Jeopardasation.

It's pretty senseless how when it starts to drizzle- everyone rushes to get out of the pool. I'm talking about drizzle here, in context of a light rainfall, a pitterpatter that is nearly unable to be felt, more so with the huge immense of water already surrounding you. After all, you're already wet, what harm is that drizzle going to do. Nonetheless, I've heard precaution is always good. I like swimming in the rain, it's somehow all the more beautiful, but then again that's just my perception and there isn't any right on my part to judge. And come to think of it, that just kicks people out of the pool, without me having to have any negative thoughts whatsover- natural process, you know? Minuses the whole, "I hope, they suddenly get a minor leg cramp or get really, exhausted (:" Don't worry, none of my thoughts are ever fatal.
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You know how you sometimes jolt up when you doze of doing something really boring coughHomeWorkcough? You get the whole feel that you're falling down from somewhere really high and there's absolutely nothing below you, and nothing around you to hold on too. You just fall, and your heart lurches for a split second- a second so long yet so short it wakes you up right away very effectively.
Then there's the time when Daddy goes over a bump, very suddenly and your heart lurches yet again. A little like when the car is in mid air for that split second, and inertia causes you to move with it,'up'? Your heart stays in mid air, when the rest of your body has already been acted upon by the gravitational force.
The pool, being seemingly immense as it 'is', seems to go on and on. I hate swimming when there are alot of people around, call me greedy, but somehow there's this sense of satisfaction when noone else is sharing the same water that is holding you up? There's this nice feeling knowing that the water is just acting it's buoyancy on- you, like it's attention isn't anywhere else. That sounds a little stupid, but I know how it feels, it's just inability to depict it exactly in words. The brother agrees, about the whole 'Get out, this is my pool' thing (: (:
Not forgetting the mere though of being in a white room with white walls and absolutely nothing surrounding you. It's almost equivalent to being blind, just that instead of the usual black, you're seeing white. You can't feel anything nor can you touch anything because the walls, white washed walls, seem to not ever be in a touchable range. You grapple and try to grasp something, but your fingers don't ever come in contact- they never touch.
That's exactly- insecurity, at least to me? It's scary, needing someone to touch you and just be there, yet being afraid to touch, back. Because you kind of bounce thoughts of around your head and noone else hears it but yourself. It needs to be heard, but it isn't willing to be exposed. It needs to be taken control over, to be settled by someone, anyone other than you. But it can't really find it's root, it's problem- and letting someone know is being just too vulnerable.
It's an overwhelming feeling, it's scarily bewildering- but that's the best I can get to explaining it.
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Mummy? I feel, numb.
"Wow, you look so pretty che (:" This is the time when saying "Have you looked in, a mirror?" is not ever worthy of sharing the same alphabets in the word, W.R.O.N.G.
"Hello? Is this Sarah?"
"Umm, yeah?"
"OMG, I got the wrong, Sarah."
"*Laughs* Hey YuinYi (:"
-just got me thinking, I wonder how many 'Sarah''s there are out there, and how each one of them exactly are.
A hug from the brother, is like hugging a bolster in the live version- really comforting (:
Obese, doesn't have any context whatsover with you, it shouldn't even be in your vocabulary. Can't you see that.
A little brush, in the midst of a whole crowd. Very fluttery, in the smallest way (:
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It's just that type of time, when having AuntieAnne pretzels in Malaysia, and knowing that they're able to be also made butterfree here- isn't enough. Because 'delaying' , I'll see you another time', 'We'll catch up the next time, I promise', has just been used too many a time- and I'm beginning to not like the sound of it at all. I miss you, and I hate change. The combination doesn't go, and if we're basing it on the amount of renovation and changes they make on Orchard Road in just a month, I detest it. I miss you (:
I was in the car, and I realised it's been sometime I've had you around my neck. It's been sometime we've taken pictures together, and it's even been too long, since we've had a proper conversation together. Remember the whole- throw me a question, I'll throw you one back thing? It's definitely not not wanting to wear you, it's just that on Sunday's or make that anyday- waking up in the morning takes a little bit of effort which sometimes causes the brain to not function at its optimum level. But you know what, I miss you a whole bunch too. And if it's thought about in logical perspective, putting that little bit more of effort on Sundays, to wear you is all the more worthit. Cause then, although you're seven hours away, you'll still be coming with me to church.
LoveLove, love. "You are the music in, mee-ee-ee, yeaaaah :p"
Catch phrases, "Yeah- I know how you feel (:", that grin when my phone beeps a message or LifeHouse rings- who huhh? ;), a random hug. Don't disappoint, Sarah. Don't disappoint when he's back this time.
I'm sorry I don't play the exact role required sometimes. I'm sorry I don't live up to the expectations required, expected- the qualities that are natural to be possessed. Not having it just makes someone self-centered and hypocritical. But purple suits you magnificently, I'm not being sarcastic here. It's insecurity that's all. It's the whole, "Younger, Prettier, Better." phrase that replays itself over and over like a broken record. It's seeing how much potential and beauty within that just makes me wish a blanket was that much thicker. The never was, then- being depicted so strongly now. It's a little jealousy, a little angst maybe. It's something that might have to be worked on. But I hope you know, I love you- I just don't know exactly how to deal with it sometimes, so retaliation comes out the wrong way.
I know You're there, and I know You care. Now it's time for Sarah, to kind of make an extra effort, to show you she does too? She, does. I was browsing through Camp pictures, and I found this.

I'm serious when I say if you click the play button, close your eyes and just listen. Other than the fact that the thighs and arms are horrendous, I always find it much easier to seep stuff in without seeing sometimes. But I dunno that's just me maybe I can't concentrate that well, at timessss only- mind you. The time that the egg is still uncracked is just that long, and before it starts to shatter- efforts need to be made. And she plans to make them, she really does.
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She's been pretty much at bay to a certain extent the past week. She's been keeping to the bargain without having that much of a fuss, keeping away from the mirror when the split second becomes just too long and excruciating, and she's survived a few out-of-the boundary incidences, swimming has been awesome.
Her arms seem to keep growing though, certain shirts make them look like they've she's filled to the brim with helium, but she's just to heavy to even float away. Too many people have been so much smaller, so much more flawless complexion-ized, so much more taller.
There's this certain angle in which her double chin looks doubled, then doubled again and whoahh, her calves are expanding like a sponge.
Her tummy doesn't want to lie down so she's trying to exhaust it with sit-ups, the results are disgusting so far- Work won't you.
Nonetheless, it's another day down, then another week. That's- satisfying?
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YEM's coming up, and school work has been accumulating like the rubbish heap that causes global warming. Speaking of global warming (:
Responsibility hasn't exactly been a high priority on my list the last couple of weeks, but I know it's something I have to work on. So do pray, and I hope it gets better in the coming days.
The Bestie's birthday, and the Heart's is in a days time (: You're loosing a number, becoming a two. I may not be able to drive, but I'll try my best to find a doughnut (:
JoelLee's leaving just too soon, but it'll work out. Spain and Germany are playing at 2:45 and I'm planning to wake up justforfun to watch the match. We'll see how thaat, goes now wouldn't we ;)
To you, if you've succeeded in reading this entire ranting post which probably would have not much significance whatsover to you, thank you (:
Have a great week everyone.
'Taa lovelies.
And to end with an addition of stupid,
-What's a bear with alot of teeth called?
A Molar Bear.
*SlapsForehead*

Sexay's back.

