all the colours glistened under the yellow light and it was just so wonderful to see each age group and how everyone reacted to the lame jokes of JoelLee. Each giggle, glare, smile, burst of laughter and confused look appeared on each ones face and the beautiful unconcious vulnarabilty showed again. I felt like my thumb did on thefirst day; numb. Because it was just- amazing to see and experience each individual and realise that everyone was tangibly there. Breathing, laughing, living. From the youngest, to the oldest, smallest, to the biggest, lamest, to most sober. Then the thought of the fragility of the egg and the uniqueness of the people collided and I was dumbfounded. The numbness took a stronger toll and I couldn't feel at all, corpse like.
Worship. Sharing. And camp was over. Just, like that.
Camp was good.
In the strangest was, good.
I think I got to know alot of people more and the the abscence allowed the presence throught faith even more.
I got to know You, more. And You (:
And guess what, now Narnia has another story to hold right? The 'sheeell' story (: Inside joke, it's okay if you don't understand it, rightrightright?
There aren't pictures with everyone as much as I want there to be but here are the very, few (:
'Taa (:
Oh, and like the pictures that aren't many, there aren't that many sores because Eugene and Eu Bing weren't around to torture in morning exercise! But nonetheless, you both were missed (:
Now it's not summertime anymore. It's useyoureyestoseepicturestime (: I'm so lame I could kill myself.Germaine : Eyy, there's no scenery to take pictures Sarah ):
(Looks around) (Pauses) (Screams)
Germaine : FISSSHHH!
Sarah : o_O Yaa!
SarahLee and JoanneYu.
Slee and Jyu.
Kevin feels left out and wants to be in the picture too.
So then it's SarahLee, JoanneYu, and KevinLoo.
Slee, Jyu, and Kloo.
All three of us were wearing word tees.
Mine said- Warning, may contain tantrums.
Lauren's said - Life is short, make fun of it.
Joanne's said- It's all about me.
Oh, and two days before, mine said- I know you want to ask my name.
Giggle.And Keith, who wasn't wearing a name tee decided his head was as good a substitute (:
Right Keith!
Joanne, Germaine, Rachel, Sarah, Sara(: , Lauren.
Jyu, Gtay, Rho, Slee, Sloo, Llim.
We have coool names, don't we?
'Beachy' people who loves seasheeells.
Oh, and if you ever want to hear how a shell would sound if it could talk, askmeaskme! (:
To all those who have more pictures, do be dears and send them to me please.
'Taa pretties.

Okay (:
Couple of things while I can (:
I say while I can because my wireless conection at home died on me so, no blogging from the comfort of my chair at home is permitted. Booo ):
Anywho, Youth camp was awesome in the most subtle of ways. Anderson has less than 48 hours to live his life a singleton and I got a new Bros bottle and a My Little Pony. Whee (:
That's about it but one last thing.
I hope this does not offend anyone but I read my comments on one of the posts I did and stopped, because I had to stop. I don't know what it was but it felt akward reading the words on the screen so to you, onion, can I ask why, you asked what I think hunger means? I'm not going to ask who you are although I would like to know but I would really want to know why, that word. And why, would you ask me?

oNiOn said...
my fav: 12 Define loneliness.
When you can't hear, feel touch or sense anyone around you and it leaves you feeling insecure.
When you don't know who to turn too when it rains and you don't have an umbrella....
you feel so real... i envy dat fact...
one qns sarah: how does hunger feel? how would u describe it??

Please don't ignore this. I'm not judging you at all it's just this feeling that something probably lies deeper in that question so, mhm.
'Taa.

Flutter.

This is the best I could get in attempt to embed the butterfly pendant to my body.
It's now, across my neck next to my cross.
It's going with me to camp, because I want it too.
Why Butterfly? Just because.

"Santa, baby."

Christ.
Candycanes.
Cranberry.
Chicken-turkey I mean.
Caroling;

And 18 more days to Christmas.

