The pretty.

Aunty Julia's birthday lunch.
-Cinnamon Coffeehouse, One World Hotel.
It was the God mothers birthday and we had a tiny gathering to celebrate her 61st. Caspian came along, made friends with the triplets and was privileged to have nice lighting, waiters who could answer questions and good company around.
The highlight was definitely the three little ones. On the plus side (literally), the buffet spread was good and I went with mummy's assurance that the quality would be very controlled, good and safe ;)
Wide, wide, wide.
Carolyn.Ashley.

And my favourite little boy, Ryan.
They each had 'pink and green' ice-cream, which in adult words would be called strawberry and mint flavoured ice cream.
And their expressions for 'cold' which showed on their faces after the metal spoon went in were priceless. The whole, nose scrunch, mouth in an 'O' shape thing (:
"Carol, PrettyPretty." Mama and Ryan.It's hard enough to get a little kid to smile for the camera so when you have three of 'em, that just makes it all the more easier. It's pretty funny because when one of them looks and smiles, the other is either turning away or making a very contrasting face (:

*Note- Ryan (: (: And then, like they do in Fridays, they brought out a cake and sang for her. Just that they sang and presented then whole cake thing in a much more classy way. Minus the chili bottle and standing on a chair to do the whole speech thing.

The Kong family we love.
Ryan and YeYe.

Mama and Carol.

Ashley and Mama. She's the livewire amongst the three, that's why there isn't a picture of her deliberately taken with aunty Julia. The best of the lot, she's still suchh a stunner (:

'Daddy' (:

Happy Birthday, Love always.
So, awesome (:

And narcisstic-ally;

'Taa love.
.
Swim, Tire, Break, Release.

T-itch.

Your words mean alot, so when they get uttered in the wrong way- they hurt alot too. They hurt and bring down and they make the past two years of effort seem bloody pointless. Because I wouldn't be this size if it weren't because of you. And well, since you said it- Yeah, I cannot wait, to be gone. It'd probably save all your chicken cutting hassle.
And you. I do dots and swirls. I do denim minis and tees with big bags, flats and big earrings. Now what would you do without all that pictured out I wonder. We'll see when I'm not here.
I want to swim till my arms break, and run till my legs snap. And loose all this unnecessary weight. Freaking everything.
Screw, you.

From the head down to the toes.

Gisele, gets stored onto my phone. Toned, Tiny, Thin.
I remind myself. Limit, Less, Looks.
The lights are pretty, people are wonderful and the moments goes along- survived. It doesn't seem too bad, there isn't a lift in the lift like most hotels have, and tell myself- suck it in. Three; Tiny and Beautiful, and Caspian captures them too, so I'm pretty happy then (: Distracted, Dizzy and Delirious.
But then, I start to worry, tremble and think. I remember about gravity, weight and expenditure. And suddenly in my white flats, my feet feel alot bigger.
I am scared, terrified, petrified.
I am not contented.
I hate, mirrors.
Somehow, the billboards I see then have to contain Keira Knightley- just as she is. And Britney, all photoshoped and flawless. Every smooth curve which then gets compared to lots and lots of bumps. Talk about vast difference.
I hate, intimate exposure.
Walking in huge crowds is, nerve wrecking. Brain damaging and mind exhausting too.
Eew, my tummy. Oh gawsh, my arms. And whoa; the legs. I actually (without being metaphoric or sarcastic) felt the ground vibrate in the shampoo section of a pharmacy.
Ironically, Hillsongs and Superchick play. Gisele and me are stored onto my phone. Debating takes place, contemplation seems so problem solving.
It's still on going. Not physically but very much mentally. Tiring, Tricky and Tedeous.
I think I'm tired, exhausted. The scenario of my room aircon blasted on and my head right under my pillow, under my covers seems pretty inviting. But then, I can't be tired. And stagnant is stench.
Bella's not done, and she could go on for a long more while. Cunning, Cumbersome, Clever. Dangerous, Deceptive and very, indecisive. Yet I still don't know why, telling her off for good is not on my list. It's somewhat, Disappointing. Yet, it's definitely not.
I. Hate. My. Body.
.,
After seeing your Facebook, reading your blog and then stopping for a bit to think, everything I've just thought now seems somewhat wrong. Yet it somehow still feels so right.
Confusing, Terrifying yet Ongoing.

Forever.

I will sing to you Lord- a hymn of love, for your faithfulness to me.
I'm carried in everlasting arms, You'll never let me go-
through it all.
.
I love running.
Because you just- go.
Before you take another step- it's natural to not need to think of where you're heading. And I think that's where the beauty in it all lies. The whole, not needing to think. It just requires a lifted leg, another step and you would have already moved ahead.
It's unpredictable, uncontainable, and unexplainable.
.
I've just worked my finger out a tad bit, how awesome.
Scrolling down the long list of pictures was, very nice. Not arranged in date, place or event everything was mixed up.
Different emotions, different looks, different people. All bonded together in a file labelled 'Picasa', and in that, a ton of other files with a million tiny pixels forming together to create everything I call memories.
There are pictures of you, and it's so bewildering to see how different things are from when that picture was taken. How situations have changed, obstacles have been overcome and bonds have been strengthened. I'm generalizing this you, because to subtly name each memory would take forever to complete. I won't say, "I hope you know who you are." because that would be just too general. It would loose its meaning, shallow-fy its depth and it just wouldn't be the same, as compared to if I do list out every picture and memory that just ran through my head.
But like I said, it'll be just too long, listing every single thought that ran through my head tonight.
I guess, time will keep passing, pictures will keep coming and memories will continue building. Good, or Bad. But it's pretty awesome, to see how it's nearing the end of another year. And to think of what's yet to be accumulated in that file labelled, Sarah's pictures is just -dumbfounding. But beautiful at the same time.
I do, hope you who reads this now know that you're in my picture box. I hope you know that little or small, big or tall- your picture inside my folder is one more picture that adds to the significance of it all.
You're there because the role you play, importance you are and memory you have helped sculpt is one more tremendous significance treasured. One more picture that I looked at tonight and then smiled at.
And you know, they say smiling helps increase your lifespan, so thank you (:
Thank you for being, you in my life.
So generalized, so uncategorized and so vast you might think. But like I said, whatever size shape or category you come under my picture folder- I think knowing that you played a role in contributing a smile, would be a little blurry at first. It might just come as a little feeling. You might not be sure, if I'm talking about you. But that slight hint, that slight pang of doubt, wonder and "Is it me?", would be enough to assure you that, I am.
You're special, not only because you're in my picture folder. But because that tiny picture has so much more meaning, plays s big role and contains an immense amount more of significance that you think it does.
I, Love You (:
Here's to Then, Now, and Later.