Soo, the brother is back from the wonderful land of Melbourne.
He's good, I'm happy- and did I mention he is officially legal to drive? I woke up in the morning and saw the 'P' sign on the stairs. It was under his liscence- the pass which allows him on the road without police people stopping him and having a reason to press charges.
I am officially the second to get into a car with him driving.
Let's just say it was -interesting. He's left a mark that I will never forget :p
I threw the string of jokes which is so greatly 'detested' by Anderson at him.
Sarah : Heyyy, what's a bear without teeth called? (:
Anderson : OhMyGoodness, not again.
The GummyBear, Mozart and Superman.

Sarah : Koooo, we survivedd (:
Oh and it was pretty cool- we colour coordinated unintentionally too.

More pictures' when he's in a better mood and the lighting isn't so crappy.
Oh, and when I'm in the same angle I share with YiLin when we take pictures.
"Noo, that's myy side!"
'Taa.

To-Yester-Day.

I've always found the fact that you can't sneeze with your eyes open very, fascinating.
It's been a while since I last tried to defy the whole law of that but I know I used to when I was little- I would put my fingers to my eyes and attempt to hold my eyelids open. I even ended up poking myself unintentionally in the eye once. Boohoo (:
It finally hit me that once the muscles in your face are formed in that certain way- sneezing with your eyes open is just not possible. Even if you stuck toothpicks there- not possible.
But yeah, t'was fun for that moment- you know the whole "Oh, maybe I can do this- Goo Sarah!" thing (:
Speaking of eyes, I've found that if you blink a certain way- you get momentarily double eyelids. Then I thought to myself, that if blinking non-stop wasn't all that disturbing- I would be blinking the whole day. "Oh look, I have double eyelids! ... Again, and again!"
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I've never liked using the water dispenser. I've had this slight disturbing nudge like a silent finger that pokes me when the though of an unknown person drinking from the same filter hits my head.
Last Sunday, when my water bottle ran out of my own H20, I had to use- the general filter. And I realised that whenever the need to; neeeed arises I feel a whole lot more comfortable letting the water run a little while before actually filling up my bottle again.
And of water, I bring two bottles to school. Yeah, I've got the whole-
"Isn't your bag- heavyyyy?"
"Whoa, you drink alot of water, huh?"
And from the eversoshort boy who is 191 cm in longitude-
"Don't drink so much water, Sarah. You're going to grow shorter. Know the gravitational earths pull? ;p"
*Sarah looks down* "Whaaaat TeckYan? I'm sorry I can't see you, but that's okay- you'll grow ;p"

This new trainee teacher walks in and we have to introduce ourselves.
MeiYi : Hey, Sarah you better warn her about your frequent toilet trips.
When it comes to my turn;
Sarah : Hi, my name is Sarah and I have a small bladder. So in the future I might be asking you if I can go to the toilet quite often because- uhh my bladder is small (:
After a while, she asks
"Is there any rules I need to know about this class?"
HanWei : Yeaaaah, you have to let me and Sarah go to the toilet quite often.
*Woots* :D
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I am alternating between three radio stations. Depending on the annoyance of the songs and Malaysian-fied-ness of the deejays. The whole-
Ehh, Laa, Ya-kee?, WaLauuuu
gets to me a far bit especially when I'm not releasing enough stress hormones. So yeah, thank God for the many radio frequencies.
Mummy likes David Cook's- I Don't Wanna mMss a Thing version better than Aerosmiths. Aerosmith I just realised, is actually very old. To the point that the lead singers skin is starting to wrinkle.
OHH, and I think I am becoming immune to pool water, my fingers don't wrinkle that much. Or maybe, I'm turning into a fish (:
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My mirror is glass painted. And it's not because I want the attention, It's because what you said- hurt.
It isn't directed to you, it's mere frustration at everything that I perceive myself to be and everything that has now been stated from the horses mouth- isn't me. But I L Y, and I hope you know that.
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Germaine Love, turned sixteen today.
Thank you for all the late night texts.
Thank you for laughing when you call, laughing when you're about to write something down, whenever whatever I say doesn't make sense.
Thank you for walking around with me aimlessly- just to catch up.
Thank you for being sarcastic and sitting next to me in Brian's class.
Thank you for being there and helping me fit in, helping me feel like I have someone there.
Thank you for being a part of the awesome Trio- and how as different as we all are alot of the time; it doesn't change the fact that we met in Sunday School and had this slightly awkward phase through YF together in the beginning.

Thank you for remembering that I gave you- (correction)- Winnie The Pooh, and not Barbie when we were a tad bit too young to bake cupcakes for Christmas till five am in the morning.
Thank you for watching Narnia with me, decorating candles and dropping chilli sauce onto my phone (I can't exactly remember when but I know, you did :p)
Thank you for all the sneaky times you try to read my messages and I try to read yours.
Thank you for all the times we go against Rachel sarcastically when she's being paranoid, although she looks superbly beautiful.
Rachel : Is my hair messy?
Germaine, Sarah : Yeaaaah, super. Mann there's hair everywhere.
And thank you for just being, you.
I L Y to ity-bitty pieces and know that as sure as you're going to laugh in a few seconds, I'll be here if you ever need anything.
(You can giggle now) (: (: (: Blessed sixteen, Sweets.
We coordinate well don't we? Note the red framed glasses and Little Miss Tees (:
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What happens, when I talk to youu on the phone (:
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Sloo, I haven't talked to you in ages. But I miss you and I'm thinking of you.
"You are the music in, meeee."

It's time to get new I-Panemas with you (:
Oh and speaking of a Loo, a Tan popped into my head.
*Waves hi to Adrian* -the purple crayon reads the blog :D
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Catch phrases and statements;
PauLing : Hey, did you just fart- because you blow me awayyyy!
PauLing : Guess what (...) WHAAAAT?!?! :D
Jack : Is your dad a baker? Because you sure have nice buns.
Jacks rules to score good points in the teachers' book. Number;
256- Always nod although you aren't paying attention.
347- Always nod although you don't understand.
427- Always compliment the teachers, when you haven't done your homework, or are in the midst of copying anothers down.
477- It takes wooing majorly, to get permission to go out of class, compliments need to be thrown- direct "Teacher, may I go to the toilet?" just might not do.
Did I get that right Jack? :p
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I'm off.
I need to majorly start prioritizing. Clearly, I'm not doing a very good job.
Beauty and the Beast, the musical is on tomorrow. And guess what, her name is Belle (:
'Taa loves.
(...)
I'm feeling, insecurely unstable.
It's one forty three in the morning now- and I somehow feel like running.

Daddy, and a mini array.

Daddy's turned 50.
He reads this blog, so although I already wished him and apologized because the ohsoawaited present could not be completed, yet;
Happy Fifty-eth once again Daddy.
I used to have a mixed up on what to call him when I was younger- Daddy, Papa or Dad.
I liked Daddy, and I'm still sticking to it now. Because apparently-
"Anyone can be a Father. It takes someone special to be a Daddy."
Thank you for all the times you unconsciously make me laugh, all the support and endless endurance you put into me, the sacrifice, tears and affirmation for all the trouble bouts, the sleepless nights in foreign lands, the beautiful moments shared despite some being too short- and just because you're mine and I know that I'm able to wet your shirt when salt leaks from my eyes and I lose white blood cells. Despite all the arguments, disagreements and set-backs- I wouldn't choose another.

