Ridiculous.

"Now you know why people don't really like you."
Yeah I knew that all along so putting it out in words was really unnecessary.
Your intentions to cut something very deep succeeded. Congratulations on your marvelous effort.
It's because I'm the middle child and you're the youngest. It's because I, quote- '..think the whole world evolves around me'.
So there, I'll learn to bear it then. Might get a stick, draw a face on it and call it my friend.
We all, love you now don't we miss perfect?
We do, but linking now to two years ago is just very, unfair. It's something I don't need to hear, nor don't exactly want to at times. Bringing it up, throws me two steps backwards and I hope you know it's harder to climb back up than to step back down.
Onemoreyearonemoreyearonemoreyear, to Melbourne. I cannot, freaking wait.
'Love is Patient, Love is Kind.'
It is, and I Love You.

-a, merry little Christmas.

Christmas was good. A very late night, presents, friends, family, my hazelnut hot chocolate from Starbucks with lowfat milk, H20, mummy's trifle, roaming the golf course and cards- getting beat by speed by someone in particular (:

I didn't take any dinner wrecking risks by keeping a good distance away from the turkey and everything else edible, so I wasted my camera battery away because I didn't want to charge it when it wasn't fully, empty. Somehow I like doing things either all out, or I'd rather not do it at all. This perfectionism thing can get so, stupid :/
Oh and do meet my peacock. Her name, is Grace and she lives on my white washed wall (:Dang the multiple shots function. Classic psycho.
It's 3:10 am and camp starts at 7:30 am.
Exactly- 4 hours and 10 minutes from now.
I should be in bed, but *surprisesurprise*I haven't packed yet. Major bummer.
I have a ton of pictures to update and weird facts for Zoe's tag which are coming as soon as I get back, hopefully. Oh wow 2009 will be even closer then, it's unbelievably scary.
Have an awesome weekend loves.

Ooh, Christmas.

Sandra, JoelLee and me used to stack up our presents in separate stacks under the Christmas tree come Christmas day.
We'd light up the tree and beg the parents to let us open- just one present instead of waiting till Christmas dinner was over- the present usually being the one we'd look forward to because we kind of suspected what it was, seeing how the bundle was wrapped up.
There was once, they couldn't wrap up my scooter. So they gave it to me, I set it up and started riding it around the marbled floor without having any wrapping paper torn apart.
This year, the fireworks started flashing. I could hear them but they were to far away to be seen.
Mummy and Daddy were wrapping presents for church members to be given later on, JoelLee was on the phone talking to his girl and Sandra well I'm not too sure. I was downstairs making last minute cards I had procrastinated and not yet finished, big surprise.
At 12am, 25th December, we gathered upstairs unplanned and hugs and Merry Christmas's were strewn around.
What was different was that this time, there was absolutely no hype about wanting to open present. Bundles got exchanged and cards got given out among the five of us but I couldn't exactly sense the excitement like I used to anticipate years ago.
Tired, one by one starting with the siblings the Lee's started knocking out. Before, Daddy prayed a Christmas prayer before they headed to bed. Christmas, being Christmas we usually do it I guess.
"..thank you for giving us the best present of all. Jesus Christ, your son."
I guess that kind of hit me about what presents on Christmas actually symbolized.
How it was so much more than pretty wrapping paper and bundles under the Christmas tree, but about a 2000+ year old gift that's sustained so many people until today.
A tiny baby that plays such a big part in sometimes a subtle yet sure way, till today.
Pretty dang, awesome.
.
And why I have the most interesting (and slightly lame and narcissistic) brother whom I totally love and adore, ever (:
He's typing away surfing the net on his laptop, downstairs. I open my messenger and see his status as- away. Go figure :/
SarahLee. says:
Eyhh, don't lie.
SarahLee. says:
You're not away.
joel says:
im away..just didnt say where
joel says:
hah
SarahLee. says:
Awh, good comeback.
SarahLee. says:
Dangg :/
joel says:
of course! im good
SarahLee. says:
-_________________________________-
.
Blessed Christmas, love.

Pi*.

