The sitcoms turned messy, dramatic, wild and inappropriate for young minds to watch. The dialogue between them two has vulgarity, rage, tantrums, debating, rude remarks always putting the other one down. It has become an ongoing fued, an endless debate and argument which never cools down- it only heats up more.
I want Bella and Belle, to shut up- To bloody shut.up.
But, Sarah's so lost already she can't say anything anymore. Her mind isn't dead- it's just weak, powerless and like right from what Bella told her from the start, pathetic.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Missing person.
Friday, February 20, 2009
Tiny wave.
Oh hello. I am picturing me waving right now although to whom, is a blur. It's just the whole 'Oh hello' phrase probably. Anywho, thoughts-
-There're certain things bout the airport that have become so familiar it's no longer amusing anymore.
Like the way the airplanes airing smells somehow, weird. The way the toilet flushes and leaves me holding on to the sink in hopes I don't get sucked right out of the cabin through the tiny hole. The way people brush pass on their respective pda's while unconsciously walking on the travelator, the water dispensers that never cease to satisfy my bottles quench due to the water I drain from it, the flowy movement of the skirts when the Singapore airport ladies pass me.
It's definitely not that this 'familiar' has become 'unimportant'. Maybe just like so many other things in life, it's become 'too taken for granted' that it's amusement no matter how small it is, doesn't get savored or enjoyed anymore. And that, is just scary and sad. It's almost like a part of something once special and beautiful vanished- just like that.
-I don't wanna miss a thing by Aerosmith played, and I really missed you.
-Sure, tears don't have the force of a raging river. Water from my shower head is stronger than tears, even. But the strength tears have to move mentally, stumble, confuse, terrify and leave so insecure can a raging river or even my shower head never ever compare with. I don't necessarily know who the droplets come from, where the tears come from or why they're not being contained inside someone's eye ducts the way they should be when things're okay. But even with that oblivion, the power they still have is unexplainably intriguing.
-I've heard before that, "When in doubt, don't." Maybe that's why, as somehow pleasing as that sounded, as reassuring and perfectly fine, mysteriously calming as it did, I didn't need to hear it. From you, I started worrying, rejoicing and altogether felt , more muddled up than I originally had felt right after.
I'm still in doubt, high doubt. Sure, you didn't know that and I don't blame you one bit. But maybe, next time and then overtime after that- don't.
- I don't know if it's just me, or what but in Singapore, the women's faces tend to be a lot more powdered, older women dress skimpier, more men are well built, older men tend to buy 50cents coffee juust because it's cheap (daddy falls into this category) and more people walk around. Which I must say, I really like although pool water appeals to me more.
- I saw a daddy and his daughter probably aged around two. They were having a serious conversation about how the Eifel tower was very tall and located in Paris. She was sitting on his lap and he was pointing to a colourful French themed book. They were both smiling :) Soon after, the mummy walked in and handed over a pack of cigarettes to him.
I saw a pregnant mummy, probably six to seven months into pregnancy. I'm sure, it wasn't just a tummy bulge, to get to that size is impossible for anyone other than me. She was holding a cigarettes. And smoking.
How can, just how do they both do that? :(
-Everything else has been same old same old other than the fact that I have a new boy- his name is Tyler (:
He's black, sleek and sexy. Tyler's got my thoughts all inside him and I tend to press the wrong buttons on him alot, blame my klutsy massive fingers. But he's a lovely E71 to have as a replacement when my pink cell officially dies.
Another new major event that I see deem to be considered a little interesting is the fact that I got major food poisoning from O'Briens and was very nearly knocked out with the amount of times I threw up thanks to (although not confirmed)- a stupid egg mix thing.
However, now I can say, I have been on a drip before now. Daddy even took a picture contributing to my amusement when I woke up and realized I had a needle stuck through my wrist.