It's the special fifty. So I think there are a few more celebrations to come- seeing that the brother is coming back in a few days. I'm excited (:
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The thought of the spread alone sent salt through her tear duct.
She had a feeling she would have a visitor, "I kind of expected this."
"But I can't Mummy." between hard sobs.
Water always, does good. Water always somehow flushes, or at least minimizes the huge lump down her throat.
It wasn't a choice, it was more of something that couldn't come up just then- because fifty is too big a number to miss out on, fifty is too special an event to have to make a decision and stick to it on. It was too big, too much to handle a number to make a concrete choice on.
It wasn't good, and it wasn't bad- it was just a matter of having to pick one- So that whichever choice made would allow the winning side to just end up- stronger after. Unsure of which, yet sick of the salt.
"I'm going out later. Mm, yeah."
Braced, neither composed nor 'de-composed', she went out in her pink and blue covering.
"Dang, your arms are massive. Do something about it.
Suck the tummy in, and whoa, the thighs- hurt my eyes."
Survived, the only way to put it. Thank God the lights were pretty, and although old- they were Caucasians.
Grandfathers, are the cutest thing ever.
I miss you. (:
Survived.
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School work is killing me inch by inch. I've designated the weekend to nerd my way to satisfaction of seeing my books get put away one by one.
YiLin is going to write a book about how to slowly shrink me into a tiny piece of nothing- 'Intimidate Sarah without having a reason.'
After all the Nerds, doggie-bagging raw salmon attempts and anticipation of her birthday present present. Sighhhh (: Yes I know I Love You.
PauLing is officially sixteen, she's the cherry on top of the whole array of ingredients in a sundae- there are just too many to list them all out. Happy Birthday sweets.
My Biology teacher is a fan of Hannah Montana- she even sings her songs in lessons. A little disturbing to be honest with you- free entertainment though.
And now, before it rains, I am going to go immerse myself in H20. Splendid (:
'Taa loves.
(...)
-It's irony when the pool is so overthe brim you're continuously praying that noone kicks you, and at the same time with the number of squaking kids and unconsiderate speedo-ed man and women who come into your way eversobluntly, you just feel like kicking them in the head.
Excuse the vulgarity, I am not very happy.
-Murphy's law.
"People will always dissapoint you, Sarah." You seem to be doing that muchmuchmuch easier nowadays. I wish you could see it and at least try, to make an effort not too?
-It's because I am disgusting that I detest it.

Flats.

Guess what- I'm next to a cool looking man. Cool using Pauling's definition of 'cool' and we all know how unsarcastically she uses words now don't we? (: I see bright lights around me and coincidentally, there's a huge Dolce and Gabbana poster staring- Gisele Bundchen in front of me. How comfortable I feel right now.
I've passed a few dozen angmohs, saw alot of suitcases I wouldn't mind having but would have no use whatsover with 'em in my hands. And we all love airstewardesses now don't we?
A huge hug to those who can guess where I am, it starts with an 'A' ends with a 'T'. I am lifeless I know, but while wailing away the time I'm taking full advantage of the free WiFi provided by Changi Airport. Oh did I mention there are a ton of pretty orchids all around? No Frangipani's sad to say, but nonetheless I can feel the oxygen already as compared to the smoke saturated air back home.
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Thank Godddd, for lowfat-yogurt. Maybe I should start raring a skinny cow.
My brain is depleting, inch by inch. I forgot to bring my Physics textbook, homeworks been due in ages and I am procrastinating like nobodies business. Good job, Sarah. Now all you need to do is start taking sweeping classes.
LifeHouse's- You and Me rings. "Hey youu." (:
I have finally figured out how to load songs onto the MP3- I think I've mentioned that before. Did I mention how amazing ColbieCaillat and JasonMraz sound together? -Lucky's been playing in my head for a while already since this morning. It has been replayed more than three times on my player. Awesom-eeee (:
I had this tingle to fully support XinHui and PauLing's 'M' club today. Then again the habit of loving those around you is wired into my brain and I shall try to follow it sincerely.
'Nahhhh, that's perfectly fine- saying something that doesn't make sense and then giving me the 'You're wrong you know, stupid.' face.'
I saw two angmohs liplocking in the plane in the seat behind me. All over each other. I mean, talk about discreet; they were practically fogging up the glass. Poor guy bedside them. Free entertainment though if you look at it positively (:
"Mummyyyy, look they're lip-locking."
Ouch, silence hurts sometimes. Your silence, hurts bad.
Singapore is silently sucking up RM1 from me. Each time a teleported message is transferred from my phone to someone elses, the chances of me having to top up before my month is over increases. But it's fun- I like getting texts (:
Half way through telling, and unexpected disruption appears. It's all good, no negative sniggers so far. Oops, a butterfly must have flown into my stomach, more like a few.
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Ground rules aren't meant to be broken.
Legacy's are meant to be well thought through. You are remembered by what you do, how you look, and most of all- who you are.
Finding something new, means the chances of forgetting something old, is much higher.
I hate disappointing people, I hate crying and not knowing why. It hurts your throat that way alot more.
I liked your purple-ish shirt. I liked your earings too (: But sometimes although you know without a doubt how present you are in a moment, you feel like you actually aren't there.
I've noticed before how whale-y my arms are. But you know, when I look at 'em from a closer distance, they look like the whale has just got pregnant with a million babies inside. The room feels like it's shrinking around me in the cool bendable leathered chair or maybe I'm just getting bigger.
"It's not distorted, it's not. It's there."
I guess it's because you told me you'll never forget me, you'll always be there for support? And now- although it might not be true fully the way I'm somewhat seeing it, it really feels like that. Like the words were never said.
Ooh, a feather touched me. It's funny, due to my pathetic level of sensitivity, should a hippopotamus come in contact with my skin- I would probably shriek.
It's based and laid out now. And it's going to take a bit more time, a few more steps. Slowly, but it'll move somewhere. I'm not exactly where the destination will be. But stagnant isn't logical anymore.
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There's a cool-er looking man beside me now, a different one. This one has a funky beard and a cool coat to match it. I accidentaly overlooked the guy on my lefts computer screen and he was Facebooking, how fun (: Poke me, would you?
I just looked up and realised that beside Gisele, there's a hunky male model postered up advertising for Calvin Klein men. He's a James Franco lookalive, six pack and chiseled face and all. Pretty steamy, just a little bit.
Ohh, and the cool-er looking man has evolved yet again, it's now another angmoh, blonde and bearded- not that tall lowers my level of intimidation. And ohemgee- he's Facebooking too! Wow, where, are they all coming from?
I should probably go, I've been hogging the eversocool WiFi for a while now. The loo is calling yet again, I have a bottle of H20 to down before they confiscate it on the huge winged bird, again.
I'm back home soon.
'Taa loves.

A little bit of alot.