Jelly-Belly.

As far as I know, this thing has its bouts. Sure, it's there all the time, everyday- takes lots of arguing, lots of rebelling, repelling and strength to keep it down, at bay. But when it hits, it hits hard.
It comes when least expected and takes the smallest of things to spark off. One glimpse, one glance, one small thought for the vicious battle to start all aver again.
There's a curvy mirror in my room and it's been there for two years now. Still the same shape, but the image it holds is definitely different. Size, Shape, Thoughts, Person altogether. I look into it, first thing in the morning nearly everyday and sure, I don't like what I see.
But like I said, this 'thing', has major bouts.
On not so terrible days, my hair is out of place and everything looks way too turgid. I grunt, sigh, 'tsk', 'urghh' -whichever one comes first, sometimes a few in a row. That's when it's drizzling and I don't think I need an umbrella that crucially to shield the water droplets away. Because I tell myself I can get through the day long enough to get wet, but not soaked and drenched till it pulls me down. Then almost immediately after one of those sounds are released, I turn away or take a giant step to my left or right, only to face a complete white wall instead of that shiny metal reflection that doesn't please my eye at all.
But on a terrible day, it's scary. Scary because that turgidity, becomes so uncontainable it almost feels like the mirror is going to crack with the amount of mass it has to reflect back for me to see. It doesn't drizzle then, it starts to pour, flood and drown. It puts every single flaw under not only a microscope, but a telescope making the moon look pathetically slim despite how round it is.
And in my head when the mirror starts cracking, all I get back is sharp piercings through my skin which cut deep. Each piece contains a body part that bounces into my skin and remains, making it feel like it just adds to my body mass even more.
Fragments so small, yet leave such a huge bleeding impact-
A complexion which is patchy, bumpy and rough.
A nose which looks like someone hit it with a baseball bat causing it to look utterly swollen.
A neck with a million layers of round rubber floats all joined to the skin.
A jawbone-less jawbone which is hidden behind lumps of skin that wobbles with each small step.
Collarbones aren't there, just a huge mass of skin.
Arms which have such a long way more to go till they're shaped right, toned and don't jiggle when lifted.
A seven month preggers tummy.
Don't get me started on the whale like legs which touch everywhere, are cellulite-d to the brim and just feel so heavy, scary and awful.
Calves, which are not toned, and move from one continent to another when a single step is taken.
-all, magnified in each fragment of glass that bounces then cuts back.
I hate premiers, launches or openings of events which hire girls as decorations to dress skimpily, stand around and give out freebies only to make customers spend more money. It's not only ironic, but it just makes the chances of standing in a toilet with one of those poster girls beside me, having their reflection and then my own staring back -that much higher.
It's tough enough knowing that they're five foot ten, slender and have a ton of makeup on under that already babybutt complexion face, but the fact that they're all dressed up baring assets they naturally have without having to sculpt, work on or tone makes it so much more queasy. Makes it sting so much more.
I realise detest judgements to the core, but I feel utterly uncomfortable with other peoples sizes sometimes. Elaborating is too hard, so I'm not going to push myself to do it. But let's just say, I don't like drawing people too small because it hurts, my eye. And drawing 'em a little bigger, makes me feel uncomfortable I tend to scrunch up the paper and throw it down the bin.
I know, I look at smalls' and get an answer on the spot, -Small is comfortable, carefree, happy, good. It's something I want and should push myself to get, achieve and grasp. But at the back of my head, I know achieving small to me is impossible. It's ironic, stupid, idiotic, ludicrous because I know it will build up and add on to the worry, fear and strife to want even smaller. I know it will end up a vicious cycle which spirals down, and it requires twice the effort to climb back up that spiral staircase.
I don't know where this is going, how it will end or when it will stop. But I know, it's hard, tiring, terrifying and everyday. It's present all the time, it always will be. Knocking softly, Hitting hardly -it has it's bouts. "It's not how you get rid of it, cause you never will. It's about how you deal and quieten it down."
But I guess, the most comforting sentence I've seen all day so far, is this;
'..every knitted brow, every surge of confusion, every wave of despair, every sliver of courage that wavers, He sees. Pain invisible to the naked eye, He sees.'
And in the midst of it all, the truth that holds, is bewilderingly, so comforting.

Building Bricks.

You've got to love Katy Perry -Hot and Cold (:
It's so indecisive, so fickle, so mixed up.
Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in and you're out
You're up and you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make out
.
You know when you're scanning just for the sake of scanning in shops, and the shop assistance follow you so closely, you can feel them breathing down your neck? I find that utterly creepy.
Somehow that gives me the, 'Watch what you do so you don't look like you have crime in mind' feeling. No doubt, I don't intend to steal anything or throw rubbish inside a for sale rubbish bin. But the whole effect felt when shop assistance follow you, make looking at something that catches the eye feel, risky. Ish ):
.
It's pretty ironic, how weight loss products, always make you have to consume something.
Ironic, Stupid and as Mummy says, "Pretty unreliable, because you're basically stuffing a bunch of chemicals down your throat." She should know, she's a chemist.
.
I love, little kids. I like the fact they can get away with ice cream smeared all over their mouths, have their little rubber soled shoes step on the plastic cushions in cafes and get away with it pretty easily.
But when they get a little older than -toddler and start screaming, making a fit, being all pissy, hitting their siblings with empty plastic bags (ohhoweffective) and go all -'I want it give it to me or I'll scream my lungs out till they pop considering I'm already screaming loud enough to deafen Sarah slightly', I just feel like taking a pillow and hitting them om their little heads. Not hard enough to knock them out, just enough till they get slightly woozy and find it hard to multitask following their parents, so as to not get lost and talking at the same time.
But everything aside I do, like kids- I really do (:
.