Christmas angels sing all around us,
Spread good tidings over the earth
Telling of the Child
In the manger who is born
He is the King of Kings
It's crazy how it's Christmas in four days.
Crazy how the year has passed by unnoticeable-y, extremely quick and right after Christmas it's New Years already. I'm dreading, January.
It's two am exactly on Christmas eve right now and this year the Christmas hype didn't really get to me. Sure, I'm excited about it as ever but I remember how last year I was frantically counting down the minutes till I could wish someone Merry Christmas.
Maybe, you start to lack enthusiasm for these kind of things the older you get.
The camp booklet is pretty much done. Later on today, I start my mission on completing Christmas cards for a few hours later.
I procrastinate, prioritize pretty badly and I stink.
.
I hate the fact that when I was looking for a picture of a cartoon stick girl online, among a few hundred little black and white drawings- they also gave me a picture of Nicole Ritchie a few years back.
Screw the yucky belly, I detest it. I could walk home and it would reach the front door, before my feet do.
G'night.
,
"..I think, I tend to overthink."
You give the best and most securing waist hugs, smile the dreamiest, smell the sweetest and taste the yummiest.
Surface, Dreamy, Captivated, Surreal, Beautiful, Secure, Scared, Love. So, much.
"No kidding. I do too."

IthinkIneedahug.

Twilight the first time wasn't that good. On the fuzzy screen of the MP4 player and with the bad sound system, although the scenes weren't edited, it was too blurry to be savored properly.

Twilight, the second time was awesome. But I wasn't paying much attention to the movie.
Twilight, the third time- was good. Because I paid full concentration and I guess after having got glimpses of it two times before, I got the jist of everything pretty well. Bella Swan and Edward Cullen also somehow, looked alot more clearer.
.
-I love how I saw her picture with him, as your phone display picture.
-We went out for dinner, with the extended Lee family members consisting of the aunty and grandfather.
Sandra tends to be around Daddy most of the time hand in hand.
Mummy was walking with the aunty and doing the usual woman talk.
Side by side, Joel Lee was walking with the grandfather.
And at the back, I felt like a stadium observer watching some short snippet you get off the television sometimes. Hm, pairing and odd middle children.
-I wonder, if pressing the lift button while waiting for it numerous times, actually helps in making it arrive faster.
-I love 1 Corinthians 13 about love. In church, persecution was mentioned briefly- true love, which includes the package of suffering because those who stand up for Him are put down, tortured and belittled.
It scared me and got me thinking then, how true my love for Him actually is. And how far I'm willing to go. Putting the physical aside, emotionally giving in already is tough enough.
-The caroling service went well. Singing on a stage with not much clue of the song lyrics was pretty daunting. Sweaty, Spotlights and Smiling somehow seem pretty hard to multitask.
and for the first time in a very long time- I wore dreaded jeans.
Spot me! (:

Oh hey, you're right. I look dead. Like, wooooh.
-My to do list is getting longer and not much has been canceled off. I blame Facebook for wasting my time while I tried again and again to upload my pictures, then failed miserably.

-I swear, my stomach is a freaking continent by itself.
'..Cause I'm bigger than my body gives me credit for.'
.
I somehow, very much detest this post. I find it messy and insignificant. But my fingers feel itchy, it's been ages since I've updated and my brain is, without a doubt very clogged :/ I just don't know exactly where to start in putting everything down. Till I figure out exactly where to place everything and when it all seems a little less blurry-
'Taa love.

and I don't know why-

The music list on my phone is in no particular order, or in two simple words on, shuffle mode.
John Mayer, Neon's on the playlist and he sings pretty often for some reason, not that I'm complaining. Katy Perry, I Kissed a Girl played today. I like her- cherry chapstick, red lipstick, dark hair and all.
Then after Lifehouse, You and Me played. And I realised despite, it being my ringtone for over a year now with no changes whatsoever, it being played on practically every fa* day, and if totaled up on my phone it would come out as song played most often, excluding the times it plays when you call- I am still absoposiundeniably in love with it.
I've decided I want to dance to it at my wedding. Dee-cye-ded.

Something about you, I can't quite figure out.
Everything you do is beautiful, everything you do is; right.
,and I don't know why- I can't keep my eyes off of you.

Falalalala, Lalalala.

Daddy came into my room, touched my nose and when I opened my eyes he was there smiling, which I must say was a nice wake up call.