I cannot, wait (:
Right, Rachel Ho?
'Taa.

Set to Rise.

The air stewardess is rambling on in Japanese and after that, translates it into English with a funny accent. I look at Daddy, he looks at me and we both smile because of how she sounds. Mummy and Daddy close

their eyes and they rest while the cabin lights dim. Half the people are either asleep, or reading a thick, dense, word filled book but I just stare.

I don't know what I'm looking at because although my eyes are fixed onto the screen in front of me, my head is definitely, not in the plane.
I remember seeing bright lights, which blind me in my intensively dry contact lens like plastic sheets over my eyes in exactly the same corridor last year but now, I see bright fluorescents lights, and people- real people. Moving, laughing, talking. And I watch their every move intensely, enjoying every flaw and graceful movement made. Because last year, all I remember seeing was lights, and feeling Daddy and Mummy holding my hand while I was standing up against the wall.
I walk into both your rooms and remember the first question asked and then think about the difference compared to what I ask now. How they are linked so similarly, yet are based on two totally different things now. How scary it seems, yet is truthfully, supposed to be a good sign.
.
I walked up the road and saw the sun set.
Saw the lining of the clouds as it began to hide itself and turn the sky from orange, to purple, and to a dim grey. I waited till it was completely out of sight and then walked back and then it hit me, that I was not worried about the sun. Maybe because for the past fifteen years, I've been programed to know that the sun does not disappear- it 'll appear again tomorrow. I mean, how can it not, appear tomorrow.
.
I woke up in the morning and put on my blank tank top and denim skirt. I picked up my huge bag and slid it over my arm, looked in the mirror and paused a second. Because I realized that although I did it so clearly, ten years ago today, I didn't put on my pink overalls, wear my ribboned hairband and slide the plastic red bracelets down my wrist like I did when I was five. I didn't smile to myself and think I was a 'pretty girl' like I did when I was five. It was just, the routine that I had become immune to. Get out of bed, put on your clothes and start the day. Because that's what we as humans are supposed to do, everyday.
.
I used to think that God looked down on us like I looked down on my Barbie dolls. That he moved each of our limbs like I controlled my Barbie dolls hands to walk her little plastic dog. That at night, like I put them into the box, God would put us to bed. And the next morning like I take them out of their boxes, he takes us out of bed, and another playtime, another day begins. But to some extent, I realized that unlike Barbie, we can talk and control our movement. From my swimming, to my sleeping, as much as I do it, he controls it.
.
The air stewardess starts talking again. This time, Daddy's asleep and I just smile to myself. Smile because I was able to see not only lights, but people in the corridor. Smile because that despite sleeping because they were tired, Mummy and Daddy were beside me. Tangibly, beside me. Smiled because I was able to laugh at the air stewardess, and how she sounded although Daddy wasn't awake. Smiled because I just felt like smiling. Smiled because a year had nearly passed and although at that moment, I couldn't feel Him, touch Him, nor see Him. I knew somehow, He was there? That as distant as everything seemed, even You, I knew, that like microorganisms are present in the air, so were you in that airplane. Like Brooke Frasier said;
"I can't hear you, but I know you still hear every word I pray."
.
It's 11pm now and I got up at 7am this morning.
I remember putting on my clothes and getting ready but it seems like I never did it.
I remember waiting outside the boarding gate and getting on the Malaysia-Singapore flight, but the returning back to KL seems much clearer. And then I stop and wonder, did that really, all happen? Because just like Barbie, it's the end of the day and I'm going back to my box pretty soon. To(Ithinkhopefully) wake up the next morning and be played with, again.
That, just sounded really stupid. But it's bewildering.
So scarily bewildering.
It's like I have the whole KL rush hour going through my head now but I don't know where exactly each place is. I have no clue what everything I wrote was about. Yet, it's okay.
Because although I can't hear You, I know You still hear every word I pray- right?
And I've been told you don't really care how weird they might sound.
Yaay (:

Love, Sarah.