According to JasonVoon, while he was washing tons of cups after refreshments on Sunday;
Using paper cups, means you have to cut down trees.
Plastic cups release poisonous gas when heated strongly causing sever ozone layer damage. If using the type you can wash, you waste water washing 'em.
And styrofoam cups, are not biodegradable.
So what do you do when you're stuck with a million cups to wash and the fact that somehow any type of cup -isn't all that environmentally friendly?
My conclusion -"Next time I'm on coffee duty, I'll just get two hee-uge Ikea vases, fill 'em with coffee and tea for people to drink from. Ohh, and that saves all the washing I need to do (;"
.
Instant noodles, always come with monosodiumglucomate, also known as ar-gee-no-mo-toe. Basically, this stuff is flavouring that makes your hair drop if too much is consumed.
Picking up a instant noodle package which seemed pretty okay seeing it had this sign saying, 'Non-Fried-Noodles' on it, I checked the labelled at the back and went,
"Mummy, it says monosodiumglucomate. That's the thing that makes you grow bald right?"
She replies, "Yeah, if you take to much it does." But then, she pauses and adds-
"Oh, check if it's from Singapore. Cause I trust the monosodiumglucomate there more, should be fine."
So now, I know that Mummys preference and confidence in Singapore food is much higher than Malaysia's. And ohwow, I could not agree more.
So loves, buy Singapore products, to add a few more years to your life (:
.
When people swim right in the middle of the lane you're swimming in and just stone there, even if they see you coming, I secretly hope I 'accidentally' kick them.
Not hard enough for them to get a major injury, just hard enough so they stay faar away and label me in their heads as, 'Better not go so close to that dangerous kicking girl'. Oh wow, and a plus point if that happens, is that my swimming lane widens. And the widening for me, would definitely come in handy.
.
I'm singing in the shower. Singing pretty enthusiastically because somehow the string of song on Hitz FM is on my side and we all like nice songs now don't we?
But then halfway through Katy Perrys -Hot and Cold, thunder booms. And then the whole, 'OhMyGawsh, What they say about bad singing and how it causes rain might actually be true'. So then dumbfounded at the thought, I shut up, and a few seconds later, start singing again. This time though, much quieter under my breath (:
.
"Hey Sarah, I'm doing this survey thing for school. And I need to know -What's awesome to you?"
*Pauses*, "H20 (:"
.
"Starting to rain girl, better get before you get wet."
._______O?
I totally do not get, how people panic when it starts to drizzle slightly while they are in the pool.
Because if you're already immersed in water and a few droplets start to drop on your head, it reallyy, doesn't make any difference to how much wetter you get you know.
Duhhhh ):
.
I don't like stepping on drain holes because I'm scared by freak chance, I'll fall in or my leg will get stuck between the holes.
I don't like it when people open the fridge for too long because I somehow feel all the cold air gets released and condensation takes place -too much of it.
And I don't like, when people go on and on and onnnn about food. And how I pull a long face silently in my seat, yet they still brawl on and on and onnnn without noticing how much I wish they'd shutup about it.
.
I think, I'm going to invest in a treadmill in Melbourne later on.
Either that, or a genie which can pack a Olympic size pool for me in a compact case. A mini gym wouldn't be bad too. But unfortunately, I doubt the later one would be that easy to purchase.
Thank God however, for jumping jacks, situps, squats and running around in circles, when the rain is being a nincompoop.
.
I love dreams, be it bad or good somehow. Gives me a little entertainment while stagnant in bed with sheets covering my face.
Last nights dream was under the genre of wacky, I must say.
Because it had to do with the triplets, a playboy mansion, the fishpond at the back of my house, a fire staircase and a pole, and H E N appearing somehow.
Wouldn't you like to know?
.
I have a problem sitting still for too long. I get restless and my legs start to feel numb.
During the middle of exams, XinHui gets up to go to the toilet.
After a little bit, my bladder starts to send signals to my brain telling me it's time to pee. My Physics teacher who so 'loves' me till she never lets me out of her class to go to the toilet gives me a blank face and goes -No.
So I do the whole Psychological thing and mumble out in a long sentence -"It's pretty unfair that you let XinHui go before me and now you don't let me go."
Then she pulls and even longer face, stones a bit without a suitable reply and reluctantly hands me her pass.
Hmph (: Then on the way out I smile at XinHui and roll my eyes.
.
There are construction workers working on my roof, they woke me up two times consecutively with their huge machinery making me thing the house was going to crumble.
Romeo, is being psycho and barking all over the house at 'em.
So much so that he growls and Sandra has to pick him up to contain all his raging hormones.
Pretty funny, I know he's capable off hiding their socks. Cause he does it all the time to mine.
.
And just a thought, seeing that my Moral teacher who's Muslim, covers her head -we'd all never know if she were actually bald or had a huge afro underneath her silk cloth.
Hmm (:
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'Taa loves.

Immens-iation.

