CNY '09-

I'm either hallucinating, or I'm actually seeing alot more SLR's around these days.

Just today, there were approximately four cameras in the downstairs compound of my house clicking away at the same scenes from different angles.
I've been in close contact with Caspian which I must say has been fun- bonding with my sexy steamy black boy has been therapeutic as well as a good excuse to look busy.
Chinese New Year through Caspian and my eyes have yet to be edited, but for now- here's how Joel Lee and his sexy Elliot have seen it. The brothers pictures are my current fetish. He's got a pretty killer eye, which ends up producing ohsopretty shots.
Chinese New Year '09;
Joel Lee and Elliot.

Lee (:My boy, Caspian (:Shots with the parents where I swear I somehow look like a little kid :/A grand uncle, I think (:Mummy.Daddy.My doubleshotlowfatcaffelatte :DYvonne and her fillet 'o fish.Oliver, and Kristen.

Fami, Lee.:)Shrivelled Cheryl.

Gorgeous Sandra.

The brother.

My- ".. Koo-ahh." (:Our futile attempts of being candid with the cocktail table

and, the door.

I used to share a bed with Cheryl and right before we fall asleep, we would play the husband and wife game where I somehow cheated on her (the husband) and she would divorce me right before we knocked out, every night.
Sandra used to be in her cot, sucking her toes and wearing her frilly pretty dresses.
Yvonne once told me when we were bugging the parents to let us stay over that fur coats are only meant for cruel people and they should not be worn, ever.
Joel Lee, well lets say he used to wear his pants alot higher and listened to BackStreetBoys.
Cheryl's going to Sydney for six months, Sandra now wears pretty summer dresses and does her hair, Yvonne has killer shoes and wears eyeliner and my brother's got his girl.
Wow. Woww :)
Happy Chinese New Year.
'Taa love.

Stink, Shrink.

Everyone has gone back home.
The ones that haven't- don't need too are doing something else, all in another room.
It's late, sinful, and feels despicable but after attempts and repeated reassurance I don't necessarily believe, I eventually give in. If not for anything- so that I don't totally wreck my metabolic rate, as disgusting as it already is.
My dining room used to be curtained, but Mummy removed the opaque shades and now there's just transparent wisps of white cloth floating about covering the reflective mirrors. Light, airy, and almost ghost like.
The wooden table is covered with a huge piece of glass which is not totally reflective. But with the spotlights on, there's a faint glimpse of my own reflection when I lean over a little bit more.
Opposite me, there are glass cabinets which like the tables don't reflect back clearly, but show enough too be way too much to handle already.
By their sides, there are mirrors. Mirrors which show, do not conceal, do not soften and do not hide at all what I don't want to see. Mirrors, I detest.
Directly above the glassed table, lies a white porcelain plate. A plate which does not reflect back, but contains. I now know why they don't serve food on mirrors, and I couldn't be more grateful.
I quickly dart my eyes around the reflective room, then down onto my lap. Squinting, I almost immediately move my vision a little more towards the upper body part where I then cringe then squeeze my eyes shut.
When I open them, they're focused on the porcelain plate which I am sure, does not reflect anything back and I don't give myself a chance to look left, right, down or in front anymore.
The trauma is not only not worthit, I know I can't handle it.
I don't like this white porcelain plate very much. But I know I'd much prefer looking at it, then at the reflective glass surrounding me in the room, and what it reflects back.
Looking at something I don't like, is much easier to handle than to look at something, I detest.
Uncomfortable season.
Stupid rain.
Damned, damned mirrors.

I Feel, So Weird.

It's Chinese New Year.
I elephant-ise on the Chinese because unlike normal new years, I somehow find Chinese New Year alot more different.
Off the top of my head, unlike normal New Years celebrated at 12:00 am on the 1st of January every year, the Chinese one
1 Lasts for fifteen days as compared to the one day celebration.
2 Doesn't usually come with giving hugs, instead there's angpow giving.
3 comes with a ton of pretty pointless- food.
I don't mind the first one, we usually get a week off for holidays.
Although I admit I absolutely love hugs beyond my own understanding- the whole experience of sniffing and feeling while momentarily bonding, the second one's a plus point too. Money's always nice to get huh? (:
It's the third one in particular I'm not too keen on at all. Dinners, lunches and cookies at every single house visited is daunting.
I'm not looking forward to Chinese New Year as much this year, and ironically it might be my last one here for a while.
I'm not exactly sure what to wear for the first day- my grandfather opposes black and that was my first choice coincidentally. Time to ransack my closet.
My shoe shopping plan failed, I couldn't be bothered to step into a proper shop because they were either too crowded or not as appealing somehow. I might just wear flipflops- they don't wear shoes inside houses in malaysia anyway (:
Gisele's flawlessly pixelated on my phone. Her stomach is, perfect :/
And, my hair's been untrimmed for more than two months now I think. They're bursting split ends- eeh.
How interesting, it doesn't even feel that Chinese New Year-y.
Here's to hearing, "Wow, so grown up already." right before the adults spring into the conversation of how time flies so fast starting in approximately a day.
Yeah, you have fun too.
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Eugene and Anderson are mean.
Because over a span of two days, I have been severely mocked at for-
1 Being late all the time.
2 Contemplating tattooing myself and they have self proclaimed, that I would somehow end up placing it at the 'tramp spot'.
3 Being Hindu.
I oppose the following by stating very clearly that,
-Uhh well I'm late all the time yes, but I was on time for church today!
Eugene greeted me with a, "It's a miracle. You usually walk in during communion." And Anderson said he was disappointed I wasn't ten minutes early. Sigh some people are just so hard to please.
-I was explaining how I watch Miami Ink, and this lady got a tattoo on her back of the Seven Chakra's which was very pretty and shortly after made me contemplate a tattoo of my own for a second. Which I must make very clear- I am still processing very thoroughly in my head.
They moved on to saying how skin changes after years and getting tattoos are risky because losing skin elasticity equals a deformed looking tattoo in the long run.
Eugene, says I'd probably get one on the small of my back if I ever did- he calls it a 'tramp spot'. And here- I say NO, that isn't one of the places I'd get it if I do. Hmph :/ I'd chose a anti-wrinkling spot thank you very much.
-Back to the Seven Chakra's, I initially didn't know what it was then they told me it had to do with Hinduism.
Anderson and Eugene being- well Anderson and Eugene, self concluded once again- that the reason I come late to church (first point) and the reason I like the Seven Chakra's tattoo on Miami Ink (second point) is because I spend my time meditating and reading the Hindu book thing before I come to church which 'explains' the delay, and I want to symbolise it by tattooing myself.
Sighh, the conclusions these two come up with- (which I once again put my foot firmly down on) are NOT true.
It's nearly the end of the weekend and apparently that's as far as the mockery goes- hahh.
I conclude- (as Eugene so confidently say would be posted on my blog)
These two are mean.
I feel much more relieved now ;)
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And credits to Ms Tan YiLin who has been repeating Matt Doyle; her current obsessions name repetitively over the past week.