I, being groggy closed my eyes again and then heard him say- "It's eleven thirty, Sarah." which woke me up pretty fast after.
At twelve noon, I picked up my phone and dialed in my favourite number to find out that somewhere out there, someone was still asleep, half an hour after I thought I woke up extremely late. Then I didn't feel so bad after (:

.
Youth Christmas thingamajig.

.

Caroling practice, Sunday was interesting.
Juggling committee meeting, finishing posters for the Christmas slides and going up and down the stage for singing practice might just prove I don't stink as much as multitasking as I thought I do.

And this is Daniel who's majorly adorable and has super strong Tan genes.
Credits for the pictures, go to the one and only- Eugene Phua (:
(See, Eugene you can't say I skip prayer meeting anymore (; )

.

I like the idea of pretty dresses, seeing people all dolled up and heels which require more caution when walking in them than usual- basically that whole atmosphere. So when YiLin asked me if I'd like to help out in prom I said I wouldn't mind if she didn't mind. So, on the 12th December HuiYing, YiLin and me with my three pairs of shoes because I couldn't decided which ones to wear- got into the big silver car and made our way to the Grand Millennium in KL.

The lobby was saturated with glass and pretty deco so after hanging around and absorbing the magnificence of it all for awhile, we made our way upstairs to in simple terms- start our slave work consisting of cutting paper for the nominee votes, filling paper bags with goodies and making boxes which had to do for the votes to be put inside.
After we were done, we hung around and explored the magnifique toilet and decided to change early while toying around with the mirrors :/ and after getting semi dolled up decided to head down to Pavillion and experiment with the makeup samples, just for the sake of doing so.
HuiYing, YiLin and me semi got our eyes done thanks to the clever tactic of pretending to be interested in Benefit cosmetics. YiLin even added in a, "Soooo, bringing my mum here." which made the shopgirl smile, even of we did eventually walk away empty handed.
After purchasing HuiYings chocolate iceblended and my Snapple, we headed back while following the road signs, careful not to cross when the light was red (which I was strongly against seeing it's Malaysia but got stopped by them two anyway) and made it back in time to start registration and see people walking in.
Gorgeous dresses, Diamonte heels, Flawless makeup and Sequined clutches, accompanied by Gelled up hair, Suave tuxedos, Deodarant ;) and Shiny shoes filled the foyer which I must say, made everything look even more splendid. The girls looked gorgeous, guys looked stunning and I was pretty mixed up with how the whole registration thing worked by the sidelines.
The night pretty much went like how a Prom night would, after.
Emcee-ing, dinner, shows, dancing and pictures; Slightly crude, didn't eat, pretty good, pretty tall and priceless.
Prom, SMK Taman Sea '08.
Mingle.
We chucked aside the heel part of prom and stuck to flats seeing we were required to run around (: a little which made the whole part of dressing up interesting.
Fancy meets Sneakers.
My favourite TanYiLin, Slore.
And Gorgeous HuiYing, who I found out enjoys the spinning around in circles thing when there's nothing else better to get done, as much as I do (:
Had a blast with them two.
And then, while wondering around, me and YiLin found a pretty Christmas tree
,and of course did the usual usual.
Prom King was Jerrard. Who's wearing a f(adore)a (:
.
The Loo's are back, and I am very happy.
Because Me, Rachel and Kevin are supposed to go out. But Sloo, is too good so she can't come along.
Hehh, she hass too come along ;)
.
I like car rides with the brother. They're quiet but little sentences with minimum words get- vented out and their meanings and initial intentions accomplished.
I like lunches with Daddy too. Because under the yellow litted light, the most meaningless meaningful things get strewn out.
I love my Lee men.
.
'Taa love.

Lengthyy, warning.