Headaches, bile buckets and nausea periods later I returned home to find my room smelling like chlorox or some type of cleaning agent. I'm still dizzy as I type this and I hate that I'm not allowed to swim, dangyoufoodpoisoning.
And as horible as this sounds, I am now down to having skipped school three days in a row. I do, (for the first time ever though) have an MC. I have noo idea, what that stands for come to think of it :/
-You, aren't all that confusing when put onto white paper in black ink. It's just the situation right now,that is very complicating.
'Taa, pretty.
-There're certain things bout the airport that have become so familiar it's no longer amusing anymore.
Like the way the airplanes airing smells somehow, weird. The way the toilet flushes and leaves me holding on to the sink in hopes I don't get sucked right out of the cabin through the tiny hole. The way people brush pass on their respective pda's while unconsciously walking on the travelator, the water dispensers that never cease to satisfy my bottles quench due to the water I drain from it, the flowy movement of the skirts when the Singapore airport ladies pass me.
It's definitely not that this 'familiar' has become 'unimportant'. Maybe just like so many other things in life, it's become 'too taken for granted' that it's amusement no matter how small it is, doesn't get savored or enjoyed anymore. And that, is just scary and sad. It's almost like a part of something once special and beautiful vanished- just like that.
-I don't wanna miss a thing by Aerosmith played, and I really missed you.
-Sure, tears don't have the force of a raging river. Water from my shower head is stronger than tears, even. But the strength tears have to move mentally, stumble, confuse, terrify and leave so insecure can a raging river or even my shower head never ever compare with. I don't necessarily know who the droplets come from, where the tears come from or why they're not being contained inside someone's eye ducts the way they should be when things're okay. But even with that oblivion, the power they still have is unexplainably intriguing.
-I've heard before that, "When in doubt, don't." Maybe that's why, as somehow pleasing as that sounded, as reassuring and perfectly fine, mysteriously calming as it did, I didn't need to hear it. From you, I started worrying, rejoicing and altogether felt , more muddled up than I originally had felt right after.
I'm still in doubt, high doubt. Sure, you didn't know that and I don't blame you one bit. But maybe, next time and then overtime after that- don't.
- I don't know if it's just me, or what but in Singapore, the women's faces tend to be a lot more powdered, older women dress skimpier, more men are well built, older men tend to buy 50cents coffee juust because it's cheap (daddy falls into this category) and more people walk around. Which I must say, I really like although pool water appeals to me more.
- I saw a daddy and his daughter probably aged around two. They were having a serious conversation about how the Eifel tower was very tall and located in Paris. She was sitting on his lap and he was pointing to a colourful French themed book. They were both smiling :) Soon after, the mummy walked in and handed over a pack of cigarettes to him.
I saw a pregnant mummy, probably six to seven months into pregnancy. I'm sure, it wasn't just a tummy bulge, to get to that size is impossible for anyone other than me. She was holding a cigarettes. And smoking.
How can, just how do they both do that? :(
-Everything else has been same old same old other than the fact that I have a new boy- his name is Tyler (:
He's black, sleek and sexy. Tyler's got my thoughts all inside him and I tend to press the wrong buttons on him alot, blame my klutsy massive fingers. But he's a lovely E71 to have as a replacement when my pink cell officially dies.
Another new major event that I see deem to be considered a little interesting is the fact that I got major food poisoning from O'Briens and was very nearly knocked out with the amount of times I threw up thanks to (although not confirmed)- a stupid egg mix thing.
However, now I can say, I have been on a drip before now. Daddy even took a picture contributing to my amusement when I woke up and realized I had a needle stuck through my wrist.
Headaches, bile buckets and nausea periods later I returned home to find my room smelling like chlorox or some type of cleaning agent. I'm still dizzy as I type this and I hate that I'm not allowed to swim, dangyoufoodpoisoning.
And as horible as this sounds, I am now down to having skipped school three days in a row. I do, (for the first time ever though) have an MC. I have noo idea, what that stands for come to think of it :/
-You, aren't all that confusing when put onto white paper in black ink. It's just the situation right now,that is very complicating.