Hey Jude, by the cast of Spring Awakening is unexplainably beautiful.
And so is Lucky by Jason Mraz and Colbie Caillat.
As cliche as it is.
"Lucky" Official Video With Colbie Caillat

Colbie is gorgeous, and Jason's a geek.
And the beach, is so beautiful (:
Brilliant combination.
'Taa love.

Mmph.

Lumps, Bumps, Bulges, Disgust.

Holding things back for too long awhile, somehow hinders, blurs and tires out to the point where problems become too fuzzy to sort out, straighten out and solve.
A creased shirt that gets ironed doesn't stay uncreased for too long. When the weather gets too hot and uncomfortable, it starts to get crumpled up again.
It might not look like it's just tumbled out of the washing machine, not as bad messy and untidy maybe. But despite that, you can still feel the sweat, moisture and uncomfortable aura wrapped around your body due to that particular garment.
Lumpy, Bumpy, Bulgy and Disgusting.
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Teck Yan is a hundred and ninety three centimeters tall and still growing. He, is very tall.
I arm wrestled with Teck Yan today. Well, I arm wrestled- He used two fingers.
It started off by him saying he'd give me chance and let me start more than half way down on his side, then he came up with the two fingers thing.
I laughed and said I'd give it a shot, whatever eyh?
Getting all geared, pumped and thinking- Let's see how I do on this one, I started resting my elbow on the desk.
In less than five seconds, my hand was down and his massive two little fingers had beaten all the energy I had put into my whole arm.
And that concludes, the most interesting arm wrestle I've been involved in my whole life.
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Having skipped school for two days, I've accumulated a pile of homework yet to be finished.
We got a free period during Maths today and I was copying Rachel's handwriting into my book while at the back of me- the boys are talking about I'm not too sure what, and at the side of me- the girls are gushing, squealing and chattering away about all the steamies you could name.
Aaron Eckhart, Matt Doyle, Wentworth Miller, Chad Michael Murray and Christian Bale are some of the few I remember but I know there's a long train following those.
Here and there, I shout in agreement. Mainly to Aaron, Chad and Christian. Other than that, I attempt to smile and continue copying Rachel's neatly printed script while diverting once in awhile when I hear a steamy name being mentioned.
Pau Ling gets pretty dramatic here and there and her squeals reach a note higher than school reccomends ever so often. I turn around, look at Han Wei and say-
"I actually find it pretty fascinating how our species, find certain species of your kind so captivating. Because realistically speaking, all I have to do is turn around and I get your species sitting behind me just like that, y'know? (:"
Han Wei laughs and agrees and I know he's silently listening, probably unconsciously to the chatter about the various male celebrities just a table away. Whether he's taking it all in or not, I'm not sure. Because the bunch of boys at the back of me in their little group aren't talking all that enthusiastically if compared to Pau Ling and the rest of the girls.
After a bit, the females divert gender and the topic of steamy lady celebrities arise.
I get a sudden thought, and say out loud- "Hey Kate Beckinsale's pretty hot I think."
And this tops of the entire conversation- after the boys' silence for about ten minutes, just with Kate Beckinsale's name mentioned- Han Wei, Wee Han and Teck Yan awake with a very obvious jolt, their faces lit up, pencils they're holding drop just like that and in agreement they, shout- "Oh mann, yeah she's really hot!"
So now, I've pretty much discovered it just takes the mere name Kate Beckinsale to perk boys up. Sheesh (:
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Sarah: Umm, Adrian, are you free?
Adrian: Heyy, yeah I am. Why?
Sarah: Umm, because somethings happened to Rachel and Germaine's helping her right now. But I think, we might really need your help.
Adrian and me make our way to the kitchen in church with my pink cell and camera in hand. He takes out his car keys, slightly alarmed and unsure of how exactly to react with the brief and uninformative question I had just threw at him.
Adrian: Is she okay?
Sarah: Umm, I'm not sure.
Adrian: Do her parents know?
Sarah: Umm, it was pretty sudden so she doesn't actually want anyone to know just yet.
In my head, I'm questioning what I had meant by that sentence because I have really no idea what message I intended to display with that quick comeback sentence.
A few steps away from the kitchen, I see Rachel peeping out and the door slightly ajar. My eyes widen and I bit my lip incase I suddenly burst out laughing.
His wallet and keys are in hand.
I open the door, Rachel's back in turned on me, and when she sees us come in she smiles, turns around with Germaine and with a cake in Rachel's hand and a camera in Germaine's, we start a pretty poor rendition of Happy Birthday (:
I add in the 'belated' here and there but it doesn't really make and difference or serve much meaning.
What's important is that the plan to surprise Adrian Tan with a birthday cake in memory of his very belated birthday- succeeded.
Yay, Trio.
Adrian: And I thought you don't lie (:
Sarah: But, I don't? (;
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-I, Don't, Like, What, I'm Feeling, and, Seeing.
At freaking, all.
-I've been so edgy and frustrated I can't even stand myself. Urghh.
What a positive update, it even ends with sarcasm.
I'm on a roll here, looking like one too.
Flab, Flab, Go AwayAwayAwayAway ):
There, I'm done hmph.
'Taa love.