Australia, 2007.

O.M.G.
(grins)
I have finally done it; uploaded not all, but most of the pictures.
I don't know how to put it in words but I'll try anyway.
The nuisance of having to gather all the photos and transfer them from the camera, to computer. The frustration of having to choose the acceptable ones, out of the few hundred captured moments. The detestment of editing the pictures one by one. The impatience while waiting for blogger to upload it, one at a time because batch uploading is not possible. And then, it hits you.
That despite the whole grueling two days it took to go through the whole process, it really is worthit. To see all the pictures edited and relive the passed moments. To look forward to when you can breath the sigh of relief after it is all done. And most importantly, to anticipate the moment when I can send them to the shop, and finger then one by one when they're developed and slide them in to my photo album.
I can't wait (:
Really, I'm grinning like a Cheshire cat now and (althoughIhaveneverexperienceditbefore) feel like I've given birth to beautiful babies. Finally, the pictures are all done (:
I'm not bragging or anything- really I'm not but it just feels amazing to feel a sense of completion after the grueling two days.
Okay, before everyone gets fed up of the emotional ranting, I'm going to stop. I'm keeping the moment for myself now.
Here's, Australia (:
.
Captured the beauutiful sunrise through the aeroplane's window.
Spotted a snowflake too and had this urge to build a snowman but I realized, it was summer. I pushed the window cover further up and found even more snowflakes (: Ain't they pretty?