'Taa, pretty.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Ohh.
Overthinking leads to worrying and I've now progressed to dreaming.
It's honestly, pretty tormenting.
.
A few times this week, I've concluded that either Caffeine, Swimming or Lack of sleep might kill me. All times, I concluded with the fact that I can't exactly do anything about it currently.
Mentally, I'm dead already.
.
I pretty much define the chicken and egg situation perfectly now. If you dictionary it, my name might just appear in the description.
.
I am not shutting out, really. I just don't know how to let in any more.
Vulnerability, Exposure and being Unsure seems way to much to handle. It always was even from the start, but I figure, that having let it down for a while it's not gone completely down the drain.
It isn't impossible to find, but it's going to be messy, grimy and slimy. Not pleasant at all.
Bella is private and secretive. Her flawed whole being, cannot be shown to anyone so she hides it in as long as she can, the best she can.
Attempting to portray picture perfect, is much less complicating then showing how despicably low she sinks skin deep. Photography, requires much less chemicals than neurology.
Picture perfect doesn't exist with Bella, hence the 'portray'. Her demure deception which deceives so deliriously well, makes my believe at times she'll be able to pull of her faux facade without people knowing or suspecting anything.
.
PE is pretty fun. When you play dodge ball with a bunch of competitive classmates, it takes fun to a whole new level consisting of trying not to get hit on the head due to both teams wanting to not loose with much (I exaggerate on the much) zest.
Half way through, YiLin shouts out- "Run, Rachel, Runn!"
And immediately, I halt and think- that's from Forest Gump. And We Three Kings, sang that line substituting 'Rachel' for 'baby' in Check Yes Juliet.
My momentary realisation nearly gets me killed as I dart out of the way very suddenly in attempt to avoid being hit from a ball.
I like dodgeball (:
.
It's like there's a sit com involving a dialogue between two seemingly similar people going on inside me.
The only thing is that noones laughing. I definitely am not, because it's not funny at all.
.
Having patronized Starbucks for a bit now, I've come to realise that there are the barristas who make decent coffee, and barristas who make you want to grind their heads in the coffee machine.
Mr. YeahSure (seeing he repeated that over and over in what turned out to be eventually a very annoying tone) pretty much pissed me today when he didn't deliver quality I expect from a company as renown as Starbucks.
Should you be someone who eventually wants to get a job at a coffee outlet- in particular Starbucks, I suggest you ensure commitment to making decent coffee which lives up to you having a name as a barrista (which I think is a pretty big honour for some reason) and you doing your job exceptionally well.
Otherwise, you leave picky people like me leaving hoping you accidentally grind your finger in the blender.
Sigh, I sometimes feel I have become such a horrible sadist :/
.
It's Valentines '♥' and that's the most I can make out of this February 14th for now.
Other than a couple of texts and a 4/5 am phone call, I don't feel anything particularly special about today- the day where florists make a ton of money and various venues are saturated with pink fluffy laced hearts.
In fact, yesterday being Friday the 13th, I felt I was more cautious in ensuring I don't accidentally injure myself. Surprisingly though, I didn't (:
I'm preparing myself to see roses around and infatuated couples holding hands, but personally I like frangipanis and discreet meaningful couple meetings in comparison.
.
It's 'tomorrow' already, 'today'.
I'd say I'm tired already, but it's forbidden in my vocabulary.
Thus, I'm feeling pretty corpse like about it. Metaphorically and mentally more than literally.
'Taa, Love.
It's honestly, pretty tormenting.
.
A few times this week, I've concluded that either Caffeine, Swimming or Lack of sleep might kill me. All times, I concluded with the fact that I can't exactly do anything about it currently.
Mentally, I'm dead already.
.
I pretty much define the chicken and egg situation perfectly now. If you dictionary it, my name might just appear in the description.