It takes minimum effort to flip to a channel. Literally speaking, no flipping whatsoever has to be done, just a little pressure applied on to a small rubber button is what it takes to change the screen to a whole scene of different scenerys, people and scenarios. Although no initial intentions to watch that certain channel had been made, it took just a mere image, a quick glance, a familiar glimpse -for me to continue watching it for just a while more, before I decide to switch to the next. The little while more, carried on for a bit too long.
It could have been plain curiosity, but then again -the familiarity of the scenario; collarbones, cheekbones, disgust and a white porcelain seat with a hole in the middle might also have played a huge part in that channel, captivating my senses to freeze there for a little while more.
'I know when to stop. I know when I can't handle it anymore.' Stopping might be possible. But like a camera, the eye works wondrously in capturing images then storing them straight into memory. Deleting an image, is possible no doubt. But it takes a few maneuvering fingers, a few button clicks which can be also summarized as -effort, to delete. And this, takes time.
Being in the moment makes it a little hard to do. Because somehow -the thrill, curiosity and captivation of images is bewildering to the mind making it want to see, hear and think about a certain thing that captures ones interest -more.
The precariousity, later effects and pros and cons of doing something gets harder to analyze when caught in the moment. Be it bad, good, worthit or fruitless -moving on in the moment seems to go with the flow, alot more than stopping to think about the consequences later.
'A little more dancing fingers on the keyboard and then the click of the word, 'search'. A little more video watching. Then, you'll stop -you know how much you can and should take.'
Along with that, comes a little more reminiscing, ruminating. A little more familiarity, fear. And all this immense amount of un/necessary (I'm not sure which right now) worry comes right after and lingers around for a long while, even after watching just a few, short videos.
*She's this life sized mannequin, all painted pretty and stretched out tall. But she points out her certain features which she sees as flaws. Features where others see and find to be, fetish.
Rough complexion, Double chin, and Troubled lips are seen on her Barbie like face.
Bewildering, but so understandable, relatively rational.
Picking another cereal bar box, she looks and compares the nutritional values of two different flavours. There's tuna light in her grocery cart and a bunch of other health food. She's wearing shorts, I look at her legs and think -you're already dang pretty, toned and slim. A little while after, she picks the lower calorie cereal bars flavour. I know, because I've memorized 'em.
And just like that, with unexpected situations aiming directly at the sensitive button;
It starts to feel like my mirror is from the house of mirrors at the circus -the types that expand you.
One meal, feels like one more too much.
My legs touch, they're heavy and sink into the floor.
I can jump, but when I do the ground vibrates and causes echoes.
My stomach, looks like it's seven months preggers.
Disappointed, Resent and Contemplation start to seep in.
Too, tight. That's gross.
And all because what seemed like just a little, might actually have been a bit too much, at not a right time.

seedLEEng.

They say opposites attract. And similarity, causes the occurrence of repelling.
Making full use of Chemistry, it's like how two negative/positive terminals of magnets push away, and two opposite ends stick and get along with each other so well.
It's pretty baffling, thinking of the logic of it all and how it comes about. If two things are the same, have similar thoughts and want similar things- the chances of miscommunication, tension and annoyance is so high. If just thought about in a blink though, it seems like that should be the total opposite.
At the same time, when two different opinions, views and standards come about, the chances of an arrival of a new term which is tolerable to both sides, somehow just appears without a logical explanation.
Everything I hold firm to and believe in, is hard to let go. Because it makes sense, seems logical and is just me. But then the seed never falls far from the tree, as different as two different clouds may look, size or shape- they both originate from water droplets. And how much more different can water droplets get.
Having so much in common is nice. Thinking the same thoughts, having the same views and feeling the same feelings is comforting, because then not much needs to be said, not too different thoughts need to be voiced out and there doesn't need to be more than one explanation. Just one will do, because that other someone, just should get it now.
The Chinese used to bind the feet of girls' together since young, so the shape and contour of the feet just become tiny, stunted and shaped to be, the shape of the bind. An exact replica, so to say.
After a few years, the bones start to not grow naturally anymore, with the binds surrounding it. It doesn't grow longer or bigger. It remains curled in the white bandage, sitting in the same position because of the hindrance it faces from the white cloth tightly wrapped around it.
After a few years of being moulded, you could remove the cloth. You could free the foot from its bondages and leave it to grow in it's own way. But inevitably, it won't ever look like a normal foot again. Sure, bandages break, bondages are released. But it's shape, size, contour, construction would have been quite permanently created.
You could say, it would grow normally from now on then. Take it's own shape, find its own stability and learn to take its own steps. But it would be complete distortion, if you said it could or would be starting a new.
Because what it carries on from, will be what it builds on later. It would follow the curves, bends and formation of its binds' mould. Sure, walking would be possible after, even with its tiny sole and fragile structure. But only with tiny, excruciating steps, or by having to depend on a cane -is it possible.
You can't possibly reprimand a Victorian lady for wearing a corset and shaping her waist to be of a certain figure. Not at all, because what right do you have to tell her what she is to do with her body, tell her what you think she should be aiming for in context of her own body shape.
The idea of beauty she holds, might only be able to be seen in her eyes, and that might be all it takes for her to be satisfied. What seems bizarre to someone else, might not seem worth even just a flinch to her.
At the same time, if she totally detests high multicoloured socks (for instance), telling off someone she sees parading in them on their feet, would be despicable on her side. Because that certain spectrum of colour might be good enough to keep that certain seafood-er, happy.
So like bonded feet, corsets or even multicoloured socks, antagonising someones belief or views isn't exactly the best thing to do, (unless of course it involves sticky glue and hair, that sort of thing.)
It's easy to push it into the corner of the brain labeled 'unacceptable', 'berserk', or plain 'ppft', if a flaw or opposition arises from an individual because- 'I don't see the logic.'
But when you have thoughts in your head you completely detest yet hold on so strongly too, then hear them being voiced out in such strong belief by someone else it becomes -scary.
Because then it comes back to the whole issue of similarity, repelling. There's the immense relief having someone think the same thoughts, have the same worries and fear the same things as you, because that means they understand. But when you stop and think, then realise those are the original worries, that got yourself worrying, it gets balled up in a whole big cluster of confusion, anger, resent and mixup mystification.
Noone knows if the Victorian ladies' waists would have originally wanted to be a little bigger than size zero (whichonmysideIwoulddefinatelynotunderstand). Noone knows if the bonded feet originally intended to be a size eleven and play in the NBA. Because bones don't talk, feet don't either, and being at such a young age makes knowing what you want- a little upstream. So then, you just shape yourself to fit into a corset, contour your toes to fill the bandages, and think and believe what's given and provided right from the beginning.
Like I said, corsets are bewilderingly beautifully, tiny feet are excruciatingly exquisite. And someones thoughts might be thrilling to them. I believe if there isn't any wrong or danger in having an opinion, nothing should get in the way or change it.
But like I said, it's the whole not knowing -whether clouds being pink would still be funny if everyone saw them as pink, right from the beginning. Not knowing if walking on all fours would be still weird, if everyone grew up doing that from the start.
And it's scary, because I see myself so much in you. Certain things I know we both share and feel so strongly in, yet know can sometimes get a little out of hand because of the similar personality traits. And I don't know, if I detest seeing that part of personality in myself, or unlike you, just don't/won't know how to handle it.
But I know, I do Love You.