Met up with JoelLee.
His hair grew much, much longer.
Take one, caught him off guard.
Take two, and then he actually grinned for me (:
We look like Cheshire cats here; yay!Sandra experimented with the camera and I was her guinea pig. I just realized, this has nothing to do with Australia in general.Found really colourful steps along Chinatown.
Yes, sadly, the first place we explored was Chinatown. Oh, and JoelLee didn't want a picture with the colourful steps ): He preferred to keep his ego the way it was (:I went for my own mini stroll after getting claustrophobic from being cooped up in the hotel for a while and found a ferris wheel (: And I got the view during the night, and day. Okay maybe because I went out two times but yeess. Soo, pretty (:Daddy says we take pictures from a 'funny angle' yet they turn out okay (referring to JoelLee and me) and plays with my breakfast. It's SpecialK cereal, with strawberries, and low-fat milk (: So holiday-ish, I proclaim it a happy shot.We went horse riding!
And while everyone wore long pants, I wore shorts. SHORTS and it was drizzling ): I couldn't really feel my legs after. Seriously.
Daddy.
Mummy.JoelLee.The girl who wore shorts.Sandra.Daddy wanted to be adventurous and decided to go hiking one of the days. The funny thing was, that after five minutes of walking from the trail, we saw the waterfall. But the air was really breezy and you don't sweat, yes you don't sweat! So despite having hiked, we didn't smell sweaty like we would have if we hiked in Malaysia.
You can spot us if you look reeal closely in the picture below (:Anderson calls this sibling combination, 'Jo-rah'.
PPFT -___-Sidetracking- I want my future husband to hold my hand, even when it gets old and crinkly (:
Oh, and no, I'm not a stalker- really (:
This, has nothing to do with Melbourne too, but while waiting for Sandra to finish showering, I thought you all would like to know I own a Little Miss Sunshine tee.
Met up with the Koon family and made a new friend- Kristen (:
She can do somersaults, fix jigsaw puzzles, dance, sing and has pretty dresses. That's why you can't not love her. You really, just can't. She can melt anyones heart because even JoelLee fell in love with her (:Cheshire cat, yet again :D
This is us, with her family (: Guess what happened to JoelLee
a) He was taking the picture.
b) He got hit on the head with a frying pan and was unconscious in the kitchen. JoanneYu!Spent the afternoon with the cousins and remember how you don't sweat? Mhmm, we were running about in the park and we still didn't stink. It's like our sweat glands weren't working or something. Stephanie.Sandra.The girl who wore shorts.Tim.Oh, and you know the thing called growth spurts? Seriously, since the last time I saw him a few months back, he has really matured. He has the whole Japanese actor thing going on now eh? Singles, he's not taken (:
We drove half an hour from the city to pick up the Joanne, Kathryn and Amelia.
We drove an hour to pick strawberries.
And when we got there, the farms had just, closed.
So we were driving home, and we stumbled across a reservoir (: Where Daddy drove into and we got the next best thing to picking strawberries- a whole park to roam about with and the three of 'em. And we ended up having alot of fun anyway (: Sandra, Sarah, Joanne, Kathryn, Amelia. JoelLee with his Classy, black, sexy SLR. The sun was really intense (yetyoudon'tsweat,remember) and our shadows formed on the ground. If tyou look closely, you can see a duck trying to attack me. One trying to bite my head, and one coming out from Joanne on the right. Mhmm (: She morphed into a half-duck woman.And we climbed trees!
Like I said so I have canceled of one thing on my list (:
Joanne.JoelLee, looking slightly distressed.Sandra and Kathryn- the unseperable duo. There's not one, shot I could get of them not together.Amelia.And me- the girl who did not wear shorts that day.
I wore a white summer dress instead (:This substituted the mulberry bush because they didn't know how one looked. And they couldn't complete it because the older, wiser ones refused to take part in the prancing around a tree. People, were watching (: We headed back, with no strawberries but with cameras full of pictures and a bucket of fun so, we were okay (:Left Melbourne and my hunky Tony who I spotted working in a shop.
Spotted a Christmas tree in the airport, took pictures of it and in return, got weird glares from the shop owner. How fuun (: Headed, to GoldCoast next.
And if I can't find a nice boy, I'm marrying the beach.
Oh, so, pretty.
Sighs (:
Ohh! This is the thinginthesand, Sandra built. See the shell in the middle of it's belly?
She was really proud of it (:And this was her reaction when I accidentally stumbled on it and knocked it's face off.
Don't think she was too happy, but I really couldn't tell.
And it was an accident ):
"I'm sorry Sandra." Tried jet skiing with my sunglasses twin.
Proof (: -Retarded looking proof ): We drove to this island where we found wallabys (:
Apparently, they're miniature kangaroos and that piece of information was added on to the grey matter in my head. I fed it sunflower seeds (:
(Pauses)
You know, I actually think they have a really funny body shape.
(Giggles)The beach, yet again.
The beautiful, beach, yet again. Sunset.Drove by boat to an island nearby with a few other unknown people which was really fun. I sacrificed the uncertainty on whether I was going to fall off the boat, to stick my legs out because really, I have never seen water so aqua before.Spotted dolphins,
(Sidetracking, me and Sandra were in the water when wild dolphins swam about 10m close. They were wild and if you ignore the fact that we were running like mad women trying to chase them, it really felt amazing.)
I love, dolphins now (:

a dugong,and a sea turtle.Attempted to snorkel and prayed just before I jumped of the boat that I wouldn't die and if anything happened, I would at least get to see a really colourful fish (: Or a dolphin.And, I found a starfish!
I tried to savor the moment, then JoelLee shouted, "Hey, it's like Patrick from SpongeBobSquarePants!"
It was really, ohsopretty (:
I love starfishes too.Then headed back to solid land.
And again, I'm not a stalker, really.
I just thought they looked really sweet together.This is daddy playing with my vitamins.
If you look closely, you can see a smiley face.
Oh, and once again, nothing to do with Australia (:My skinny mocha which makes Starbucks look bad.
It came with a marshmallow and a huge dose of caffeine. But I enjoyed the marshmallow more. You didn't think it was the caffeine, did you? (: Spent the last day at the beach and I nearly cried, because you can't buy Australian beaches to take home with you in your suitcase ):

Apparently, stupidity comes with holidays. So yes, I got contaminated and JoelLee looks on bewildered.