It's been nearly a week since we've touched down from Melbourne and I remember how last year I was all gung-hoe to upload and edit the many pictures I took. This year, despite lugging Caspian wherever I went in my brown sports tote, the number of pictures taken are less than half of last years. I tend to have blogging sprees here and there. Once in a while, there are three posts in one day and other times I'm idle for near a week plus. The inconsistent posting just self confirms, that my mood swings are very prominent. Whether high or low, I fluctuate from feeling, to plain nothing. Ott, Odd :/
It's been rainy, literally and metaphorically. Physically and Emotionally.
Past events, Present celebrations and Upcoming dates have been all stuck together in a huge mess of IDon'tKnow, GoodandBad all summed up in plain old Confusing.
Either way, the rains been stopping at reasonable times which in turn increases the vast volume of H20 which is a major plus point seeing there's more water to dip my toes into.
,
"We come, to worship an audience of one." stuck out during worship on Sunday. Because I tend to take things literally and very picturesquely, with closed eyes and the melody ringing through my ears- focusing all attention on Him and blocking everything else out rises above the beauty level it already holds.
'No pow'r of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;'
.
I think, prominent jawlines are veryvery steamy (:
.
I like one on ones. I get scared and insecure right before without anyone being of exception because I don't like too long silences. I don't like having to think if a situation is awkward and whether I should be making more conversation or continuing the previous topic whatever it was. But if all goes well the conversation residue lingers on longer than I expect it too in a good way. I analyze, compromise and ponder for the span of a car ride home.
Coffee has become something so familiar, and I tell myself I'm only sixteen. You're fifty and I drink it more often than you do in a whole week. But the familiarity, always secures and affirms. It reassures and encourages because the aroma is strong, stable and I find it is fully satisfied with enhancing the air and ensuring it's presence lets customers know for sure, that they are in a coffee shop. Even the ones who although are in the shop, don't necessarily like the smell of the coffee bean.
I love conversations when you're telling me about how things might not always go the way I want them too, but despite disappointments- dwelling just prolongs the painful swelling.
Working on something yet not achieving intended results isn't a bad thing. Because in a way, it limits the wrong choices by a number more and brings the final results of how things should actually be- that much closer.
I don't know if the principle of wine applies in coffee beans; about how- the longer you keep wine the better it tastes. But I do know, that I like the fact that the longer you take to drink your brewed coffee with steamed hot milk, means the duration of me hearing things from you that I've learnt to treasure becomes that much longer (:
.
The sister, Sandra Lee turned 12.
Happy Belated Birthday (post) sweets.
I Love You (: I'll miss the best sandwiches and fish made healthy for a month.
I'll stilllikeIalwaysdo, be making my own bed so nothing's changing there- I'll miss you (:
.
I watch you dress up in your floral printed baby doll top, black sweater and mini denim skirt. And I think about how mature and gorgeous you look.
While it hits me hard about how growing up is faster now than it used to be back then, I shudder when I realize how 'influence' has boarded the same train and is seeping into peoples personal cabins so immensely nowadays.
At that moments, I want to hug you, blindfold you and place earmuffs on your ears. There's this wanting to block and protect you from everything out there which so subtly influences, yet concretely knocks down- all because it comes down to how worried, terrified and scared I am for you sometimes.
.
As obvious as it is, I like the fact that swimming under the blazing sun with the heat on my face- and swimming at night with the pool lights and drizzle of rain, are completely different. Raindrops without a doubt are too many to count. Although it's phrased, 'many' and not 'much' raindrops because many means it's possible to count, not even a million fingers would be able to put the exact number of falling raindrops onto paper.
They seem alot less, when you look at them falling and splashing onto the surface of water. But when you're immersed underneath the vast spread of H20, the pitter patter heard of the raindrops, becomes soo infinite. Counting them seems, surely impossible.
.
Church seemed a little more packed than usual after being gone for two weeks. Which is a good thing, nevertheless but then again I could have been suffering from lack of sleep or mere hallucinations so I can't be too sure.
Which got me to thinking, about how if the numbers in church already seemed alot, than if I compared myself to the number of people in the world, I would be a mere (or less than) speck of dust.
That is of course, when I'm using my picture senses to compare the size of one person on the face of the earth, pretty interesting (:
.
The bigger picture, later somehow doesn't always seem to be that bad. Maybe it's because living in the present is such a definite and tangible thing that later self associates with never.
I never really like how I start to swirl on paper, I don't like the patterns that come out or the lines drawn. Because when I fix a glance at that particular area of paper, the mess of the swirls, inaccurate distance and crooked lines stand out a whole lot more.
But after I continue swirling and drawing more line which don't ever really seem to make sense in the direction they're heading- the huge mass of black ink on the paper that now occupies a bigger are, which still contains the crooked lines and inaccurate swirls somehow minimize the protruding mess and flaws of the smaller area I previously drew.
And somehow, that bigger mess, doesn't look as bad as the smaller one as ironic as that sounds.
.
-I notice I use more conditioner as compared to shampoo when I shower, so I buy two bottles of conditioner and one bottle of shampoo. Which both finish being used at the same time (:
-I had a very strong sudden urge, to get a pet rabbit. As a pet, not stew mind you.
-I also, get mini adrenaline rushes when I find empty parking spots.
Sarah: OMGG, Daddy there there I found one! :D
Daddy: That's for the disabled people girl.
-____- Cutter.
-Another reason why I absolutely miss Melbourne, is because Malaysian carparks are horribly stuffy ):
.
Twilight, was better in printed script under the black glossy book cover.
Edward Cullen was portrayed alot steamier, mysterious and delicious. Plus, his brown eyes seemed more eye catching in the book as compared to in the cinema.
But the movie was nonetheless, awesome. Watched it with Ian, who thinks there aren't enough fighting scenes and wanted to see the were-wolves devour the vampires. Or the other way around I'm not too sure. *sigh* Guys and gore (:
.
I was walking up the escalator and this bunch of kids were singing Christmas songs in front of me. When suddenly, they started singing Joy to the world, with the exception of the lyrics being completely different.
"Joy to the world! (someone) is dead.
They barb-equed, his head!
They knocked him of the trolley, and barb-equed his bo-dy.."