I want a tummy reconstruction.

I like flat tummys. Wait, I love- flat tummys.
The whole flat, toned, abb structure is very appealing to me.
So that day, I found very, very pretty picture of Gisele.
Needless to say, her tummy was- flawless.
Needless to say- that is just unfair.
So somehow, 'tummy' got related to 'navel piercing'. As mentioned before, it's number 85 on my list of things to do before I die. It's kind of like a Jack in the box. After a while, it gets shoved to the back of my head but then after a bit, it pops back up and the contemplation starts again.
I decided to YouTube it, to find out how it's done and see if I could actually go through it. Seeing I'm the type who was jittery just to get my second ear hole, and I found this-

I watched a few other clips and truth be told, I was 'Eew'-ing, 'OhMyGawsh'-ing and the numerous 'I might freak and Mr. Piercer might stab his needle right through my abdomen' thoughts went through my head. But I was a callous, heartless and slightly sadistic- so I lingered on a watched a few more videos.
After a while, I began to feel the numbness creeping in, and my thoughts went to, 'This might not be soo bad.'
The next day, I throw my awesome idea at Daddy, who in turn scrunches up his face, and says no. Without having to think, NO.
There's this little angsty thing all humans have and my side emerged. "ButWhy?", "WhatDoYouHaveAgainstIt?", and the one which probably scared him the most, "IGuessIfIDoGetOne, YouWouldn'tActuallyUhh,-Know? (:" And as if that wasn't enough to throw at a Daddy, I even showed him the video on YouTube *Points above* which he didn't find very amusing. Big Surprise.
I've asked two more people so far, and I got a;
"Well why do you need it?" when I asked, "What do you have against it?" from Ian, which I couldn't say that much too. Dang all these questions about questions, so psychological.
And a "It might look nice now, but it's going to hurt when you get preggers." from the Slore.
It seems like it's three against measly one right now, and if looked at justlikethat it doesn't look like I'm doing a very good job in the whole convincing thing.
There's the issue of disapproval, disgust, disgrace which booms very loudly.
But then with that, comes the fact that the 'It doesn't look good/ You don't need it' reason does not satisfy me at all. Because somehow, the multicoloured knee socks somehow appeal to the seafood-ers, but not to me. At the same time I don't go giving them ankle socks to paint a different picture for my eyes.
And no, noone really needs more than one pair of shoes do they. But having more than one, makes life just that much more fun.
On the cons side, the thing about having a navel piercing is that you have to have a pretty tummy to put it on. Which lead, to this-
Sarah: But if I do get one, I don't like the tummy I'm going to have to wear it on at all. It's -fat, and it'll probably just grow fatter.
Daddy: Noo it wo(...) *Pauses to think, because he has too* Actually, if you pierce it, you never know.
Sarah: Huhh. Yeahh .____0?
Sigh, on the spot coverups to get a daughter away from the navel piercing needle. Despite the truth they bring (:
Please do not catogorize me as psycho, -Toodleloo.

Older.

The speakers not over, I'm on coffee duty, the cakes have been cut, the coffee has to wait till it's being poured, and there's noone around other than the aunties in the kitchen, who I doubt will be very good conversation makers seeing they're discussing- stuff. Stuff a sixteen year old probably won't take interest in.
Then, Richard comes down with a new hair cut. Mohawk-ish and with two shave lines at the side.
Sarah: Hey Richard, nice hair (:
Richard: Yeah thanks. I wanted to put another line on the other side, know- twenty one?
Sarah: Yeah pretty cool la, you should've.
(The conversation goes on, like any other normal conversation would. Somehow, we get back to the hair topic and how he wants to do a twenty one; two lines on one side, one on the other.
It hits me, he's twenty one this year, and his birthday is in October.)
Sarah: Uhh, Richard when's your birthday again?
Richard: Hmm (: Today.
So in my white flats, I pause for a second, my mouth drops open and I knock myself on the forehead.
After having had talked to him for about -five to ten whole minutes? I didn't even wish him Happy Birthday.
Sarah: Oh, My, Gawsh. SorrySorrySorrySorrySorryy ):
So here, I'm as mentioned above -very sorry for the ignorance.
God bless, have a great twenty first- and I'll try to get you a cookie (:
Happy Birthday- guy in the white shirt on the left.And because October is a birthday month, for those whose birthdays have passed, and those whose birthdays are yet to come, Happy Birthday (:
Rachel- Thank you for understanding the things without me having to say them. The glares which are enough to say whole paragraphs, depicting what we're both thinking.
Zoe, Joanne & Lauren (who's birthdays were in September) KevinLoo; Kloo, for the endless- Sleeee's and the very professionally taken seafood shots, JasonVoon-for bearing our endless standard six torments a few years back- wow, we're sixteen already, and Anderson -for random texts, understanding and hilarious stories to learn from. Yes, we still get intimidated by you, you haven't lost your gifting ;) Thank you for the very special part each one of you play in my life. Big, Small, either way it's significant.
God Bless, Sarah loves you (:
I'm sorry if I have anyone missed out, not intentional using Richards story as reference.
Cookies as subsidies, let me know.
'Taa.
.
(...)
*Knocks head*, again.
And to Benny -for being there when I need help worship leading and for everything you do.
To the guy in the white shirt, on the right now- Happy Birthday (:Diverting, I find a little bit of history goes into my brain when I walk around in circles and say the notes out loud to myself. A little freaky but, it works (:
And the text message of the week, that sent me into fits of laughter while I was all alone downstairs at twelve plus am in the morning- 'It's guys' theory, that hot girls don't fart.' It didn't help the laughing fits when I took a cup out of the metal basket thing, and found two more cups stuck inside.
But yes, everybody farts. I think hot girls included (Eugene you should know this since you're in FHM)
And I did, get to gulp down my H20 after removing the two cups stuck inside, my pink plastic one.
Now, toodleloo. Back to studying and walking around in circles.