.
I am not shutting out, really. I just don't know how to let in any more.
Vulnerability, Exposure and being Unsure seems way to much to handle. It always was even from the start, but I figure, that having let it down for a while it's not gone completely down the drain.
It isn't impossible to find, but it's going to be messy, grimy and slimy. Not pleasant at all.
Bella is private and secretive. Her flawed whole being, cannot be shown to anyone so she hides it in as long as she can, the best she can.
Attempting to portray picture perfect, is much less complicating then showing how despicably low she sinks skin deep. Photography, requires much less chemicals than neurology.
Picture perfect doesn't exist with Bella, hence the 'portray'. Her demure deception which deceives so deliriously well, makes my believe at times she'll be able to pull of her faux facade without people knowing or suspecting anything.
.
PE is pretty fun. When you play dodge ball with a bunch of competitive classmates, it takes fun to a whole new level consisting of trying not to get hit on the head due to both teams wanting to not loose with much (I exaggerate on the much) zest.
Half way through, YiLin shouts out- "Run, Rachel, Runn!"
And immediately, I halt and think- that's from Forest Gump. And We Three Kings, sang that line substituting 'Rachel' for 'baby' in Check Yes Juliet.
My momentary realisation nearly gets me killed as I dart out of the way very suddenly in attempt to avoid being hit from a ball.
I like dodgeball (:
.
It's like there's a sit com involving a dialogue between two seemingly similar people going on inside me.
The only thing is that noones laughing. I definitely am not, because it's not funny at all.
.
Having patronized Starbucks for a bit now, I've come to realise that there are the barristas who make decent coffee, and barristas who make you want to grind their heads in the coffee machine.
Mr. YeahSure (seeing he repeated that over and over in what turned out to be eventually a very annoying tone) pretty much pissed me today when he didn't deliver quality I expect from a company as renown as Starbucks.
Should you be someone who eventually wants to get a job at a coffee outlet- in particular Starbucks, I suggest you ensure commitment to making decent coffee which lives up to you having a name as a barrista (which I think is a pretty big honour for some reason) and you doing your job exceptionally well.
Otherwise, you leave picky people like me leaving hoping you accidentally grind your finger in the blender.
Sigh, I sometimes feel I have become such a horrible sadist :/
.
It's Valentines '♥' and that's the most I can make out of this February 14th for now.
Other than a couple of texts and a 4/5 am phone call, I don't feel anything particularly special about today- the day where florists make a ton of money and various venues are saturated with pink fluffy laced hearts.
In fact, yesterday being Friday the 13th, I felt I was more cautious in ensuring I don't accidentally injure myself. Surprisingly though, I didn't (:
I'm preparing myself to see roses around and infatuated couples holding hands, but personally I like frangipanis and discreet meaningful couple meetings in comparison.
.
It's 'tomorrow' already, 'today'.
I'd say I'm tired already, but it's forbidden in my vocabulary.
Thus, I'm feeling pretty corpse like about it. Metaphorically and mentally more than literally.
'Taa, Love.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Hello (:
It's been nearly a week since the last time I remember. Remember what, I don't exactly know but tomorrow's another Monday and no big surprise, the Malaysian government has given us a holiday, again- Wooh (:
My phone's pretty much serves as a tiny diary seeing carrying around a notebook and pencil and the scribbling things down while I'm walking about is a little strange. Basically there's a folder in my drafts with complete gibberish, and in incomplete sentences- me talking to myself in my head put simply.
So, here's the week, and what's ran through my head and then got stored in my phone.
-My AddMaths and Physics teacher were surprisingly nice this week. Known to be pretty notorious- my AddMaths teacher has had rumours going on about her having a wig on her head, and my Physics teacher NEVER lets me go out to empty my bladder even if it means my kidneys are going to spoil.