I think Caucasian kids are really beautiful.
Wait let me rephrase that- right now I am taken aback by Caucasian kids. Because to me all kids are pretty. I don't know- it's something bout the whole innocent, 'Ican'tbedoinganythingwrongnow,canI?' looks they give, remarkably pointless and sometimes senseless comments they make which just gets you thinking about the most unexpected of things, the smile which makes you forget that they just stepped on your toes, your white shoes which just got washed.
Then there are babies, or toddlers. At the stage where they can't exactly, talk- but can mumble little words that give you hints on what they want, where they want to go. The stares they give you which hypnotise for a few seconds, and then you realise that there's a whole crowd bustling around you, and the most you're going to get is the sheer excitement of carrying that petite little child. Their hands are the softest things ever and the small palms they rest on yours just makes you think how amazing it is that you've; grown. Or that your hands were once as small as theirs, you know?
Back to the Caucasian sweeties. Blond streaked brown hair, hazel eyes and tanned skin. The boys are adorable too, they have that grin which somewhat makes you smile silently to yourself.
I've decided to name my daughter Faith, I'm sure I've said that a dozen times already. But I like it- Faith (: Apparently, it's harder for boys names to hit me, I like Isaac so far though. I think it has something to do with being happy. Or I could be wrong. Either way I still like it- Faith, and Isaac. Did I mention I've thought about twins? Yeah, two of em but I guess in this case they'd have to be nonidentical. But it'd be sweet- I can imagine them holding hands. OhEmGeeee (:
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I was in the car this morning having my cereal, and it hit me- that in a long time I have not played 'Snake' on a Nokia phone. You know the game where the snake twirls itself into a know after trying to reach a pixelated 'food' item and bloodcurling- "NOOOOOOO ):"'s are let out? I think my highest points were above a thousand once, and I was so ecstatic once it reached that mark, a few seconds later I died. How convenient.
My phone has been dying on me at the most weirded out of times too. I flip the cover open and the whole screen goes pitch black, I shriek, and decide it's time to get a new phone.
Then I remember my expiry date for a new gadget which makes phone calls and sends text is not in another half a year. I slap my forehead and pray it works. it does after I reset it (: Then the pink metallic beauty acts up and the cycle repeats itself. How convenient.
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JoelLee didn't reply my text message yet again.
But you wrote on my Facebook wall, and you're coming back in about two weeks, I can't wait (:
*NudgeNudge*
So pretty now, aren't they? (:
Eugene, you're back soon too aren't you? Aww, can't wait our class is going to have bombastic words yet again- and toilet roll, and writing on our fingers, and playing 'spot the fake'.
It was colour coordinating in church today- Green in support of 'Stop the Global Warming.'
Sarah : Hey look Adrian I'm colour coordinated with you!
(PhyeBeng walks by)
Sarah : Oh you're wearing green too!
(I'm carrying baby Ryan, and then it hits me-)
Sarah : OhEmGee, and so is Ryannnn! Aaahhh, this is so cool (:
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Two hours and two minutes, I'm not sure how many seconds.
It wasn't fun, but it was good. (:
FlutterFlutter.
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I have finally loaded songs onto the notasawesomeasitcouldbe, MP3.
I like the fact that there are pictures inside though. I like pictures, I really do (:
Speaking of pictures, Caspian hasn't arrived and I'm beginning to wonder if he will ever really exist.
I did see a hot Pink camera with Germaine Love the other day. She's amazing to be around cause she's always so happy, and there's never a reason why. Which at times can get a little freaky, but yeah it's all good.
Rachel Ho, Baby Buddy is back. I'm happy (:
Don't you think ending of your sentences with a 'Smiley; (:' is so much more interesting than witha normal, '.' ? Yeah pretty awesome (:
Belated enough, I was told by Mr Global Warming, that Ms I Cause Volcanoes to Errupt won't help in climate change (:
MeiYi : Okay, the whole point is to add a sentence from any song into each sentence you say.
YiLin : I've got the be-est of both worlds, and I'm feeling so fabu-loussss!
My double 'E' on my file, which helps to spell my name fell out somehow. I am now left with- 'Sarah L'.
Jack : Hey, we should call you 'SL.' Aand for JackTung, I'll be 'JT'. Like Justin Timberlake! (:
Awesomeeee.
I've been sweating like wet dog at weird times of the day. The sun comes up and then dissapears. I'm waiting for rain and then Mr Sun to reveal himself and then cause a beautiful rainbow. So far, he's not cooperating though.
My nose is killing me now, I feel like scrapping it off and detoxifying it.
Unexpectedly, I've been told that we're making a day trip to Singapore this Tuesday. It's excitement and nervous bouts all in one. I do like planes though, air stewardesses are somehow interesting to watch. Their hugeass smiles, high heels, FrenchTwisted perfect hair and flawless makeup. Kind of like watching Barbie, live.
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Flutter, Flutter, Flutter (:
'Taa Loves.

Little By Little Bits.