Viewed the last view on a hill and nearly cried there too.
Because, I realized getting a pony is easier than buying a beach ):

Even JoelLee looks distressed bout the whole leavingthebeachbehindthing. You see ):And Australia, was completed (:
I was sleeping on the plane when JoelLee tapped my shoulder and told me to look out the window to see the lightning. That's it in the picture below; lightning from a plane window.
He went slightly delirious and I don't blame him because really, it was strangely beautiful.
And I'm done.
Contently, done.
Thank you Daddy and Mummy for the trip.
Thank You, for providing the trip.
I don't know how I feel right now actually.
Delirious.
In the strangest way- delirious.

Tween.

I'm supposed to understand because I've gone through it before.
I'm supposed to guide and do the right thing.
I'm supposed to hold my tongue, advise and listen to whats 'troubling' her.
I'm not supposed to raise my voice and not supposed to talk back to her when she does to me.
I'm supposed to be patient.
I'm supposed to be able to sense when somethings fishy and it's taking a bigger toll than usual.
I'm supposed to be sensitive and see the intricate details that cover the 'bigger' problems.
Because- I'm the older sister.
It's the hormones, raging hormones.
The humongous rages thrown, because of the tiny glands situated inside.
The unreasonable tantrums, that are expected to be understood reasonably.
"Savor the good moments and deal with the hard ones when they come, be patient with her Sarah."
"It's the small things you do that will leave the bigger impact later on."
"You should know- because you've been her age before."
"Just be a little, patient Sarah."
I try you know. I try to not scream at you and not answer you sarcastically because I know how it feels to be answered that way. I try to not compare myself to you and cringe when I see how you look, compared to me in the mirror. I try to be confident and hold up to what I want you to believe so strongly in, but find it hard believing myself- that you are worth more as a person than how you look. I try to hold back the tears that form because of the petty things I tell you should not matter at all, but affect me like global warming affects our comfortability level. I try to let what happened to me, not happen to you. I try to not let what I do affect you, so that in turn, what you do, does not affect me back again.
But it's hard you know?
Hard to try not to hate the hormones that have affected me before.
Hard to stumble my way through an electric maze and not be allowed to cry and give up, ever.
Hard to really know how it feels, yet not be able to control my anger against yours.
Hard to be patient.
So really, I do try most of the time.
But you, do your part too.
Be not only patient with me, but be polite and control your mouth- respect because that's what I did to ko. I got pretty red patterns on my bum and learnt from 'em well enough. I found out that although not everything seems right to you at that tender age, the older people, usually do know what they are talking about and unless they're plain sadists?- they usually tell you things for their own good.
"I've tasted more salt than you in my lifetime, Sarah."
In my head, I'm going to repeat that to you now. I may not have drank sea water but I probably have, tasted it more than you.
So please hun, do try to be patient. Respect.
And if you don't, after a while I'm probably going to only give you the same amount of effort you put in for me. Because people get tired of trying after a while. I promise I'll try till I reach the top and fall off but you, try too. Make an effort on your part, will you?
Respect.
As fed up as I am right now, I L Y dear.
I really, really do.

Ohs- represent hugs.