Anywho, for some reason, they brought Chinese New Year food to class this week. This pretty big leap of change gets me hoping although I highly doubt it will happen, my moral teacher who absolutely detests my guts, will sprout strawberries pretty soon.
-The Chinese New Year food brought to class involves a substance with nuts which leads me to a pretty weird conversation with Han Wei. Out of the blue, with pure innocence seeing the poor boy was probably just hungry-
Han Wei: Sarah, do you have any nuts?
I pause. Think and then, *looks down*
Sarah: Uhh, last since the last time I checked- noo :/
-I like thrillers, chick flicks bore me to bits at times. This week, I watched Fear which had something to do with an insane psycho who turned a girlfriend into and obsession.
He dies pretty brutally, how sad.
Ohh, Mark Wahlberg (:
-My cell phone died on me very suddenly. Apparently, water seeped in somehow to through the back of my phone. Mummy, wasn't surprised at all for some reason.
I had a mini panic fit because my numbers were all stored inside, pictures and texts too but fortunately it worked after I got a new battery. Joyy (:
Made me realise, how sadly dependant and unstable I felt without my phone. Cavemen never had to worry about not being to communicate with their people. They just threw rocks and drew on the ground with sticks. What an easier sounding life, huh.
-I slept 5:30 am one of the days and woke up and hour later to the sound of my alarm clock which I thought was set half an hour earlier. What was I doing? Drawing a graph which couldn't seem to be plotted correctly.
To my surprise, I survived throughout the day feeling more energised compared to when I had had three hours of sleep the previous day.
I swear, my biological clock is so messed up.
-Caffeine has been pretty much (in metaphoric terms- *note* I. Am. Not. Addicted) my form of heroine too.
Truth be told, I'm pretty worried I'm going to start tapping the table with my fingers consecutively, unconsciously pretty soon.
-I went swimming today and from a side glance, saw a pretty muscular woman at the side of me. I assumed she was a woman because I thought I saw a top on her, and guys don't usually wear two pieces to swim. My first thought was, "Whoa, muscle". Then, I looked and halted for a split second. It wasn't a top and it wasn't a woman I thought I saw. It was chest hair :/
.
I shall 'provoke' with my imbecile-ish behaviour no further.
Sorry it's been a 'wholefreakinglife'.
I started off this post pretty sane, now I'm insanely pissed off. And you wonder why I don't communicate that much, huh?
There, I'm finally after being ohsocunning- DONE.
I'd apologise, but that'd be like uteering complete gibberish seeing I can't do anything to get fixed.
It's been nearly a week since the last time I remember. Remember what, I don't exactly know but tomorrow's another Monday and no big surprise, the Malaysian government has given us a holiday, again- Wooh (:
My phone's pretty much serves as a tiny diary seeing carrying around a notebook and pencil and the scribbling things down while I'm walking about is a little strange. Basically there's a folder in my drafts with complete gibberish, and in incomplete sentences- me talking to myself in my head put simply.
So, here's the week, and what's ran through my head and then got stored in my phone.
-My AddMaths and Physics teacher were surprisingly nice this week. Known to be pretty notorious- my AddMaths teacher has had rumours going on about her having a wig on her head, and my Physics teacher NEVER lets me go out to empty my bladder even if it means my kidneys are going to spoil.
Anywho, for some reason, they brought Chinese New Year food to class this week. This pretty big leap of change gets me hoping although I highly doubt it will happen, my moral teacher who absolutely detests my guts, will sprout strawberries pretty soon.
-The Chinese New Year food brought to class involves a substance with nuts which leads me to a pretty weird conversation with Han Wei. Out of the blue, with pure innocence seeing the poor boy was probably just hungry-
Han Wei: Sarah, do you have any nuts?
I pause. Think and then, *looks down*
Sarah: Uhh, last since the last time I checked- noo :/
-I like thrillers, chick flicks bore me to bits at times. This week, I watched Fear which had something to do with an insane psycho who turned a girlfriend into and obsession.