EndWeekEnd.

Building bricks and stacking them up is alot easier than knocking and breaking them down in a sense that while increasing the height of a wall, you just need to constantly stack bricks up repetitively.
After a while it becomes easier, naturally comfortable, familiar and normal.
I'm either unconsciously or consciously going round and round in a circle stacking up bricks around me. I'm accumulating stone, minimizing my radius of observation and trying to block out.
I, Don't, Know, Why.
Hitting brick gets hard, tiresome and downright grueling. But despite my repetitive building up, I don't think I want you to stop trying to knock my wall down. I don't like too bright spectrums of light but at the same time- I don't know how high I want to go and how much colour in the surroundings I really want to block out.
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There's this sharp poking sensation at my back they call, 'pain'. I just call it something uncomfortable- self inflicted pain doesn't exist in my vocabulary.
It's, very uncomfortable because I think it stings. But unfortunately my dang stomach is not cooperating and still chooses to overflow out of Asia. Urgh, Screw. ):
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I came downstairs at one plus am in the morning.
I was walking and turning round a corner when all off a sudden, I see this black rope-esque object which had a head and moved slightly with the steps I took.
I shrieked, literally in the early morning and Daddy didn't quite like it so he said my name in his deep 'I'mnotthathappy' tone. (Sidetracking- I somehow really like it when I hear my name called out by anyone for some odd reason (:)
Stammering, I pointed and let out "Uhh, But, I Dunno, Daddy?" and he too came round the corner and for a few seconds, two Lee family members were standing stiff in their pyjamas, looking at a small grass snake.
Feeling a little more confident to move with Daddy by my side, I jumped and the wriggly reptile jumped too. I let out another shriek, there came a "Shh, Sarah." and I got onto a stool while Daddy took a plastic broom and vigorously- or in the most vigorous way he could at one am in the morning, started whacking the snake's head.
That, concludes what happened before I fell asleep last night (:
Pretty fascinating, if you ask me- not very often do snakes come into your house and you bare witness it being killed.
.
You have an awesome week.
'Taa love.

What a senseless post. Here's an equally senseless post title.

Two weeks of school're over already and I've managed to skip a day. Not bad, considering I felt bad in doing so- then I got a text from Xin Hui saying she wished she skipped too.

The best part is, it's planned in Daddy's journal on Monday to write me a note to say I won't be there Tuesday because Singapore beckons. Hello- Borders, clean streets and pretty people. That brings it to two days in three weeks so my clean slate in trying to make it to school more times than last year seems to be messed up already.
I've opened up my Blogger and clicked on 'New Post' several times this week already only to stare at a blank white screen and then close the box after a few minutes. Similar to water in a closed bottle, inside a hot car I think. I've had stuff to say but I don't exactly know where to either begin/ how to type them out.
It's very much the same scenario now. The only difference is that I'm refraining from clicking the red box with a cross and moving my fingers on the keyboard hoping I move somewhere in the thinking too.
The past weeks been pretty much a blur- either from the lack of sleep or stress from an unidentified source. But both ways, caffeine and moving back and forth aimlessly in H20's been a major pulling through rope. Caffeine unnaturally sustains, and moving just tires and then blocks everything out after. Which is unexplainably so good.
Because I really don't know what else to say, or how to elaborate starting from here-
-I miss you so much.
-I've been disappointed in you, because despite the, "..you know she does her best." my love language is somewhat very different. And this whole week it's been a killer trying to rationalize that out.
-I feel like a hermit crab stuck inside it's shell, and honestly sometimes it feels safer as compared to being naked and exposed in flabby skin.
-I've been and am- so terrified.
-I've been feeling- both physically and mentally alot. Urgh.
-Pushing, Hurting- still isn't enough.
-I detest to bits, my stomach.
-I naturally distance when I don't receive what I expect. And that's why talking to you has been much less.
-I think I've somewhat unintentionally scarred my wrist.
-I'm disappointed, because I feel like a disappointment.
-It's been awhile, but talking and catching up with you after what seemed like ages, late at night was good. Different from what I remembered it to be, but I'm glad. Thank you for being there, gorgeous.
-I've got way too much post-burn-a-peanut-substance in my body- it's feels terrible.
-I thought I bought a rectangular mirror, but apparently it's morphed into a round one.
-And I just, don't know.
Too much, too held back already, too sick of reasoning out and then explaining.
.
The morning started out with two unstable hormonal women which wasn't very pretty I must say. Two hours of sleep from the night before seemed a little pushing the line, but the roof, imaginary moon, stars and camera flash with two awesome people on the roof made up for it.
Writing the 15th of January on my school exercise books was hard so here and there I added a sad smiley face.
But- "Trust me, Sarah. I've got it planned out."'s rang during the doubtful moments and I felt a little thing called calm, very slightly after repeating Trust many times.
Pictures, 6 pm, DKNY Be Delicious, a familiar black car, texts, fingernails, fingertips, twirly hair.
A hug, "I'll miss you.", beautiful people, lines from a beautiful voice then I made my way back home, reached back and went upstairs only to fall asleep unintentionally within minutes without sit ups and dinner.
It's the 16th of January already. Hold that- 17th, actually because it's past twelve.
It's been a blast.
You, have a great time in Aussie land.
Take good care.
.
I was doing Chemistry when all dolled up in a light brown shirt, jeans and cologne- the brother came in and gave me a balancing dragonfly from Vietnam. Ten minutes into the conversation, his phone rang- his girl and I smiled while he grinned and knocked my shin from under the table while tilting up his head asking me what I was smiling about.
I shrugged and went back to chemicals while He gelled his hair and got ready to drive out.
It's good to have the Lee men back. I guess there are just times when I like the mixed gender society better than the pure female one, somehow.
'Taa love.