Bangssss (:
, and the tan line. Narcissism, is grotesque.

Ribb-it.

I advice you to;
1) Have finished eating, after quite some time
2) Cancel any plans to eat in the next couple of hours
3) Get a barf bucket
4) Skip this post
-any of the above. Because this may contain some graphic images that might cause trauma, disturbance or just plain "Eew"'s, after being read.
Have fun (: Don't get too turned off, but just to say beforehand -I don't like frogs too.
.
We dissected a frog for Biology, and having heard how freak accidents have happened before- The frog wakes up after the chloroform dies out, body parts fly all over the place, a frog lands on a student causing deafening screams sorta thing, I wasn't all for it. The whole dissecting a frog thing.
No doubt, I thought it'd be pretty cool, knocking a frog out and seeing it's body parts, only to have it wake up after awhile and find itself cut open with many pairs of eyes looking at it, screaming, "Get more chloroformm! It woke upp! ):"
I am very happy, I am not a frog. Sure, not all frogs get dissected by sadistic students, but the chances of getting caught and then awaiting death in a plastic case, if I wereto be a frog- are there.
*
Did a little frog observation when school started and actually anticipated going to the Bio lab, for once.
Pretty funny, how even touching the plastic case could release screams of, 'OhMyGawshh'.
Why, hello Rachel. By far, the most retarded shot of the day- sense the excitement? (:First off, getting a hold of the frog.
Jack named it Prince. Big surprise. Secondly, knocking it out with chloroform.
Prince wiggles, Jack lets out a "Stop moving, you know how disgusting you are."Prince knocks out and Jack says a prayer for it.
Jack pretends to kiss it. He doesn't, so it remains a frog.Jack and HanWei come up to me. They don't say anything at first, then they get this evil smirk on their faces and go- "Hey Sarah, wanna uhh. Try out the chloroform before we do it on the frog? (:"
Truth be told, I really would have not minded much. But I didn't know how long the effect would last, so I decided to pass.Prince got knocked out with chloroform, instead.A little bit of hesitation,
nerves,
and the dissecting begins (: Voila ): (EEW -I am squirming in my chair very literally now)
But then again, if we cut youu, open? That's probably what we would see. Minus the green disgusting spots and mutated hands and feet.She, out of all of us- had alot of fun (:Yeah PauLing? (:
"Check if it's a girl or boy, laaaa." Note- The cool latex gloves which made you look like you were actually doing something.
Which also then leave your hands, and the glove sweaty.
Poor person who used it next ): *CoughHanWeiCough*MeiYi- 'The best way to stay away from danger is to not even go near the boundary. So, stay awayy from the boundary!'
The ones who were content with just fiddling around with the cameras and keeping a good distance away from the frog.
Rachel, MeiYi,and me (: Goodbye, Prince (:My addmaths teacher has this thing where stepping into class six minutes and fifty nine seconds late, is perfectly okay. Once you reach the seventh minute though, you're considered late and have to stand up at the back of class.
So as proof, we had to clean up after. See? (:And now, the after party (:
Ms. SloreTanYiLin.
Sixteen years, still counting. Ms RachelHo.

Presenting (:
The cheerleader,the seafood, the scary,PauLing (: MeiYi.
The much loved S. A. W.and we found a snaaail! Which XinHui so conveniently named, Gary ;)The just, the rest (:
The never ending fued for the posession of HanWei (:
Rachel/MeiYi- "OhMyGawshh. Why you talking to HanWei? Huhh?":):/:(Soo, adorable.The girls (: .
I have a weird feeling, any dreams I have tonight might have to do with frogs.
Just a feeling seeing last night, I went to bed feeling uneasy and I had a downright freaky dream which had to do with a white dress, chili sauce, being mocked worldwide on YouTube and an entire wedding crowd being very mad at me.
I was eleven, when we celebrated my twelfth birthday. Following tradition, we went to this Chinese restaurant, Daddy ordered a few dishes. He asked me to pick one I liked, I did and the rest that came were- new. There was this one dish, which he said was, 'baby chicken'. I took his word for it, found it pretty good and forgot about it after dinner was over.
Till we went to Chilli's later on during the week. I ordered a chicken salad, and suddenly Daddy goes- "Sarah, I have something to tell you."
I pause and somehow didn't take it in that much, thinking it couldn't be anything major, could it? But then, he goes- "Know the, 'baby chicken' I told you about on your birthday? (..) It was actually. Frog.
My chicken salad comes, and I start to tear, heavy raindrop tears. The waiter in his black and white stripped shirt looks at me as if I've suddenly grown another pair of ears on my forehead as I look at this, 'chicken' salad in front of me.
Tadaa, the hatred level I have towards frogs since then has zoomed, skyhigh.
So, here's to frogs. May all their slimyness along with them, get wash down the drain never to resurface again- so they don't bother me in my sleep tonight.
'Taa love (:

Live.