Bimbo moment of the day;
So we're on the beach and I see trailmarks.
Sarah : A duuck!
JoelLee : Noo, those are seagulls.
-____-'
It really is quite sad how stupid I sounded ):
Buut, if I ignore that point?
I came about 10m close to a wild dolphin in the sea.
I found a starfish.
I have this whole collection of seashells.
I had a goood skinny mocha today.
I spotted a hunk named Tony.
Aand, despite getting a little sunburnt on my back, apparently my chipmunk like face due to my goggles, is slightly less obvious.
I would post the pictures but like I said, the cable is a few thousand miles away.
I spotted a 'My Little Pony' horse a few days ago and fell in love with it. It was in the kids section and I knoow, I got a million weird stares from kids and their parents but I prefer to think of it as me enjoying my last league of childhood to it's fullest, rather than being a kid. So suue me (:
It's scary because although I saw it a few days ago, I'm still contemplating on wether to buy it or not, till today.
At 7:30 am this morning, the fire alarm in the hotel rang. For a second I thought that was Daddy trying to wake us up and then I realised, the sound was coming from the ceiling and didn't remember Daddy attatching a clock to the ceiling the night before. Somehow, we were very calm- I guess we had this gut feeling that it was a false alarm because about half of the people were still pyjamas cladden and sticking their heads out of the windows and balconys when we peered out ours. The stupidest thing was the things we 'attempted' to save. It was more of a grabwhateveryoucansoyouwon'tlookstupiddownstairs. I grabbed my whole bag, haircurler and contact lens case. Sandra, grabbed her pillow and (get ready everyone)- homework book. We all agreed that no matter what, she deserves extra credit next year after her teachers hear about this. Don't you think so? (:
OHH, JoelLee's lame moment?
Sarah : I need to go to the toilet ):
JoelLee : You can go to Wollongong; there are four loos there (: (:
(For those of you who know, he's refering to the Loo's- Sara, Kevin, Uncle Eric and Aty LeeChoo)
Daddy : (pauses a while) Jooo-eeel
-____-'
Sarah : Gawsh ko, that's so lame it hurts.
So that proves, I'm not the only weird one hmm?
I feel so much more secure now.
Okay, I've been tagged again.
Because I have no pictures.
.
Rules:
1. Do this tag and answer all the questions in your own blog.
2. Delete question no.20 and add one of your own question instead.
3. Tag 8 victims to do this tag.
1 What is your dream when you were still a small kid?
I know there was this whole phase when I wanted to keep my hair long until it reached my toes. I think the whole Rapunzel scenario was very appealing to me back then. I do, want to keep my hair long now too but more of the naturalmessylook. Not the princeclimbingupmyhead look.
2 What is the happiest thing in your whole life?
This question doesn't make sense because if you take it literally, nothing in my life is happy, other than my dog after you give it a biscuit maybe. But, I think, its asking whats the happiest thing that has ever happened in my life. So to answer that, I think there's no specific thing. It's more of all the times when I'm genuinely happy and having a good time? When I'm with people I love and feel good. When I enjoy and am present in the present. When it's possible to just love, the moment for every flaw or perfection it holds. Because really, if you pick one happy thing, then you can only be happy for once right? So I think I prefer to have a few, happy things rather than just one, happy thing (:
3 What do you wish to have right now?
Gawsh, right now? (laughs)
Okay as for now, it's either a Vespa scooter or a 'My Little Pony' horse doll (:
Suee me.
4 When is the last time you last horselaughed?
I have noo idea what a horselaugh is. I actually paused a while to figure it out but couldn't imagine a horse laughing but I think, it's laughing, really funnily? So yes, it was this morning when I was talking to Sandra while picking up shells on the beach. Mhmm (:
5 What did you realize recently?
That I don't like drinking water from straws.
That apples give me goosebumps.
That good looking ang-mohs terrorize me.
That because I'm in Australia, I actualy get to experience time two hours before everyone in Malaysia (:
That the sky is really beautiful when the sun either sets, or rises.
That I like mystical, vintage and bohemian things.
That Roxy, Billabong and Rusty is actually very- comercialised.
That cucumbers are 96% water.
That I really, want an SLR.
That ducks don't live on the beach, only seagulls do.
That I loove the beach.
That I loove the beach.
That I loove, the beach (:
6 Which bad habit in you that is the most unacceptable?
I have a tendency to be very perfectionistic when it comes to certain things I think?
I get really cranky when certain things don't turn out the way they're supposed to.