"Woe, is me."

-my title, quotes HuiYing who somehow always seems to perk up the school day. Which in this context is very- ironic (:

We're into the second week of January and I'm already feeling- something which resembles exhausted, frustrated, tired and depressed. But now, I am pretty sure it's neither one. It just very much resembles those four feelings.
Resembles- because those four are grouped under 'lazy' inside my brain. And that four lettered word very much crosses the vulgar boundary line for me. It's grotesque, undisciplined, flawed and somehow always gets linked to the 'f' word. And we all know how terrified I am of the 'f' word, these two weeks it's seemingly bordered suicidal.
It's been a week, and Saturday somehow seems still so fresh. Ghastly, Terrifying and Confusing because Solving just wasn't possible, and Helpless was the only thing that seemed present.
Maybe because it's Sunday now, and there's another week that lies ahead, seven times more of twenty four hours. Waking up early, not falling asleep in class, doing reasonably well. All for, Melbourne and the high hopes it hopefully holds.
Maybe because, it's Thursday in a few days and I don't necessarily like airports and foreign people gibbering away in unknown languages, even if the scenario I must admit- is pretty fascinating.
Maybe because, there's a quality men are capable of having- being dominant and that naturally comes with the feeling that everything is a bit more secure. Compared to if there are only women occupying a building. I find female fights, generally more vile than when guys beat each other up over a football game. Maybe because females have longer nails, sharper teeth and longer, quicker and able-to-cut-deeper tongues, unintentionally.
"Heyy- I want to go to Vietnam too."
And somehow, what seemed so familiar just a few weeks ago now has drastically changed into something so scary, insecure and light blinding. Pink seems way too bright, and high heels seem capable of puncturing into skin with just one touch. Your very prominent beauty, brings back the self degrading, pathetic and lousy aura which feels overwhelming.
Night H20-ing, Coffee and Four hours of sleep maximum throughout the week has been sustaining me and I've survived so far. Masochistically speaking like I've said before, pushing secures. The physical is always easier to analyze than the emotional.
*Sara's hugs and Kevin Loo, somehow always seem to make my weekends. I think it's the Australian vibe.
*"I think, she's, really lucky."
Not being family-sist, (I've even analyzed it to confirm)- she really is to have, the brother.
"I think, it's cause you know how to respect her. Like, as a person; individual."
1 John 5:4
for everyone born of God, overcomes the world.
,
on a lighter note, I managed to somewhat unconsciously doodle on my leg while listening through an unimportant yet meaningful conversation which involved nothing important, yet everything priceless.
It's, a snowflake. Which has been confused over the last two days as,
-a weirdly shaped birthmark
-a blue black where by Mummy dearest actually freaked- "Aiyoohh o_0 Sarah, your leg ):"
-an actual tattoo, which I must say was pretty flattering- someone thinking I'm capable of getting a real needle scraping through my skin.
-a scar, and in my opinion the funniest of them all
-a hugeass mole.
See (:You, have a nice week.
Toodleloo, Love.

Only, nearly a week.

It's been back to white school shoes, ankle-ish socks, uniforms and waking up early for three days already. I must say, I'm pretty surprised I've been able to wake up to the somehow interesting yet can be annoying tune of Vanessa Anne Hudgens- Let's Dance, as it's set to my alarm ring tone- without having to press the snooze button more than once.
Considering the incompetence of me to have woken up by an alarm during the whole holidays which lasted more than a month- that I must say, it's an achievement. Wooh (:
Intriguingly, I find the whole routine of waking up early pretty good. And stepping back into a class where Pau Ling shows me her pretty notebooks inside her ultra small backpack, Mei Yi makes sarcastic comments which turn out to be the funniest ever, Yi Lin tries to kill me without fail by nearly pushing me into a wall, Xin Hui obsesses over Gary the no longer living snail, Mans and Jasmine have to show me how to solve an addmaths question after every class, Teck Yan the tall one is mean because he's wayy up there ;), noises come out from the boys at the randomest of times even if Han Wei isn't sitting at the back of me, and I'm next to Rachel Ho which I'm very glad off- is unexplainably pretty okay.
.
I somehow find, physical pain alot more bearable than emotional pain sometimes.
Maybe because physical pain is alot easier to sort out, explain than the emotional one.
I know, because of that- physical pain has start to become alot easier to choose. Something almost secure.
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"You're the last person that's going to admit."
No doubt, I would be. I know that for a fact although I would never agree out loud. But right now, even needing- (which I never will have too) admit it to myself in secret seems absurd despite how masochistically beautiful that sentence sounds.
It's a mixture of evil and good, which masters deception so well. So much so, I don't even know which side I'm more towards.
Losing sounds deliriously captivating. But 'winning' seems too scarily sacrificial.
.
Melbourne, Sarah- Melbourne.
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All in one night, I managed to seemingly puncture an already punctured tire of the two most important people in the middle of the Mojave blazing hot desert. The downside, everything else was miles away and running just lead to nowhere due to the vast amount of sand and absence of beautiful H20.
Traumatizing, Despicable and Useless- everything said was wrong and failure was the only word able to sum up the meaning of this round grotesque being.
On bed sheets and car seats, 'right' attempts only and always ended up- wrong.
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They say curiosity killed the cat. I'm not sure how that happened exactly, but I know the curiosity of pulling a rubberband too far will definitely cause it to snap.
The cat wasn't immune to getting killed, and noones immune to the sting when a rubberband snaps. But like I said- physical pain is somehow sadistically beautiful sometimes. I might be a masochist.
Pushing to the maximum limits doesn't seem possible. Because maximum doesn't and can never seems to hurt- enough.
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Thursdays near, and I hate this, messy.
.
There, done.
GEEZ :(

Middle Child Sin-drome.