He dies pretty brutally, how sad.
Ohh, Mark Wahlberg (:
-My cell phone died on me very suddenly. Apparently, water seeped in somehow to through the back of my phone. Mummy, wasn't surprised at all for some reason.
I had a mini panic fit because my numbers were all stored inside, pictures and texts too but fortunately it worked after I got a new battery. Joyy (:
Made me realise, how sadly dependant and unstable I felt without my phone. Cavemen never had to worry about not being to communicate with their people. They just threw rocks and drew on the ground with sticks. What an easier sounding life, huh.
-I slept 5:30 am one of the days and woke up and hour later to the sound of my alarm clock which I thought was set half an hour earlier. What was I doing? Drawing a graph which couldn't seem to be plotted correctly.
To my surprise, I survived throughout the day feeling more energised compared to when I had had three hours of sleep the previous day.
I swear, my biological clock is so messed up.
-Caffeine has been pretty much (in metaphoric terms- *note* I. Am. Not. Addicted) my form of heroine too.
Truth be told, I'm pretty worried I'm going to start tapping the table with my fingers consecutively, unconsciously pretty soon.
-I went swimming today and from a side glance, saw a pretty muscular woman at the side of me. I assumed she was a woman because I thought I saw a top on her, and guys don't usually wear two pieces to swim. My first thought was, "Whoa, muscle". Then, I looked and halted for a split second. It wasn't a top and it wasn't a woman I thought I saw. It was chest hair :/
.
I shall 'provoke' with my imbecile-ish behaviour no further.
Sorry it's been a 'wholefreakinglife'.
I started off this post pretty sane, now I'm insanely pissed off. And you wonder why I don't communicate that much, huh?
There, I'm finally after being ohsocunning- DONE.
I'd apologise, but that'd be like uteering complete gibberish seeing I can't do anything to get fixed.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Confrontation.
I know Belle.
Belle’s a girl and like any other girl- she has things she likes in particular. She likes these certain things so much, you could actually say she loves them.
Belle loves the long wavy hair, sun kissed tan, summer dress, flip flops look and mango cocoa butter by the beach smell.
She loves long lean legs, tight toned stomach abbs, and thin toned arms. She loves the high cheekboned bronzed, sharp heart face and au natural with shadowy eyes look.
Belle thinks Gisele Bundchen is gorgeous, and has a body and looks bordering the ‘contemplating killing for’ genre.
Belle adores, H20- drinking it, the pool, the beach, raindrops and showering. She wouldn’t call it orgasmic because she doesn’t exactly know how that feels yet, but it’s her closest thing to bliss on earth.
Belle knows someone; let’s call her Ms. Splendid, in which she sees so much potential, beauty and individuality. Belle loves Ms. Splendid and knows she wants to be an ever ready source of encouragement, support and place in which Ms. Splendid can rely on for care and love when she needs it.
Belle loves healthy. Healthy which includes a vast range of nearly, everything. Antioxidants, natural vibrant colours, lowlowlow, detoxifying green tea. She swims, she runs and she moves. Because it distracts, blocks out, helps, feels amazing and is all in all- beautiful. Healthy to Belle, is necessary to make nearly everything right.
Belle has a family. A family which supports, loves and incorporates the right morals and teachings because they rely on a sturdy, loving and faithful God who knows the future better than they ever could. A family which has their own flaws, just like any other, but have the advantage of fixing problems, cleaning up messes with the help of that big God who works better than the strongest hardware and strongest bleach ever could.
Belle, is very insecure.
She detests mirrors because they make her think too much, and reflect back too much light allowing her to see images on the shiny surface. She detests feeling things within a mere nanometer radius of herself because this ‘thing’ covering her entire structure feels despicable, grotesque and jelly-like.