Oh, and when I'm bored and have nothing to do, I get very upset.
As in I think I've been so worked up before I cried :/ Basically I get edgy when left alone to stray aimlessly.
Oh, and when dosed with caffeine? I get high (:
7 When you are unhappy, what will you do?
Run.
Swim.
Walk.
Draw.
Cry.
Take pictures.
Pray.
8 What are you afraid of losing?
I'm afraid of loosing my teeth when I grow old, and the turgidity of my skin (:
Hah, but seriously? I'm afraid to loose people around me and the way things are when they're going well. I think part of the perfectonistic trait in me is that when I loose the feeling of being able to make someone feel good, and feel good around someone I get very insecure. So yes, I'm afraid of losing you, you and you.
9 Within 5 years, which target is the most realistic one?
I don't know but I'm aimming to do most of the things on my '100 things to do before I die' list.
10 When you met someone that you like, will you profess or hide your feelings?
I like guys.
I like girls.
So basically the scenario is very different.
I would tell someone I like his/her personality if I respect and look up to the persons standards and values. Because I don't see anything wrong in hiding and not appreciating the good quality of the person publically.
On the other hand, if you're talking about really liking someone, I'll probably hide it till I know for sure that the liking is genuine and not unrealistic. That it's not fiction but fact. Then I guess I'll see how it goes from there (:
11 List out 3 kind of people you hate the most.
I don't hate people but their personalities. So;
I dislike people who make fun of other people without considering how they feel. The type who go on and on teasing when they've already said something hurtfull. It's like calling, a rubbish bin black. There is really, no need for the extra hurt throwing when you've already done so much damage by uttering the first few words.
I dislike people who use you just for the moment. People who will talk, put on a face, smile and make conversation just for making conversations sake because there isn't anyone else around. People who will rely on you to make them feel secure and treat you like an umbrella when they, are in control; like they have the ability to fold you up when they don't need you, and open you up only when it rains on them.
I dislike unfriendly people. Like some shop owners who just brush you off their shoulders like a speck of dust.
12 Define loneliness.
When you can't hear, feel touch or sense anyone round you and it leaves you feeling insecure.
When you don't know who to turn too when it rains and you don't have an umbrella.
13 Are you satisfied with your life now? Do you think any changes should be made?
I think I actually, quite am.
I think they only change that would be good to make is the whole relationship with God still.
I think the limitation to go deeper doesn't exist- neither will it ever (:
14 When is the most recent time you feel touched?
We were having dinner and I saw an old couple out together.
The man finished everything the woman couldn't.
The man held the woman's hand after the waitress took their plates away.
The man got out of his chair and helped the woman out of hers.
Then they walked off hand in hand.
Urgh, Hallmark moment (:
15 Where is the most beautiful place that you've visited?
The beach.
16 A song that is playing in your mind recently.
Brooke Frasier- I'll be found in You.
17 If you have a wish to come true, what is it?
I know this is going to sound so cliche but I still find the touching someone really appealing.
Touching someone and fulfiling His desire, not mine yet feeling good about it at the same time?
But on the shallower note- I wouldn't mind kissing a dolphin.
18 Do you have anything to be worried or scared recently?
Urm, I was scared that my head would be bitten of by the seagulls at the beach today? It's freaky how they come flying above you like a bunch of, well- seagulls.
(:
19 If the world was going to end, what will you do?
Realistically speaking, the world is, going to end ): which sounds a little scary now that I've typed it out. But I actually- really don't know. Pray I guess. For everyone and myself.
20 (This is the question I'm supposed to come up with myself)
Okay I know this sounds really stupid, but I was just thinking about it the other day, and I realised I have absolutely NO clue, who reads my blog ): So please- to everyone who does, do comment and let me know who you are. Really- you would make my day (:
Seriously, do leave a comment so I would know- kay?
.
Done.
I just realised that Anderson and Joanna's wedding is so soon.
So soon.
So soon!
And so is Youth camp actually.
Anderson and Joanna- Are you guys excited? And stressed? I'll be praying for you both anyhow (:
Back in two days.
I'm off now.
'Taa pretties.