If I had a pms-ing, round, rude, rowdy, bad eye sighted, fussy and particular, wild, problematic, despicable sixteen year old daughter- I'd very much contemplate on throwing her into a ditch and then burying her with sand.
Wait scratch the sand, I'd maybe drown her with H20 instead- cause then at least she'll enjoy the last moments of her life.
Thank God, I am not the only child.
Bursting pressure, a Bruised arm- purely Beastly. Screw, and Sorry.
,
They- whoever 'they' are, say when it rains- it pours.
It poured today. A double dose of worry, guilt and confusion.
Not knowing what went wrong, how it went wrong, or what I did to mess everything up.
I can't exactly say my senses are in the best form now, my eyes are swollen and my tear ducts are cried out dry and besides my throat being sore, I sound like a toad.
Pushing till it hurts doesn't seem enough, but it does block out everything else for a bit.
Physical pain seems pretty comforting.
Lose, Willowy, Tired, Exhausted- Secure.
The most frustrating part is, I don't even know which part to begin when it comes to getting myself fixed.
Do something Sarah, freaking- fix yourself.

Hesitance.

I've got a batch full of pictures and updates stored in my drafts that have yet to be published.

School's starting in less than a week and I don't exactly know where my pink Jansport bag has gone. My pencil case has been all around with me these holidays so I'm pretty much anticipating the thought of it being around- what with my Artline 200 pen, liquid paper and gel tipped pens for doodling these twelve more months ahead.
Anticipation, Worry and just Letting go is not a very easy combination but it's somewhat exciting.
It's exactly a year to Melbourne if all goes well- so I'm very excited about that currently.
Do bear the pixels and colours, although I don't think 'bear' isn't quite a correct word to use for me- I like pixels and colours (:
Not many lengthy posts here. But more of what I was up to the end of 2008. I miss it already, mm (:
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Blog surfing, which I sometimes utterly detest-
Not crazy, wild or, flawless as you. Zilch blossoming money filled tree, makeup artists and designer drapes. Probably never will have, never will ever be. But sometimes I'm pretty sure I don't I really want that. It's beautiful, captivating and charming. But all the glitter, gorgeousness and shiny perfection might be a bit too much to handle for me, in the long run.
I'm happy for you, really you're lucky. But I guess it's just that I'm starting to want to appreciate here, rather than want something there.
And eliminating, sometimes makes everything about you I love so unexplainably much, alot easier too :/
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Australia is a foreign country. It's saturated with the Asian population-
Japanese and Koreans who're pale, petite and pretty.
Thais who're stunning, sexy and steamy.
Indonesians who're independant, individualistic and intriguing.
Singaporeans who're- well they're just plain wow I find.
I'm not thaat worried about the lack of communication with back here. I'm terrified of the opportunity of communication which is so vast over there.
Prettier, more Petite, Perfect.
''Insecurity issues.''- yeah, major.
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The triplets had their usual random 'come over to the Lee's house' day, which was as usual- charming.

They can very much say words and talk now so communicating with them's beautiful because they can say out what they want, don't want, like, dislike.
The fact that they're of to Tokyo hasn't hit me that hard yet, but when the day comes I know I'm going to miss them a whole bunch.

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Look!
-Stripes! :D
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Practice before Christmas was fun.
YF committee meeting before was pretty interesting. We found out that for three consecutive years I've been in the same group for camp as Justin James Ng.
Rachel Ho and me did, not- play unfair when it came to choosing dorm rooms no matter how much we wanted too, and I have to say I am very proud of her for carrying a truckload of cash in her bag, to McDonalds in Old Town without freaking out.
Of course, she only realized after we got back into the car and went back to church. Which I say is a good thing- eliminated all her worrying (:
Sloo let me grafitize her hand during practice, so I penned on a Christmas tree, reindeer and reindeer footprints.
See (:
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Yes Man, beating the basketball score at the arcade while watching them put up the Christmas decorations in an empty mall was pretty fun.And onlyy, because I know you'd do it too if noone were looking-
I sat in a lame yellow vehicle which I could surprisingly fit into and not get stuck..
Free *CoughCough* Carls Jr..
The actual Christmas day, consisted of contemplating if I should wear black or not for fear of being labeled as- sad. I decided to after running in and out of the parent's room back and forth repeating the same question- "You sure it's okay?" over and over, and hung my beaded colourful earrings through my ear holes. I decided that should compensate for my solemn colour and headed out the front wooden door with my pink Ikea bowl in hand consisting of cereal.
Slightly late as usual, I made my way up on stage in the middle of Rachel and Sara just in time for one last rendition of 'Sing Gloria', then wished them Merry Christmas.
Everyone looked stunning in their Christmas clothes, pretty smiles and it didn't feel like a Thursday for some reason. Just- Christmas.
I love, Christmas. Every year (:And the people who made my day that much more enjoyable-
Anderson,
who tries to kill the committee every weekend with meetings and throwing errands at us to do.
But I do have to say, "I prefer being busy doing something than not having anything to do at all."
He agrees with- "Yeah, I can tell you're the type who can't sit still."
Han Jung (:
Cherru, I miss seeing you by the way.
Lauren and Cassie, who looked gorgeous with their dresses.
and Sloo, who apparently looked up at Lauren like that on purpose.

Gadiy with his colourful shirt.

Zoe with her pretty blouse.
Phye Beng (:
and Sloo- which made this picture radd.
One of the nicest of all the guys around, Adrian Tan.
The girl I grew up in diapers with, my baby buddy Rachel Ho (:
Sara Loo, Sa-Loo, Sloo, Love.Somehow we managed to switch the funny face timing so I started of funny while she was natural,
then she went funny while I was natural,
then we eventually got a proper shot.Kevin Loo, Ka-Loo, Kloo (:
and our Lala yet un-Lala, Lala pose.
It's good to have you back.