Analyzing, Pondering, Wondering, Thinking.
Is plain, tiring at times. Borderlines on cumbersome, in fact.
It's so much easier to just float around without feeling the need to work those brain cells. But in doing that, you just remain, stagnant. You don't grow- you remain in the current and that eventually leads to things being, dull.
.
I've broken my own record and skipped three days of school in a week, to study.
Pretty ironic, the whole staying at home, because you don't study in school thing.
Somewhat like swimming, but smoking. Feeling absolutely dehydrated and needing to pee at the same time. And my all time favourite- 'It's a Love-Hate thing'.
Sad to say, I have not covered that much and I can't exactly pinpoint, why. So in five days, I am sitting for my History test, being Malaysian- it covers the whole Islam region with the funky names in the package. And the only name I can remember now, is Nabi Muhammad s.a.w, with a little help from ms. TanYiLin.
OhGawsh Slore, Nabi Muhammad was a S. A. W too ): That degrades us so much.
But he's a sallahu allahi wassalam. And we're slut, adulteress, whore. That's why we are way above his level.
And that, is why she makes the high pitch 'EEHKK's which are deafening me slowly, everyday that much more, -bearable (:
.
We're in Physics tuition, and the need to apply a random law; Charles' Law to solve a equation pops out unexpectedly as usual. Being confused, frustration eventually seeps in. So I quote MeiYi-
"This Charles guy whoever he is, should have spent more time sitting at home watching desperate housewives. Then we wouldn't have to know so much stuff."
I couldn't agree more.
.
Mummy made her eversoawesome trifle. I deem it awesome, not only because it tastes good, but because I know she uses proper ingredients, which increases the whole putting it in my mouth security level, that much more.
So somehow, through endless clicking, pretty pointlessly I must say, I came across this blog which had pretty photography of food and their recipes along.
Then it hit me, that if I ever attempted to make one of those gorgeous looking items, I would fail miserably. Because honestly, every desert item has to contain butter in it.
And that is why, I'm pretty thankful that when they sell things like that outside, they don't put a huge signboard showing the ingredients used to make 'em.
Somethings are better off not knowing, you know? :/
.
Philippians 4: 8
".. whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praise worthy- think about such things."
.
I watched Knocked Up, and they had this scene where Katherine Heigl was giving birth. Pretty much in detail if you ask me.
But then after, I got thing, 'thing'. And I felt the whole, 'I think giving birth'd be such a beautiful thing. And I want to do it too (:' vibe.
.
I stink of chlorine, like I do so often. And I am attempting to continue my- early for Youth regime after having succeeded two weeks in a row (: Not to be negative or anything, but I might not live up to that, today. Just a vibe, we never know.
'Taa loves, have an awesome weekend.
Change of header, and picture of the frog, coming up soon. I hope.
And youu, because my phone just beeped- Yes I do, like the smell of men deodorant (:

Bonjour.

Why, hello (:
It's been a while since there's been proper updates I feel.
The past week's been a holiday week and I have thought strewing out from everywhere, now. How convenient.
.
Mummy gave me a slight fit about how I have burnt arms now and that I might develop pigmentation when I grow up.
Slore, told me that overexposure to the sun would result in wrinkly saggy skin -"You know those old foreign ladies? Yeah, you might look like that."
Ironically, I think I look the same colourwise. The two toned back, and panda eyes remain.
Obvious but, unchanged- hmm.
.