Tears and Screams.
A float and a strong secure arm. Slightly veiny, but you could see the strength, muscle- security in it.
"No I don't want too. I don't want too."
The first step was made and the crystal blue surrounded the little boy so vastly. By the squeals, you'd never imagine there could be anything else more petrifying than the pool to him. The Ocean, didn't even need to cross his mind, this was the biggest thing- the queen of the ants. Scariest thing at that moment probably.But eventually, it encapsulated him fully, burying his little goggles in the blue, allowing only water bubbles to immerse occasionally. Jumps, squeals and satisfaction could be felt.
It was over, never existed. What- fear?
To think a few seconds ago, putting the little boy into the pool would have caused a mild seizure in his little chest, he would probably never want to shower again. Water would have destructed him, crushed his sense of security. The ground would have seemed limitlessly wonderful.
And right now, without having to see through a crystal ball, you knew, that when it was time to leave he would grunt, complain- object to it all.
The fear was gone, insecurity vanished losing itself in the vast container of H20. And it had been replaced with the sense of joy, bliss and ultimately, being the most unnoticeable- Faith, in the muscular veiny hands that held him there in the first place.
He grappled with the fact that the water would touch every single part of him, come into contact with his every tiny limb. And it would stay there for a while, till it finally dried off. That's just the way it is, he wasn't waterproof, wasn't water resistant and was definitely not surrounded by anything to keep the water a t a distance form him. That wasn't how it worked, you can't encapsulate from something so strong as, water especially when you're surrounded by it so vastly- everywhere.
The best he had was that hand- veiny but muscular firm hand to hold him. Provide support so his little feet would be above the ground, his little head above the water- allowing him to breath. It would be a little harder than usual. A little harder because you can't escape pressure that surrounds you in the water too, it acts on your every body part and doesn't miss an inch.
But he had the hand, the hand that made it that much easier, to conquer the scarily calm yet seemingly ragging. He could see it, see it being there next to the familiar body he always knew, Daddy. But before dipping his first foot in, the surety of whether it would keep him afloat was far from concrete.
But he trusted, and it turned out good.
You can't hate water, I can't.
I used to hate swimming, hate the whole thought of being in a immense bathtub of water with other bodies surrounding you. Exposure, unfamiliar, insecure, because you can only move that much easier compared to when you're on land I guess, and we don't even need to mention the amount of vulnerability you let yourself into. Immenser.
I never took swimming classes, I was pretty freaked out with the whole scenario of exposing yourself to the high risk of being buried under the so many kids you had to do arm strokes with, kicks with and utterly, be in tight spandex suits with. There was just so much time you had to breath in oxygen before water hit you right in the face and went through your throat and into your lungs- and it comes unexpectedly too. How convenient.
I still don't now to a certain extent. I hate it when there are more than a few people in, I hate it when you can hear more than the normal splash and breathing above the water, I hate when you can see bodies in a nearer than near distance from you. But the satisfaction you get after the water splashes and traps you beneath it is undescribable. It's breathtaking, exhilerating, delirious.
You feel the insecurity of not being able to touch the ground yet floating just lets you see the ground, from a higher perspective.
It begins, and it ends. The fear before and the satisfaction after.
It's almost as if the fear didn't exist, sometimes. Then you remember, that that's what got you to where you are today, taking the first petrifying step. And you just have to sometimes wonder, what would have happened if you never took it before. You wouldn't be able to experience this water now, would you.
The immense detest of the unknown, the exhilerating thrill of taking the first step, and the bliss and security in the strong hand that holds you up in the midst of everything.
Ironic, contrasting- unexplainable.
.
-I woke up late, too late. Thank God there was rubbish everywhere today.
-I did my AddMath on time today, I passed it up when I had too. "Sarah, have you finished your AddMath?" -Yup (:
-Spinning with your head towards the ground gets you utterly dizzy. You need to sit down and release a 'Whoaaaa' for a few seconds after. Just to get your balance, you know?
-Whore and Slut, is just too firmly incorprated in your vocabulary I guess. JonathanRyesMyerssss (:
-Eew, I smell something weird. "Sarahhhh." -How did you guess? :p
-The Gardener and Cleaner lady are sitting outside on the metal multicoloured bars. It's Physics; "See the hand movement? You have to go with the flow and immitate it."
*The Gardener puts his hand up in the air and does the shoo-fly hand gesture*
"Now it's telling the cleaner lady -Hoi, I asked you to do that, you never do. Go awayyyy! Shoo."
"Haha, like a BollyWood movie la Jack."
-"XinHui, I need tissue."
"You can use the hose."
"Uhh, doesn't that defeat the whole purpose of needing tissue? The hose lets of water which is wet you know."
"Haha, fine."
After I return- "Where's my tissue?"
"Ohh, you want it back now huh?"
"Eewww, NOOOO."
-I can feel the baby kicking. I think I'm having twins. We should PMS three at a time.
-"You knowwww, the length of your shoulder blade, is the same on the other side too?"
AAAAHHHH, don't touch me.
"You freaked her out Jack!"
Haha, dang I think I just minused my own points.
-A pimple the size of China has errupted on my face.
'Snail' bites, are the new 'Love' bites.
- I have grown, according to the ruler in the laboratory, by three cm. I highly doubt that is true, I was wearing shoes and those rulers are not always accurate.
If it is though, I bet it's showing sideways too.
The scale in the classroom, on the third floor seems to say a different thing though- I've shrunk three cm.
"Haha, Sarah you're even shorter up here. You've shrunk :P"
"Noooo, it's just the Earth's gravitational pull. Oh, and was it too bright for you yesterday? I wasn't blocking your sunlight ;p"
-I'm scared because I don't fully, know.
Trust is a beautiful thing though, it really is. It takes time, but also comes in time.
So we'll see- this could go either way. I'm just hoping for the best.
.
'Taa loves.
(...)
(A little later)
I guess sometimes, there are always two sides to the way you see things.
There's the barren, and then the bloom.
I'm not saying you're able to see it all the time- the contrast of each. But it is nice to get an overview of it once in a while.



I'm feeling a little bit more settled, a little bit more- reassured?
"Wowwww. (:"
The sunset was so pretty today. It wasn't the best one I've seen so far, but it held it's meaning in a perfectly discreet way behind it's blinding rays. I like, discreet to a certain extent.
Letting something out means it doesn't come back in. It might not turn out exactly- perfect. But I guess you wouldn't know till that risk is taken.
"If it doesn't turn out, then that's okay- cause that's just the way it is."
Right now, I'm content.
Nothing happens without a reason, I'm pretty sure. Nothing becomes Something in time, and only time moulds it to make it the highest extent of beautiful.
There's a certain amount of believing, and then there's a limit that is defined as limitless- that's trust. It takes time, faith and like I said, is exhiliratingly beautiful, when finally formed. Sculpted to it's finish. Not yet though, yet.
.

Check out my back. Quotes Zoe's shirt- "What tan lines?"
It's official- I'm two toned.
Haha, I would have looked pretty shocked before- know, pale? (:
Eek, a little scary to me.
Today, might be an overthinking day. Oh wait, that will make it dejavu for the last sixteen years then.
"Ehhhh, don't let it get to your brain!- Watch it don't explodeeee!"
Quotes, guess who? :p

Love, Zoe.

01. Compose a list of YOUR top ten sexiest famous men.
02. Collect one picture of each guy on your list.
03. Post them in your journal.
04. Tag three people to do the same.
sex·y
Slang; Highly appealing or interesting; attractive.
.
Let me hit this off by saying that I do not approve solely of the individuals stated.
I just (as stated from the dictionary) find them a little attractive.
So in no particular order of rankings, here it goes.
.
1 Ben Barnes (:
With his Spanish accent and dreamy prince-likeness in Prince Caspian.

2 Chad Michael Murray.
I think he captures you with his eyes, don't you think so.
And his chiseled I'm Smiling and Capturing You Without Even Trying smile.

3 Chris Pine.
Because he was ever so sweet in Just My Luck.
And despite not being the hunkiest hunk out there his timid carefulness makes him attractive.

4 Jake Gyllenhall.
Honestly I wouldn't rate him as a top good looker, just a nottoobad.
But I like the sentimental part of him.
Gentle, Sweet and all- know?

5 Jude Law.
I don't really like the bad boy image he has, in fact I kind of hate it.
I've known him some time for being the 'King of the Sheets' ahemahem.
But I think he's a pretty captivating guy.
Like somehow I locked eyes and fell for him, just a little.

6 Justin Timberlake.
Another bad boy persona which I strongly disapprove off.
But I like him dance moves and fedora, how could you not.
And he has a boyish charm, the one that attracts momentarily but eventually repels because, someone that outgoing to everyone out there- just won't work out. Know?

7 Mark Feehily.
Irish, Soft Spoken, Melt-yyyy.
Think it's his dark eyes and hair that gives a sink-ish feeling.
He wasn't the hunkiest during the Westlife days but he stood out cause he was, shy and sweet at the same time.
I liked that (:

8 Oliver James.
Raise Your Voice- with the English accent and boyish features.
He's a real boyboy. The innocence of it all having the whole t-shirt look, not too spiky, but spiky hair and his grin.

9 Shane West.
Fell in Love with his character in A Walk To Remember.
I watched the movie over ten times and I swear, I teared up every single time.
It's an oldie but the whole story line and characters in the movie are beautiful.
He was the rebel that ended up having a jelly heart that would melt if a flame was a mile away.
Soooo, sweet.

10 Wentworth Miller.
The only time I've seen him act is in the first few episodes of Prison Break.
But I liked his husky voice and whole mysterious persona that came along with him.
Rebel, yet Soft.
Aggressive yet Gentle.
The whole contrast of it all makes him confusingly attractive.

.
And that's about it.
Like I mentioned, these few are the ones who have captured me eye, just a little bit more- above the rest of them. It's a mix of the characters the play and the individual themselves.
I'm still keeping to my stand where I think- Falling for celebrities are a little a waste of time; unless you happen to be Gisele Bundchen, steamingly sculptured and tone, and most importantly I guess character counts too?
But yeah, I think falling for someone in the real world makes it a little, less complicating.
It kind of minuses the whole
"Oh no honey, they took a picture of me. With flashhhh today. And I wasn't eating a salad ):" scenario.
.
I am tagging mixed genders here because I think it'll be interesting to see the opposite side of what the male species think, you know? Then again curiosity killed the cat.
I'm tagging;
YiLin & XinHui (Seeing they both share blogs)
PhyeBeng and Eugene (Eugene you can do what you did for the previous tag)
Sloo Love, My BlueColouredCrayon in my future crayon set.
.
You know, you have nothing to worry about.