Eugene- "Okay, I'm not very good at this cam whoring thing."
so we got someone to take it for us in the end.

Classic moment of the day was when I, being me- took more than one shot because the earlier ones looked weird.
Richard being Richard, said- "I know yoou just want to take alot of pictures of me huh? (:"
-_______-
Mummy's trifle, avery nice;pPolo tee, Speed and Caspian ended Christmas pretty good.
Lala all natural.Nasty :/
.
Photostating 70 camp booklets and listening to the man speak in Cantonese, and Romeo being very sexist.
I must say, he doesn't hump my leg in particular.
.
.
I'm guessing the one hour nights rest the day before camp took its toll on me quite instantly. It wasn't a huge toll, but my eyes did get tired, my arms did feel all floppy and my legs surely did feel numb. Lethargy apparently can come either from lack of sleep, or not enough movement and I picked the second one as the cause of my body malfunction which was extremely daunting.
Camp booklet, worship and powerpoint slides later, I looked at my pink cell and wasn't really able to think straight when I saw that it was 5 am, and I'd have to be awake an hour later- to take my bag, shoes and everything else I needed only to head three hours away from home.
I'm no psychic, but I did know I was going to miss my H20, green tea and the security of home and being in a place familiar. I can't exactly prove the psyching technique works, but it did help to counter the slight fear, the being (as usual) late, and the morning syndrome we had before leaving home- a little.
But a caving adventure with Sloo as my awesome buddy, a car ride with a few of the funniest and nicest people I know, and a little motion sickness thanks to Anderson's driving later- I felt a whole lot better.
A year ago, we were in a tall building with many stairs leading to mattresses-as-beds dorms and now, we were in a tiled bungalow with a field, nice dorms and a swimming pool (: The bewilderment of how the year was going to end in a couple of days hit me off and on but I pretty much shrugged it off, lack of sleep must've been a cause of the whole 'shouldn't think of this now' attitude. Having taken the car we arrived earlier than the bus did and before the 'No feet in the pool unless they're clean' rule was heard, ceased the opportunity with Kloo to dip our legs into the blue tiled pool which felt really good.
,
-Falling asleep momentarily to the chatter of JoelLee, KevinLoo, RachelHo and Anderson.
-Kloo and JoelLee's attempt to imitate cows and sticking their heads outta the window and then letting out loud- Mooo's.
-Random hugs from Sloo and piggy back attempts.
-Cereal bars- without the cereal and milk. Milo.
-Infared-ing with the BabyBuddy.
-Bunk beds, shared toilets, limited shower time, 10 or more varied people at a table, group duties.
-The whole scenario of Name tags, Camp booklets and Carrying a notebook with my stripped pencil case around.
-Worshiping an audience of, one.
-Random 'Ooi, Slee!''s from Kloo, 'Ah-Moi''s from Anderson, 'Miss Lee''s from Eugene, and 'SarahLee''s.
-Noise, constantly. Silence, occasionally- was an unexplainable intriguing mix.
-Sunday morning worship with a lack of caffeine, started of groggily. I pinched myself a couple of times. But then Steph, Rachel and Bue's sharing perked me up a mile because they were all sharings so encouraging, genuine, enough to captivate me to stop the pinching and start the pondering. Even without the caffeine.
-Announcements for the first time ever- "Bonjour (:"
-Stupid ketchup and flour got onto my leg. I wiped the ketchup off because it smelt, but the flour somehow caked on my leg. Thanks alot, JJ you group dumper ;)
-RickHoyt couldn't run without DickHoyt. And DickHoyt, wouldn't run without RickHoyt.
I wouldn't be able to run without You, and You, stepped down from everything above- perfection, the cleanest place ever, to become a flawless being, just so you could run with me.
-With the overall dirt right here, how is that not, a mind boggling fact.
-Daddy, tears, a hundred times 24/7, hurt and me, hurt and You, the immense pain it must feel.
-I'm so amazed, by You.
How You, love me.
-Silence, Sharing and Strengthening between a vast spread of individuals was beautiful.
-Three gorgeous SLR's, a yellow flower, tired looking Adrian shots, Steph's hair blowing photo portraits and a round table.
-Night hugs from Sloo, the hype Milo gives before bedtime, three membered committee talks about being an overthinker, toilet talks with RachelHo about everything that needs to be strewn out at the end of the day.
-Yoga-esque exercises with funky music, reflections in puddles of water from rain the night before.
-Quiet time with Bue, Steph and Tammy was captivating and I enjoyed it, unexplainable. Beautiful, Genuine, Captivating and Logical thoughts, of three stunning girls.
-Snowflakes on stripped foolscap paper, in different colours, and with different patterns. I still listen.
-Throwing a frisbee across a field, isn't the same as throwing a wad of paper across the room at all. Thankfully despite my weird wrist arm and terrible throwing skills, Shenny didn't aim directly at my head so as to knock me down. Thanks for being so patient, and being one of the most interesting one to talk to in group, Honour. This being an inside thing, I know who you don't like ;)
-Stinky stenches, Shaving Cream, Shiny hair gel, Stuffy flour and Slurping water while talking. Pretty amusing doing these when you're half dead and are suffering from severe lack of sleep.
-Bloody fingerprints, Kitchen stoves, Neatly folded plastic bags, and the motive of abuse. Miss Joanna, overdosed Mr Joel with drugs killing him, in the kitchen.
The brother came down to the overthinking table, after. And told us that due to his nightmare potential game, PJ and Keith saw their reflection in the mirror, screamed and hid behind him. -Worship leading was terrifying as usual at first. But imagining there wasn't anyone except You that mattered, helped a tiny bit. Not a beach-too general. Not a pool- too personal. A frangipani with the pool in the background and the support of the parents coincidentally being there, made it a little more reassuring although I don't exactly know if I was making much sense.
-Tazo peach green Starbucks tea.
-PhyeBeng has the awesomest guitar ever, and Shenny has the awesome guitarcase, ever (:
-Armour, Farmer. Success, Kick Ass. Stone, Bone.
The flying tiny angel, Barber quartet, Muruku and Miang *cough Caleb cough* dog.
Talentime was a stomach abb forming event like always.
-Dorm sharing on the last night with the two girls' dorms combined started out with whispers but after awhile speech started kicking in. Sloo on my top bunk, three standard sixes at the bottom with only their legs sticking out, little zesty chilli padi, Ms, SafetyNet at the bottom and a whole bunch of wonderful girls talking about Mr. Short Shorts.
I went to sleep with my phone somewhere on top of me after fiddling around with pictures I missed.
-Being in the same group as a certain someone for three years straight, causes weird dreams and talks about annulment. Weird dreams, do you owe me JJ, otherwise I'm filing for divorce.
-Sharing was encouraging, seeing unexpected words strewn out by unexpected people felt really good. Claps, Appreciation, Ending.
-Picture taking was by the pool, I couldn't have asked for a better place (:
-Carpe Diem, Corem Deo.
Matthew 10:39
If your first concern is to look after yourself, you'll never find yourself. But if you forget about yourself and look to me, you'll find both yourself and me.
2 Corinthians 12:9 ..
"My grace is sufficient for you, My power is perfected in weakness. Therefore, gladly I will rather boast in my weakness, so that the power of Christ should rest upon me."
,
How can I not, love Sloo?
Eugene and his 'no normal face', phase. Aiyohh, Eugene you're so glam (:
This one very much looks like he's either going, "Fuyohh!" or, he's swearing.
Hmm ;)
Yu Shen!
Who didn't hit me on the head with the frisbee despite my futile attempts to thrown a frisbee from the front, for over an hour.
One of the nicest guys (who Anderson bullies so much tsk) around.
And because, Rachel and me agree- We love Shenny! :DH20 (:The one I officially proclaim annulment on- Justin James Ng.
Plus, the guy I know with the most number of alphabets in his name.
Baby Buddy, Rachel Ho.
Sloo Love.My awesome group (eventhoughwedidn'tgetfirstandgotdumpedbythreemajorpeople- *Cough*Eugene,JJ,Jason*Cough*)- Honour.
(:
On the contrary, the flies and stench wasn't all that pretty. But with a bunch of 70+ish youth, I guess that's what you'd inevitably expect.
Camp was awesome, and I wouldn't have had it any other way.
.
Ushering in the New Year- 2009 wasn't filled with a wild party, fireworks or booze.
In fact I'd term it as mild, quite and calm.
But nonetheless, under the luminescent yellow light, it felt pretty peaceful being in a secure place and knowing that the path ahead, whichever couorse it decided to take, He already knew.
Knew, Planned and Would be there to guide.I started working on this post on the 31st of December, 2008. And now, it's already 2nd January 2009.
I just got a rush of cold sweat typing out the second four numbers, zilch exagguration.
Jeremiah 17:7
Blessed are those who trust in the Lord.
Who's trust, is the Lord.
So, here it goes, twelve more months. 364 more days till 2010. Wow :/
Carpe Diem, Corem Deo.
'Taa, love.