Then they continued with something I couldn't catch. I've learnt pretty well from YiLin, so my stalking skills emerged and I got them on camera (;
.
A little here and there from my phone.
The gorgeous beach I absolutely love.The star (:, I managed to spot and capture on the 2 megapixel phone.Running in the pretty Melbourne parks.My name spelt without a 'h' (:
Gisele, in captivating red (:
Stunning calves, rock hard stomach abbs, toned arms. Freakingawshh.Guess who, watched Enchanted (; .
Mummy thinks I'm suffering from caffeine overdose- headaches, stomach cramps and back pains (I sound like a grandma) and therefore I am supposed to abstain from caffeine, namely coffee O_O for a while. I'm pretty excited to see how that goes.
This, was long.
The Loo's are coming back tomorrow, and I am very excited- Sloo and Kloo (:
Into December, nearing January. Major I'mnotlookingforwardtoit, DANG ): I cannot wait, for Melbourne.
'Taa lovely.

Crack.

I feel like a balloon which is constantly being blown up and soon, I am going to burst because of too much input air, and too little output air seeping out through the tiny spaces in my balloon walls.
I feel my shirt's going to stretch and then tear like the incredible hulk but instead of going green, I'd suffocate everyone by occupying too much space on Earth and needing to suck in more oxygen than normal people to compensate for my humongous lungs which require double amounts of air in order to respire.
My stomach feels like a million floppy doughnuts are around it, my neck like it's squished in a ring of jelly and my legs feel like they're heavier than a gym stuffed with dumbbells.
This is sickening, grotesque and frankly I'm fed-up. Worried, Disorientated and Terrified.
URGHHHH.
.
He's been further than I want Him to be lately.
It might be because there's been less input effort, less conscientiousness and less discipline on my side.
It's not something to be proud off. I can't move a rock, unless effort is taken to push it hard- I know that.
I miss You, want You, need You- I love You.
,
I want to disappear into thin air. Then, I'd be a air molecule floating around in the midst of a million others watching people fluctuate between good and bad mood swings.
The plus side molecules have, is that they don't get confused. Don't overthink, worry or doubt. They don't get scared, insecure or contemplative. Planning the future isn't part of their agenda, ever lucky them.
Because molecules, don't have fuh-reaking feelings to juggle.
,,
*I get goosebumps when I bite apples or even hear the sound they make when teeth get sunken into them. Ironically enough, I spray a spritz of DKNY Delicious which is apple scented when I go out.
*I told Richard, I might not mind being short that much. Because the plus point is that dress tops, can be worn as both dresses, and tops due to the stagnance in height I have. For tall people however, dress tops can only be worn as tops, unless of course they're perfectly comfortable in showing off their knickers convering their prettyperfectbums.
He said it's possible, but continued with, "Those are usually 'poof' so your dress might go 'whoof'." In real words, 'poof'- flared and 'whoof'-fly up. Guy terms (:
I do hope though that, your mini dress flies up and exposes your very coincidental knickers which state 'Monday' when in actual fact it's 'Saturday'. BooYouu.