You couldn't ask for something more straight forward.

I have been disgustingly unproductive.
It just hit me last night, that I have a ton of work to start cramming into my brain, my room is a mess, I have completely unprioritized certain people, time and things I wanted to complete at the beginning of this week.
My list of 'To Do' things has been completely erased from memory and right now I don't even know where to start. I've been having an endless list of thoughts running around my head which I can't seem to put into words lately and it feels like slowly, they're starting to clog my brain nerves -numbness feels like it's setting in and becoming uncomfortably, comfortable.
Everything; people, events, images, thoughts, absence, presence. It all just isn't coming out the way I wish it could.
The jist of it is that I have been alive, for the past week with you both gone, I've managed to survive. It hasn't been easy, I'm not saying it has but I'm still here despite the bland taste you would feel should you decide to lick my brain.
.
My brain cells are going to slowly die off one by one I swear.
I'm going to have to start working my ginormous-bottom off, should I want to not throw my hope of either taking up designing or psychology (fornow) down the drain, just like that.
I feel my whole sense of time planning has disappeared, when I do attempt to it never works out.
It's the incompetence of multi-tasking settling in, or I need to get a planner and actually write notes in it, instead of drawing parachutes and air balloons.
There's this nudging sense at the back of my brain which scares me a whole lot- the whole thought of suddenly failing every subject and not making the passing mark to even graduate from highschool.
I made a promise to myself when I was teensy and in my kindergarten uniform, to not become a dropout, not become a disgrace and if I don't do awesomely, in life- at least be able to make it through without looking like a complete utter failure, you know?
I need to start buying postits and stick it to my forehead to remind myself.
"You shall try your very best, Sarah- not to become and idiot." ):
.
Sleepover at YiLin's was fun. I am an accident prone at her house, injured my toe, slipped and feel on my bottom and whacked my butt against her study table.
"I have Kim Kardashian's butt ):" -How revolting. Lipo would be an option, if it didn't contain the fact that death is an even bigger option, comes with the package, so I've heard.
Nonetheless, we had fun looking out for sights on Capri we want to visit when we have a bit more money. Or at least when we have a substantial amount which allows us to not get kicked of the plane/ have to wash dishes for passengers.
Guess what happened;
"Don't worry, if your camera runs out of battery, we'll have mine! (:"



Multi shots are always kind of cool.
And we have come to the conclusion that YiLin cannot, stop moving.

Immitating the lala poses.
Two, Three and Five.

Oh, sidetracking- My tongue is actually very short and stumpy. It's also kind of oddly shapped?

JLo's Braver album cover.
YiLin : Hey lets see who can look at each toher the longest without laughing.
*pauses*
HAHAHAHA.
Sarah : I win (:

StarJumps at two in the morning.

I see her, wait now I don't- Oh there she issss (:

The classic- Stalkerism


Picking 'stuff' from my head.


Doing the Nicole Ritchie and Paris Hilton.
Note- the dogs.

Attack of the robotised YiLin.
In motion sequence (:

EyeLashCurler's Inspiration (:

Woke up the next morning and went back too it (: But just for a little while seeing the alarm kind of snoozed a few times, no kidding.
"Man, we were supposed to wake up early and be earlier than XinHui."
"Yeah, so much for that now."

.
Sucking it in, isn't as easy as letting it out, literally and metaphorically. Both ways I find it equally disgusting.
I look revoltingly disgusting no matter what skin colour I'm in.
Suntan either makes me look even more tomato-ey, redddd (thus contributing to the fact I am shaped, tomato-ey) or the bottle I'm using is expired and useless on my skin.
My arms look like they are swollen, my thighs look like silicon has been inserted inside and my tummy, whoa- nine months preggers, without a doubt.
Noooo, Sarah isn't wearing a tire around her neck, it's naturally there.
"She couldn't get more masculine than this!" I look fuh-rea-king-ly like the type of unknown genders you find in Bangkok dancing clubs late at night.
I look like a stump, next to the tallest tree in the world. Make that a few stumps all joined together to form one huge blob of adipose tissue- revoltingly atrocious.
.
I have no idea how many people there are exactly in the world. I have no idea how many women, men, and children there are too exactly.
But I was thinking about it just the other day, and you know how yoou can be in a huge crowd and say to yourself, "Whoa, that's aloooot of people." ? Yeah, the strange bewildering fact is that aside from all those 'aloooot' of people- there are just so many more out there.
What's even more bewildering if you think about it, is the genetic content each one has.
Unless you have been in contact with clones, as similar as two individuals might be, they are utterly and completely, different still.
I doddle when I can't pay attention and I was drawing cartooned girls that day and I tried to make each one different. Then I guess it just got to me, that no matter how many cartoon figures I draw, I'd take longer than forever to actually finish drawing every single individual in the world. And I don't think, even a single one would be an exact replica of the other. Sure they'd be similar, but an exact replica? I highly doubt it.
I don't mean anything, this is definitely not a 'Sarahfinallygetssomesenseintoherhead' moment. it's not a sudden realisation that causes for rejoicing if you get what I mean, I've not turn to the positive side which I know, has been tried to be implanted into me for quite some time now. Not just yet.
It's just really bewildering if you think about it, you know?
.
I wish you could see me crying as I'm complaining over you on MSN.
Because I don't want a single word I'm saying to sound like utter nonsense, I don't want it to sound like 'Something she's saying, just because she feels like it'. Because typing it out hurts, and I know that I won't have the courage to say it out face to face- because then I'd just choke and stammer my words up. Then they'd just sound like gibberish.
No kidding, Asian girls are supposed to be 'smaller' built. Asian girls are supposed to be a little more 'petite'.
Jelly looks good on a plastic plate and decorated with strawberries, not on someones waist.
Oh wait, let's make that not on someones entire body.
I freaking, hate this.
Do you understand? I miss you.
.
Roxy Summer Splash was spent with YiLin, XinHui and PauLing.
These three are the most hilarious people when it comes to defending their rights in:
-Not cutting queue when you've been a line for two hours.
-Not blowing smoke right into people's faces when you know, smoke causes passive smokers a higher chance of getting carcinogenic-fied.
-Not pushing and stepping on people's flipflops when noone, can move seeing you're crammed in a bunch of smelly, hot and sweaty angry people, waiting 'in line' to get their goody bags which they 'lined up' to wait for, ever so ethically.
-How their veryveryvery, proud of their, race (:
Either way, it was somewhat 'fun', getting really sandy feet, dipping in dirty water and spying on RA's, SA's and the ever so famous 'M's.
Sarah: Hey PauLing, I see Zoran.
PauLing: *SCREAMSSSS* Whereeee?
Despite being the hunkiest piece out there, personality really determines the who outcome I guess. It plays a humongous part in how a person ends up being perceived.
So, you- showing at least a little interest when a picture-with-you is asked to be taken with someone might just have boosted your points up a little. Yeah, your eyes might have been to die for, hazeled green and dark blonde hair, but a real smile and just a drop of attention when people are waiting to talk to you, might have contributed majorly to your rankings, you know? Oh don't worry, I think she's waiting for you to liplock.
You- on the other hand, PauLing thinks your awesome because you actually bothered to communicate when communication was strewn out from someones mouth. And we thought you were pretty awesome too! On our list, your rankings zoomed upppp after it all (:
XinHui : Who cares bout this Aaron guy la, I'm hungry.
The girl who loves cats and snails (:

YiLin, Sarah, XinHui and PauLing.