Unlike how she swirls on paper and sometimes makes mistakes- yet can erase them off with an eraser, this ‘thing’ covering her body cannot be erased and made to vanish, or ever just be reduced. This makes her unhappy, sad and disgusted.
That’s- Belle.
.
I know Bella, and Bella is alot like Belle.
Bella’s a girl and like any other girl- she has things she likes in particular. She likes these certain things so much, you could actually say she loves them. Needs them.
-Bella loves the long wavy hair, sun kissed tan, summer dress, flip flops look and mango cocoa butter by the beach smell.
-Belle strives for the long lean legs, tight toned stomach abbs, and thin toned arms. The high cheekboned bronzed, sharp heart face and au natural with shadowy eyes look. She never achieves it and that makes her derange-ly mad, despicably unhappy and exceedingly insecure. Nevertheless, she keeps striving, pushing, hoping and she then raises her determination a level higher.
-Bella loves Gisele Bundchen. Examining and analyzing her perfectly sculpted body leaves her wishing bodies could be moulded from plasticine and then transformed into flesh. She is envious and puts it under the ‘worth sacrificing a whole lot for’ genre, without a doubt.
-Bella knows someone; let’s call her Ms. Splendid who she sees as spotless. As much as she loves Ms. Splendid she finds it hard, tiring and way too tedious trying to do the right thing and have the right attitude. As grotesque as it sounds, envy makes loving and supporting nearly impossible in an almost self-centered and egoistic manner.
The truth of the matter which doesn’t get portrayed as it is unfortunately, is that Bella is purely terrified and insecure of what will happen when Ms, Splendid blossoms, blooms and leaves her withering and wilting behind.
-Bella loves healthy. It is a necessity which is crucial in making everything go right, and preventing her ‘already too much’ to multiply as fast as fungi does on exposed bread. It doesn’t decrease, but maintaining seems alot more appealing than increasing.
-Bella has a family. Loathsome as it is, she takes this precious gift too much for granted at times. Expecting, and disapproving for the sake of her succumbing to opposition many a time.
-Bella, is very insecure.
-She abhorrers, despises, detests, scorns any reflective object.
Were her human form paper-esque including the possibility of it being erased or modified, she would without a doubt erase, liquid out and then shred into pieces to be burnt in as trashcan. Or, stab it with a poky pencil- again, and again.
That’s Bella.
.
Hello, my name is Sarah.
Right now, in all honesty and with much strain- that is the most I can tell you without having to hesitate and wonder if it’s a mere facade.
That is the only thing I am certain and sure about. Everything else is blurry, foggy and uncertain.
Because I am uncertain, unsettled and feeling obscure. About, I have absolutely everything, that I have no idea about.
That’s- all I have to say.
Belle’s a girl and like any other girl- she has things she likes in particular. She likes these certain things so much, you could actually say she loves them.
Belle loves the long wavy hair, sun kissed tan, summer dress, flip flops look and mango cocoa butter by the beach smell.
She loves long lean legs, tight toned stomach abbs, and thin toned arms. She loves the high cheekboned bronzed, sharp heart face and au natural with shadowy eyes look.
Belle thinks Gisele Bundchen is gorgeous, and has a body and looks bordering the ‘contemplating killing for’ genre.
Belle adores, H20- drinking it, the pool, the beach, raindrops and showering. She wouldn’t call it orgasmic because she doesn’t exactly know how that feels yet, but it’s her closest thing to bliss on earth.
Belle knows someone; let’s call her Ms. Splendid, in which she sees so much potential, beauty and individuality. Belle loves Ms. Splendid and knows she wants to be an ever ready source of encouragement, support and place in which Ms. Splendid can rely on for care and love when she needs it.
Belle loves healthy. Healthy which includes a vast range of nearly, everything. Antioxidants, natural vibrant colours, lowlowlow, detoxifying green tea. She swims, she runs and she moves. Because it distracts, blocks out, helps, feels amazing and is all in all- beautiful. Healthy to Belle, is necessary to make nearly everything right.