Daddy: Hey girl, that man is putting pepper into his coffee.
(With my sandwich incompletely chewed)
Sarah: What th-ee?
(I turn around)
Daddy: He's also drinking it with a spoon, continuosly. Quite odd eh? Never seen someone drinking coffee like that :/
Sarah: -____- It's mushroom soup, Daddy.
.
Walking in, there are mirrors everywhere. So the first thing you see when you step into the room, is your own reflection.
Turning to your right, the cupboards are outlined with glass, containing silver platings behind. Hence, you look and see your body, from head to toe seeing it's not only a mirror. It's a full body one too.
Audrey Hepburn wears Little Black dresses. Audrey Hepburn is petite. Audrey Hepburn is, beautiful.
She goes for black, classy, elegant and sleek. Sure, she does do bright colours occasionally too. The difference between Audrey Hepburn and me, is- she doesn't look like a big sized pinata in colours, and she doesn't have to worry about whether the heels she has her little feet in, are going to break, because they might not be able to support her frame.
She is bold, bright, and beautiful.
.
I like white, in all its simplicity.
The adrenaline of not getting it dirty, the contentment of having it look so clean.
The no frills and fuss of having zilch design or pattern on it is so- satisfying.
So having a white dress on, somehow comes with the 'I don't want to take it off, because then all the mix of colour from everywhere, has to come back in', feeling.
.
Goggles are quite a turn off. So are Speedos.
Holding your breath while looking around beneath the surface is just, foul.
That, was just -EEW.
I'd have wished much stronger that you would get water down the wrong breathing path for a slight moment so you would stall for a split second.
I'd have hoped that you would accidentally swim into the path of a bunch of little kids and one of them (preferably a strong one) would lift his/her leg up and it would slip, accidentally meeting you in between. Between what, is for you to think, people do have different opinions.
But then I stopped and remembered how I accidentally burnt my tongue with toothpaste this morning. I tried, although reluctantly to take back the wishes and focused on giving the benefit of the doubt, and just imagining that in the space you were occupying, was just water and plain blue tiles. Nothing more. And how this Sunday- we learnt that anger, is totally acceptable. But sinning, isn't.
Which is exactly why;
I am a maniac- and I pour out shouts, screams, vulgarity and destroy things when I am ticked because it's a violent way of release.
I am a mute- keeping things bubbling inside sometimes is comforting because like a hot shower, it somehow cools things down in the most awkward of ways. Making someone have to think, not knowing exactly what is going on, silent torture some may say- is pretty sadistically, satisfying.
I am a martyr- I cry, I bleed, and I hurt when I am insecure. And that comes out as being a sad case, a sadist, a kill joy, and being plain -angry.
.
Urgh, Red.
Sideways, Front and Back. All so, full.
I make a cringe-y face, grunt a little and then realise, your presence beside me a mere arms length away.
I want to hug you, because I remember your purple cat shirt and 'I am a little monster' bib. Now, you are clad in classy black, carrying a funky bag.
I want to cry and tell you I'm sorry, because I don't like this feeling that creeps up all the time, this comparison, resent and inferiority. Which hinders alot of things I know I haven't yet experienced.
But then I look to my right and there's that mirror, again. That mirror that's reflecting two reflections of nearly the same hair length, height and look.
I remember how I just detested, grunted and saw the overfilling in Red.
Then leaving you waiting, I walked out.
.
I hate, talks about insecurity.
How getting rid of insecurity, seems to be able to bring so much security. Because I feel, the complete opposite.
'It's like, Asia in the world if you put it into comparison. So much a part already.'
And my opinion, is that removing something already so embedded inside, requires that empty space to have to be filled with something else. Something unfamiliar, scary, new.
.
Falling, hurts.
Bruises tear the skin deep, cuts expose the unnecessary and blood is just plain, terrifying.
Making the first step to move a little always comes with fear. Whether more blood will gush out, another muscle will get dislocated- more pain will be felt.
But it's pretty idiotic, if you think about it, to remain there forever- Stagnant and immobile. It's almost like you choose to become non-existent, because you're afraid to feel the pain in the process of picking yourself up.
The momentarily pain makes it all worthwhile sometimes.
But when put into the bigger picture, it kind of -gets you thinking.
.
I was counting months to myself in my head that day.
".. October, November (OhMyGawsh) December."
And then came the faint familiar voice from just yesterday, "So Sarah, Melbourne?"
.
-I bought funky red nail polish. I have yet to paint my toenails.
-I have smelt DKNY, Delicious. Now, I just need to get it.
-I like glossy pictures, so I got a stack printed out that day. Now I just need to stick 'em up on my wall and I'll be looking at your, gorgeous face (:
-I have been procrastinating, as much as you say the word 'I' in a day. Which evidently is not very good.
-I got back from the pool about forty-five minutes ago. And I still have chlorine in my hair.
Coming up, literally- (:
'Taa love.
.
(A little later on)
To- 'The couple who I saw snogging on the bench and then stopped abruptly because they saw me looking', I'm sorry to have disrupted your intimate lip locking session. Also, my apologies for having laughed and then looked away while covering my mouth to cover up. But I did find it pretty funny how the missus wiped her mouth, and the mister stood up and fixed his pants so suddenly, when you saw me looking.
Honestly though, I did not look on purpose, nor was I spying. The bench you two were making out on, was just not that strategic.
.
It's pure females in the house right now, other than Romeo who gets so sissy sometimes, you could mix him up with Juliet.
Daddy's sitting on the plane soon, he's going to get the nicer air-stewardesses who don't spill apple juice on you then walk away, without saying sorry, seeing he's flying solo.
Interestingly enough, the home which is going to be inhabited by only ladies for the next few day, lacking the testosterone species is kind of going to be like being in a girls school all over again.
Different.
As weird and off as this may come out sounding, males are actually- pretty interesting beings to be with. The whole difference aspect of the way they think and do stuff, hmm.
SandraLee: Hey che, I miss Ko.
Sarah: Mm, yeah. Me too.
Bye, again (:

Hey Ho, Let's Go (:

CarrieChoo: Sarah Lee (:
SarahLee: Carrie Choo (:
Talk about the best way to start a conversation, by repeating each others names from the yellow name tag, on the blue pinafore.
From- "Hey, Bimbo (:", to imitating her cheerleading routines in the deep husky voice we could never attempt to do, to camwhoring in random places in random poses, to 2006; the tough rough patch which took us far apart but eventually led us back together, to pompoms. The fact MissCarrieChoo, is that it's been four years since our first very 'meaningful' conversation as stated above, and up till right now I still love you to ity-bity-pieces.
Because though it's been quite a while since we've actually had a meaningful conversation? I know you're still Care-Bear-Carrie, who's awesome in every single aspect of the way she is.
I hope you had an awesome night, you looked stunning, even on your personalised cheerleader cake. Catching up, very soon. I miss you (:
Happy Birthday, Love.
CarrieChooLiYen.
Sarah, Carrie, Tsen-standing up.With, Sh-Iva-Nick, YewWing, Carrie.

The name Sara(h) is too commonly used, and to prove my point I found another addition to- 'People I know with the same name as me.'Shivani and the Sara(h)'s.
SandraTan (:
While girls take pictures, boys just eat bread and raisin pudding.
"Hey, it's good pudding okay."
"Uhh, yeah (:"
With LiLing and Shalina.
'I don't get why sometimes call me Shalini. It's Shalinaa.'

Ivan.
Ivan: You know what I realised? Pigeon's don't have ears (:
Sarah: .____O? Uhh, okay.

ZaZaZoom.Nickkk, but Ivan's finger got in the way.
(Points to right end of the screen. Whaat la.)
Nickkk (:
Tsen-and her PsychoKinky idea (:
Ms. YeohPei-Gorgeous-Tsen.On the lighted white fluorescent runway.
(Surprisingly, it didn't freaking CRACK when I stood on it.
Talk about contaminating Gisele's sacred place.)
And the two who ensured I didn't get into the wrong car to be abducted and brought back to a faraway kampung, seeing the next day was HariRaya (:
Nick and Ivan.
.
I opened my cupboard, and I felt something fall onto my hand.
I looked down and found a lizard, the size of a big Stabilo eraser on my skin.
Then, I screamed, a bloodcurling scream because I shook my hand up and down so vigorously, yet the grotesque creature plugged its little suction hands on my skin a few milliseconds before it actually came off.
After, I spent a good half and hour, breaking the magic moping stink into two pieces, banging my cupboard doors and silently swearing and screaming once every so often, in attempt to get the nasty thing out, of my room.
I am traumatized. Oh the drama.
.
Paint her pretty walls. Put a smile on her face.
Utter more words to him in one phonecall, then you probably do to me in a day.
It's either I'm so used to being distant already, or I've accepted the fact that I'm closer to disgrace, then the two of them will ever be.
Pathetic, Sarah. Pathetic.
.
'Taa love.