I woke up with an eye bigger than the other.
Revolting ):
.
Now let's all pull the trigger at Sarah.
Cause everyone has perfectly sculpted bodies.
Perfect skin toned bodies.
Flat abbs, muscular hands and, where did all the cellulite go?
Oh wait, they all don't have any- it's just you.
.
-Finally watched Prom Night with Mr. Messy, Andrew came along.
I didn't get a heart attack which was pretty relieving. There were sudden bouts when I sat up in the chair with a 'Whoaaaa.' but that was about it (:
-Spent a random afternoon with Germaine Love laughing about the most random of things.
She had to accompany me to the toilet four times in about two and a half hours, yes I do need to check my bladder.
"Know what? You don't have one maybe it just flows right through you Sarah! :) " that was her conclusion. RachelHo, we miss you.
This was ages ago.

Apparently it's tradition to laugh about nothing whatsoever when you're talking to Germaine, but then again that's just what makes her, her (:
- Spent a day with Ian.
BubbleMilkTea tastes like coffee, Super Soakers are the best waterguns, My feet are much smaller than yours, Do you know, I've never tried Subway before?, Support the film industry- buy only REAL DVS's, Hiding behind curtains because they're transparent is a perfectly sensible thing to do. (:


.
Having Faith, does not mean you won't have Doubts.
I guess it boils down to the plain fact that choosing to have Faith already compensates for the doubts that might arise once in a while. It's hard to grasp the fact when you're stuck in a rut and everything seems to be crumbling- Doubt hits you so bad it's as if the Faith that seemed so assuring never really existed.
Then there's the -God never lets anything that's happened, not happen for a reason, scenario. It's grotesque thinking about it when like I said before, the situation you're in seems to suck the life, thoughts and basically whole existence of you. But when you think back about it it's quite beautiful, seeing the bigger picture of what things have turned, or might turn out to be?
Having Faith that Doubts will eventually turn into much clearer picture in the long run, just makes it a little more comforting. And being able to step, run, liedown and even fall on the biggest, softest and most secure Hands of Him, makes it all that much better?
.
Thanks for being so blunt.
Thanks for encouraging damage to the doors cause of a massive impactful slam.
Thanks for making me look like an idiot while you looked perfectly normal- like it's just everyday you blow someone off bluntly without any expression. Maybe you do.
Thanks for intimidating me, making it so clear again why I used to be utterly afraid to talk to you. It somehow ends up being talked about, everbody ends up knowing.
Kind of reminds you of the heirarki of it all, and how no matter how friendly you get, the risk of getting clawed right on the face when I'm already having a fatass-day, is still extremely possible. So yeah, just staying on the lower level might guarantee my safety maybe. Lower level meaning status, age and everything- I hope then you'll be a little less edgy.
.
I hate, missing people so much. Somehow it makes me feel pathetic and needy, because sometimes you don't know whether it's a two way or one way street.
"Che, I talked to KoKo last night. He's coming back in eighteen days (:" And I really cannot wait. Please do not disappoint me.
Editing pictures is somewhat depressing at times.
"Credits to PhotoshopPhotoshopPhotoshopPhotoshop."
Her complexion isn't thaaaat perfect, her cheekbones aren't thaaaat high chiseled, her eyes aren't thaaaat Bambi-fied, her stomach isn't thaaaat stable. I mean, it can't be, right? ):
I contemplated privati-zing this blog and hesitated, then decided it might not be a bad idea at all. My brain is pendulum-ing around and it doesn't want take a short break.
.
My Tuition teachers mother is disturbingly, odd.
Either that or she really doesn't like me. Oh how coincidence that we feel the same way, mutual opposition.
I needed to relieve my bladder really badly after class today. As I was walking toward the toilet which was just behind the class (you have to pass a kitchen before) she stopped me with her magic mop and an, "OOI." I pointed to indicate that all I wanted to do was use her bathroom- which is always disgustingly wet, somehow I think she washes it super toroughly everytime someone just steps in.
She pushed her mop towards me and told me I couldn't.
"Umm, but teacher said I could go, and I really need to go."
She shook her short haired evil beaded eye head and said No. Frustrated I gave her the- 'Geeeez la' grunt and went in to ask my teacher, AGAIN if I could use the toilet. She said I could.
I wish she told that to you in your face Mrs Elderly.
Entering through the back door having to make one round around the classroom, I started going DoubleEuTeeHaych consecutively.
Remember how the toilet is always, wet? I contemplated on passing the kitchen with my wet feet, appearing from behind her and pasing my way through, leabing my wet footprints behind for her to wipe all over again (I know she detests doing it overandover again so much)- but I decided to control myself and not do it.
Hah, there you go. For that, I think you owe me at least a little nice sentence in English, so I don't have to shake my head everytime I walk in hearing you say something in Chinese behind my back.
Oh, and also not hear you say the only thing you have to me in English- Next time you want to use the toilet, you go to the hose outside the house.
What, is that really. PPFT.
.
This is quite an outragous post, but everything (or most of it) has come out I think.
I feel slightly less clogged now.
Stay tuned, for Sarah's list of Top 10 Sexiest Men; tagged by Zoe.
First, I have to dictionary the word Sexy, because if you think about it it can mean so different things, coming from so many perspectives, you know?
'Taa loves.

I need Scottland and a magnifying glass-

-so I can begin my hunt for Four Leaved Clovers.
I am trying to prioritize.
Therefore, instead of editing Picture saturation, brightness and clarity, I am now going to do Physics. We'll just see how long that lasts.
I'm sorry for the lack of updates, it's all coming soon.
I've kind of jumbled it all into a long and meaningless post.
.
And to compensate for the not getting mild hyperventilation or minor heart seizure with you in Prom Night, you earn a point and mentioning;
- Jack - (loves Ipoh) says:
so Sarah
- Jack - (loves Ipoh) says:
want another 1000000000 billion points ?
Gimme a pickup line tomorrow
Sarah. says:
Haha, ouch Jack.
Sarah. says:
You burnt me ):
- Jack - (loves Ipoh) says:
but Sarah (says this in a very meaningful voice)
you're too COOL to be burnt. =)
Sarah. says:
Haha, wow we are so pro at this. We should write a book.
.
You Two, You, You, You and You.
Have to be all over the world now, don't we.
Two joined together in the Eu-Ass-Ay, Two in Aussie, One in Singapore, and then there's you.
.
There's something about You,
I can't quite figure out.
Everything You do is beautiful,
Everything You do is, right.
.
I'm getting the pre-school-jitters all over again.
And I feel, funny ):
Like I said, where did practically eve-ry-one go.
'Taa pretties.