*And to put the light into the highlight of Twilight, it just gets more and more, interesting. BooYou, too. But with the exception, that your Boo is a little less than hers.
I am so freaking, amused (:

Lee.

I like quiet car rides. Quite in a sense the radio isn't booming out loud with rap music from Snoop Dog, instead Coldplay's VivaLaVida is playing soft enough for decent conversation, yet loud enough to hum along too.

Car rides, because I guess confinement sometimes brings issues into the open, yet that confinement hinders details from spilling out to places unfamiliar and to ears which aren't all that trusted. It just remains in that area surrounded by transparent mirrors and flashing car lights which are watched very closely, because the driver still has his P.
I like what you said, a long time back about the scene in a church wedding with the many 'I do's'. And how even though each sentence meant the same thing, it's distinguishably different when there's a vast crowd saying it, as compared as to that one special and appointed one. The right one, saying it.
I like how you keep telling me to put on my seatbelt, even if I'm seated at the back and how you make it a necessity seeing as, 'you're driving' and how despite my hard headedness and attempt to reason out that it makes me feel tied down too tightly, you persist and pester on.
I like how you've grown, from building lego and racing motor cars- to giving in to people on the road and letting them cut in line on the road. To telling me things which make me think a little more, things I don't know and find interesting yet hard to believe at the same time. To being someone who's smarter because you've gone through more salt on cuts, wiser, an older brother. Overthinker.
It's bewildering seeing the gentle-man emerge, the protector protect and the qualities dreamt about, actually being portrayed in real life by a species they call 'male'. Respect, Rationalist, Real.
She's lucky. You remind me so much, of Daddy.
Despite the petty squabbles and how our hard heads clash sometimes, even if there's slight tension and frustration, worry and conflict over issues unresolved yet- I'm really glad the brother is back (:

Miss, Missing.

It's back to the familiar land with the multi-racial-ness, air humidity and dirty public toilets. The seven hour and forty minute plane ride was pretty grueling in the sense that we took a day flight. Day- which means if we had not been seated in the cloth seats for seven hours and forty minutes, we could've been walking around moving those legs of ours. Hmm :/
The inflight movies, weren't all that good although I did manage to catch Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 which is not showing in Malaysia. So instead of fiddling around trying to figure out how to work the tiny little screen in front of me, I stared out the window, burnt a few brain cells just thinking (the magnificent skyline outside was wondrous too), and I doodled elephants, shoes and swirls with my black pen.
It's barely been a day since we've gotten back and already I miss Melbourne a whole lot. With it's funky street names, pretty skies and especially how everyone is pretty much carefree. Carefree, in a sense that there isn't a borderline drawn when it comes to dressing, which then leads on to appearance, and looks. The little spark of fear which flies when walking in a crowd of people is much minimalised there, as compared to back here.
Less stares, less fidgeting and worry then gets brought down to a level lower.
I miss the summer dresses, the summer breeze and the summer sun. I miss the blonde haired, blue eyed people who are muchh taller, and have delicious sounding accents. I miss, Melbourne.
On the plus side though, I get the huge pool of H20 back (:
.
I've changed the header and I think it's, fuh-reakingly round.
There's a strand of hair somewhere which the brother and me thought of photoshoping away, but despite the magnificence of the mere word 'photoshop' which we all know is capable of doing so much more than just removing a strand of hair (trim,tone,thin,shrink) I reluctantly told him about my anti-photoshop policy.
I love the results they give; Gisele (:. But I guess I don't necessarily agree with the facade they portray of 'perfection', despite how flawless Gisele already is?
So as doughnut, round and lumpy the new header is, it's changed. Because it's been more than half a year since the old one's been up. And a tiny plus point about the new one, is that I happen to be, "..unconditionally and irrevocably in love" with the beach (:
'Taa love.