Another down, One more up.

2009 which means I turn seventeen, get to sit for my driving test and sadly means January is that much closer. School starts, You leave and everything else undeniably moves on as nature naturally takes its course.
As distant as everything seems already sometimes a little small talk, insensitive comments, seemingly reassuring familiarity and the slightest flashbacks bring up a huge wave of memories which lead to the whole hoohaa of pondering, questioning and wondering. All summed up one plain word- thinking.
Seems like a huge blur how tiny has played such a huge part and still constantly does although maybe slightly more subtly, even till today. Seems like a mystery how something so drastic has been minimalized, by such a maximum amount. It is definitely, not something that has been erased squeaky clean off the slate, but I guess the pencil marks left behind either get drawn into something that seems to make more sense now, or get erased a little bit with the help of the best erasers around.
Gisele still models, the whole bunch of you still look absolutely flawless it's intriguing even being in your presence and my tummy still occupies a vast grotesque continent on earth. That much has remained the same even after two whole years now.
I don't exactly know how much more of that is going to change. But I guess, Gisele despite not looking so- has aged by two years, I with some sort of unexplainable neither bad or good- relief, don't face your perfection as much as I used to, and I thankfully don't keep a map in my room till today so I eliminate seeing the size of my very own continent.
I love Faith. I'm still learning to Trust, but all in all- I know I want and need to Love.
And without any question, I'm pretty certain that has played a major part in joining the H to the 2o, for these past two years. That among with the vast number of beautiful and wondrous molecules by it's side, which I really truly do thank and love.
,
For the endless support despite how tough things get. For the yelling, screaming, debating but eventually sorting out of issues I'm not sure are stupid or not. Thank you for being there, I can nearly say 24/7 wiping the tears, holding back the hands and being absorbent bodies I know I am extremely comfortable with, because I'm able to laugh, cry and not have to pretend around.
For showing true love is despite the unexplainable reason why certain things have/will happen, and doing so despite how rocky the boat can sometimes get. I love you both, very much.

For all the times I argue with you, then retreat back to my room while slamming the front door shut, only to start reasoning out with myself how much it hurts to be hurt by you uncauntiously and eventually not denying that the root of it all is because I am terribly worried and concerned at the same time. Overexposure is never pretty, at such a young age it gets uglier. I worry, I pray and I hope that the outrageous amount of unnecessary influence would somehow bounce off an invisible shell I would put around you if I could. I know it's impossible, but I guess the best right now is to thank you for being so strong, mature and pulling through- I don't think I would be able to come through as solidly as you did, giving I was in your position. I really, in an weird appearing love-hate way, love you.