Belle has a family. A family which supports, loves and incorporates the right morals and teachings because they rely on a sturdy, loving and faithful God who knows the future better than they ever could. A family which has their own flaws, just like any other, but have the advantage of fixing problems, cleaning up messes with the help of that big God who works better than the strongest hardware and strongest bleach ever could.
Belle, is very insecure.
She detests mirrors because they make her think too much, and reflect back too much light allowing her to see images on the shiny surface. She detests feeling things within a mere nanometer radius of herself because this ‘thing’ covering her entire structure feels despicable, grotesque and jelly-like.
Unlike how she swirls on paper and sometimes makes mistakes- yet can erase them off with an eraser, this ‘thing’ covering her body cannot be erased and made to vanish, or ever just be reduced. This makes her unhappy, sad and disgusted.
That’s- Belle.
.
I know Bella, and Bella is alot like Belle.
Bella’s a girl and like any other girl- she has things she likes in particular. She likes these certain things so much, you could actually say she loves them. Needs them.
-Bella loves the long wavy hair, sun kissed tan, summer dress, flip flops look and mango cocoa butter by the beach smell.
-Belle strives for the long lean legs, tight toned stomach abbs, and thin toned arms. The high cheekboned bronzed, sharp heart face and au natural with shadowy eyes look. She never achieves it and that makes her derange-ly mad, despicably unhappy and exceedingly insecure. Nevertheless, she keeps striving, pushing, hoping and she then raises her determination a level higher.
-Bella loves Gisele Bundchen. Examining and analyzing her perfectly sculpted body leaves her wishing bodies could be moulded from plasticine and then transformed into flesh. She is envious and puts it under the ‘worth sacrificing a whole lot for’ genre, without a doubt.
-Bella knows someone; let’s call her Ms. Splendid who she sees as spotless. As much as she loves Ms. Splendid she finds it hard, tiring and way too tedious trying to do the right thing and have the right attitude. As grotesque as it sounds, envy makes loving and supporting nearly impossible in an almost self-centered and egoistic manner.
The truth of the matter which doesn’t get portrayed as it is unfortunately, is that Bella is purely terrified and insecure of what will happen when Ms, Splendid blossoms, blooms and leaves her withering and wilting behind.
-Bella loves healthy. It is a necessity which is crucial in making everything go right, and preventing her ‘already too much’ to multiply as fast as fungi does on exposed bread. It doesn’t decrease, but maintaining seems alot more appealing than increasing.
-Bella has a family. Loathsome as it is, she takes this precious gift too much for granted at times. Expecting, and disapproving for the sake of her succumbing to opposition many a time.
-Bella, is very insecure.
-She abhorrers, despises, detests, scorns any reflective object.
Were her human form paper-esque including the possibility of it being erased or modified, she would without a doubt erase, liquid out and then shred into pieces to be burnt in as trashcan. Or, stab it with a poky pencil- again, and again.
That’s Bella.
.
Hello, my name is Sarah.
Right now, in all honesty and with much strain- that is the most I can tell you without having to hesitate and wonder if it’s a mere facade.
That is the only thing I am certain and sure about. Everything else is blurry, foggy and uncertain.
Because I am uncertain, unsettled and feeling obscure. About, I have absolutely everything, that I have no idea about.
That’s- all I have to say.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Round, O Round.
Obese,
Obsessive,
Over thinker,
Oblivious,
Obstacle,
Obituary,
Ogre-esque,
Objecting,
Opposes,
Obliging,
Overwhelmed,
Ornery,
Observes,
Overwork,
Obscure,
Off.
Oh, myy :/
Obsessive,
Over thinker,
Oblivious,
Obstacle,
Obituary,
Ogre-esque,
Objecting,
Opposes,
Obliging,
Overwhelmed,
Ornery,
Observes,
Overwork,
Obscure,
Off.
Oh, myy :/
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