Major Road Block-

-'s stink because you're left in the car stagnant with absolutely nothing to do.
I detest, being still sometimes. Hehhhh.
.
I think, little girls grow up too fast nowadays. Watching a innocent beaded eye puppy grow into a ferocious shoe chewing adult canine, is similar to seeing the progress of little girls from shiny black shoes and lighted pink sneakers, to now semi high heels and mini skirts.
I finished swimming and I saw two girls, little probably eleven year old girls walking in the opposite direction of where I was coming from. They had their little handbags, polo and baby tee, fiddled a little with their hair and they walked with a slight strut. It wasn't an observant day and I didn't notice if their feet were decorated with heels, or flops- nevertheless, the strut was prominent enough.
It's exhilarating seeing how similar dress sense is being worn around the house now, how curly waves, handbags and long necklaces are acceptable, pretty attractive, in.
Did I mention my fetish for Frangipanis? Did I mention I bought fake flowers from the Curve with the two loves to slot inside my hair?
"Che, I got you something. Here (:"
The sister smiles, and passes me a Frangipani flowerclip.
"Where didya get it from?"
"Central Market, like it? (:"
I smiled, and that's about it. Just a smile and we both walked away not expecting an answer, maybe it's become the norm, maybe it's just a developed personality after the 12 years of living under the same roof. Either way, my grey matter still stimulates and I remember this picture I have of me holding her when she was in diapers bawling her teensy eyes out. I'm smiling with my cheesyhugeass smile although I've lost a front tooth.
Seems like just yesterday we were jumping up and down the leather coach attempting to imitate the fighting scene in Parent Trap waving out lighted up plastic laser swords around. Now, I receive random Frangipani flowers, on your shopping trips.
It's beautiful- you, and at the same time, playing Parent Trap was really, ohsofun. Che-che, to now Che. Wow, SanSan? ILY (:
.
I think, trust is such a beautiful thing. It's something that cannot be bought, cannot be gained and definitely cannot be possessed, 'just like that'. It has to be earned.
Earning it doesn't come easy, earning it means taking risks, facing consequences and having a huge risk of getting hurt.
Picking up a bow and arrow and aiming it the best you can at the target, doesn't guarantee a bullseye, sure the possibility is there- of getting the 100 points, what you set out aiming to achieve. Obtaining the 100 points right at that instant might seem splendid, flawless and just breathtaking. But in all consideration, if being able to hit the 100 points, requires missing darting the board in all the other tries you have -that just seems to lower the splendour of it all. Seems to lower the attraction, beauty and the 'worthwhile considering' of grasping the 100 points, in the first shot you take. And on the other hand, missing the bullseye on the first shot, yet actually aiming and darting the fixed target in all the next tries, really doesn't seem like such a bad idea once it's been thought about for a while, after all.
.
And right now, I just got a brain jam.
I get this weird vibe that there are alot more cars lining up behind the trafficlight, building into a massive congestion. If the traffic light doesn't start cooperating, there might be major collisions and I sense that ain't going to be very pretty.
I wonder who put sticky tape on my mouth.

Grey Matter Input.

You, BM speaking .. wait let me rephrase that, BM teaching thing;
I sometimes think sensitivity is a virtue, because it guides, gauges and somehow limits what you say so you don't offend people in a way that hurts. It allows you to say the things you want to say, but prevents it from coming out too strongly, harshly, crudely. Maybe you don't have that little bit of sensitivity, maybe you don't see how hurtful it comes out as, don't feel it. Yeah, you being all tall, lanky and muscular. Oh, you even have reasonably good features and spiky gel-led hair to go with it. I guess it just has probably never dawned on you, never been spat across your face so bluntly, or been uttered, mocked and jeered at you. You're probably one of the lucky ones, lucky insensitive ones.
Wait, Sarah. You're going too far here. Maybe you're just a little too sensitive.
Either way, I somehow feel that what's happened cannot be erased, can't be removed or replaced with a sketched out 'perfect' scenario despite how strongly I want it to be. The fact of the matter is that unlike the show- The Click, fast forward, rewind and pause and play again; aren't an option when it comes to the actual tangible sphere with a billion over people on. It's happened, I've felt something and I'm going to spill it, oh boohoo for you, it's in English.
.
She walks in and yeah, what she's wearing might be a little tighter than your uncreased, ironed out shirt. Her skirt maybe shorter than your long charcoal pants and she's wearing flipflops, not penguin looking shoes like yours. So what?
Her body is differently shaped from yours, probably not as 'tough'. So what?
She's slightly late, and yes I'm guilty of that 99.9 percent of the time. I was early today though how abnormally pleasant. You're going on and on infront about something I have zilch idea about, in Malay- "I didn't get an A in my PMR for this subject", I'm thinking but she walks in anyway like I said, slightly late. So, fuh-reaking what?
Sarcasm seems into you, maybe you've had it all along, I don't know. And then you start, start in that sarcastic voice, teasing mocking or just wanting to make her laugh maybe
"Ehh, muka awak selalu macam itu ke? Macam, lebih bulat sikit." In English, the more favourable language to me, that means, "Has your face always been like that? To me it looks rounder, you know?"
I don't know what your intentions are, I hate judging because to me, you don't judge, unless you know. You could have had good in mind, you could have wanted to hurt and just make a little fun of her, 'no harm' right? I cringe at the thought of having that be the first words being uttered to me, if I had just stepped into a class. I try to shrug it off, but no, you don't stop there now, do you?
Like I said, you could have just been being sarcastic, 'funny' or maybe that was your way of punishing her for walking in slightly late.
"Eh, betul la, awak kuat makan sejak akhir ini ke?"; "Really, have you been eating more lately?"
It's funny how you say it with a smile, funny how you say it like it's nothing and you even can hear a few giggles from people in class too. You say it like it means absolutely nothing, like it's comparable to asking, "So you got your hair cut, huh?" in front of the whole class.
"Whatever la, teacher. Yeeeesh."
I don't know what's going on in her mind exactly, I don't know how she feels or how she's reacting to it, but inside I know exactly how I would feel had you said those words to me.
I felt for her, my throat welled up but it was more of anger towards you that crying for her. Because like I said, what she was going through at that instant might not have been parallel to what I felt too. She might have shrugged it off, knowing you probably didn't mean it- I mean she wasn't at all in relative to anything 'bulat' anyway.
I detested you at that second, wait not you. What you said, how insensitive you seemed and in my mind, I kept asking myself why you wouldn't just shut up. Shut up with the crap about shape, size and what she had or had not eaten; it's her business, yours.
".. whatever." Whatever.
Somehow, that just sounded a little too, familiar. Excruciatingly painfully, comfortingly, familiar.
.
It hit me, how easily effected I get.
It hit me how insensitive comments were being strewn around nowadays.
What you said, replayed in my mind again and again, "Girls, even in KL, tinier."
A mix of jealousy and grief, consideration and self-centeredness, weakness and strength, all bundled up into a huge ball of confusion.
What if she does, What if she doesn't; It effects me positively, and hits me negatively hard.
I don't know exactly where I'm getting here, where I want to be heading when my fingers are dancing across the keyboard and what I want to achieve.
But maybe, not only you, but everyone; Sometimes, a little more consideration while uttering words, can in the long run be crucially vital.
Get a Post-It, and stick it on your forehead everytime you see your perfectly chiseled built. I allow you to rephrase that in Malay, don't worry.
Really, I don't mean to be harsh, come out as insensitive you you, or even hypocritical and I'm sorry if I do. I just feel that my body temperature reading might be a little high, if you take a thermometer and put it under my tongue right now, you know?