Sensible, respectful- I thank God you're around, I really do.
The good boy, I term in my head as the one that keeps the parents sane. The type of guy you'd bring home to meet your mum.
It's not stopped intriguing me since I saw you this year how that little boy in green and yellow pants who now wears jeans and Threadless tees, is now a completely changed and so matured person who loves God, cares and is beautifully genuine. Silence can explain a thousand things, and I've learnt to understand that your silence signifies the encyclopedia-equivalent-number of words being penned down in your head.
Over thinker, who I look up too so much and love.

Phonecalls. Seashells. Advice over telephone waves. Random visits. Movies. Kaya toast, without the butte*. Texts. Jason Mraz and Colbie Caillat. Giving in while playing basketball. Stealing my pen. The Lala pose and your mum. Yellow polo top. Whitedress. Supergirl. Instant noodles. Silky legs. "..your fa-ace.". Fingers, Hands and Pretty Nails.
No shorter than a blessing from God, I've grown so much with you from petty falls and major breaks. Opened so many new doors and closed/ left a few which were too tough and didn't seem like the were much worth pursuing to open behind.
I've learnt what it means to love, blindfolded and regardless how much someone falls- for an individual as a whole.
I'll miss you so much. I love you.

The amazement which never seems to cease when people realize, seven times a week doesn't yet kill/ is not enough to make two people go berserk. Or maybe they find our knock knock jokes funny and actually make sense ;)
I'm glad you're a confidante which understands even with the lack of words and a mere drawing of an elephant, mirror and girl. Glad you come from so many same places as I do when it comes to seeing things, people and worrying about things and what people think. I like the telepathy waves we have, the invisible infrared.
You're beautiful in every single way you do things, look and just as the whole person you are.
Much love always, you.

There's been this endless feud of pink versus blue, and I am strongly on pinks side.
But over the past year, I think the giggles, walking around aimlessly in the school carpark, laughs during class, "OHNOO!"es and sharing off electrons has reduced my being against blue, because of you- by thaat much. Love always.

Thank you for the best and most unexpected advice that brings upon unsuspected thoughts strolling into my head. Understanding someone isn't that easy but knowing you try or actually take things in instead of just hearing makes a big difference. Here's to you also, for not judging, being patient and bearing the horrible jokes we find funny most of the time. Like the gummy bear and Mozart (:

Seven hours away is far to me, even when compared with the distance of other countries.
But I love the fact that I get comments when I need them on blog posts and Facebook messages when I least suspect them. I like how we abbreviate, taking the first letter of our names and combining them with our surnames so we get some funky word that doesn't make sense- yet sounds pretty cool.
I love Australia, and I love the both of you.

Thank you for texts that have to do with fruits- grapes. And for random ones at night just to say hi. Advice, experiences and reassurance that makes one feel a little better when the day's not playing fair and being rough.
The interesting phonecall about cement was such an awesome cover up when using the office phone to call a, 'customer'.
You're such a special one.

Thanks for the loyal comments I look forward to reading everytime I publish a post- be it senseless or deep. Because they usually assure me that you've read the entire post and understood it and somehow that feels like I've gibbered alot less senselessly. For class games during youth that makes absolutely no sense at time, teaching us how to play poker and the joys of taboo which I never knew how to play until this year. Don't skip prayer meeting next year, I'll try not to too.

-PPSST, Random questions and Truth or dare
-Random statements and me telling you not to burn down the kitchen

;always makes the beep sound when I get a text that much more interesting.

To you two, for being my happy pills and the nicest two of the lot. For watching Bolt even though you don't like hamsters, and you weren't feeling all too well. (:

I have to say, it's pretty interesting hearing- slut, whore, bohsia and bohjan come out from you everytime you dislike something.
We wear the coolest Giseles, take the stupidest camwhore shots and like the coolest angmoh dudes for no apparent reason, just because we can probably.
Here's to many more doodling moments in class and weird outings. Love, slore.

Thank you for long texts that I like scrolling down to. The cupcake in the mailbox when the birthday wasn't going to well and weird fantasies about wiping out the bug population on earth.

I still haven't sat in your damaged by someone else car and J.Co/ Big Apple has not yet been supported by us.
And, thank you for the little note just at the right time.

To my unofficial twins in the land where cleanliness is everywhere and imprinted strongly. It's been a while since Orchard, and I've only met you once- but I love and think of you all the time, you're constantly being thought of, remembered and prayed for. I miss butterfree pretzels, walking around aimlessly and Zara. You're captivating because of your outstanding personality- friendly, caring and genuine. And that short Facebook message with just a few words, meant a whole lot. Both of you are strong, and due to circumstances- understanding. Unrelated twins- with the same brown shade of hair, foreign looks with the Singaporean accent and beautiful character I love.

If I had to think of one couple, just off the top of my head, it'd be you two.
There's a certain amount of respect and not wanting to disappoint I can't exactly explain. But I look up to you both alot, for the short journey down in 2006 to subtle understanding now.
Both of you are special not only to me, but I'm sure of this- to the whole Lee family. We love you both, loads.
,
It's pretty impossible to count atoms. Atoms which combine to form a molecule which then add up to the formation of my favourite and most sustainable thing H20. Which's why I know- there are more out there, which I didn't forget. There're just too many to list out.
It definitely does not categorize them as, less important because each atom is crucial- without one you just get either two O's, or a H0. And that's plain stupid.
"This years been pretty fast huh, girl?"
Yeah, it has. Somehow I don't think I would have made it through, this 'fast' if not for each special person. Made it through, maybe. But the 'fast' which brings a whole lot more meaning than just speed, no way. So thank you, for sustaining, supporting and pulling through- whether you knew it or didn't.
You're greatly appreciated, and I love each one of you.
Here's to an awesome 2009, God bless.

Love,
Sarah Lee.