Here, There and Everywhere.

I won't say I'm the biggest David Archuleta fan out there, I actually won't even consider myself even a big fan. Well, literally is a different story, but metaphorically speaking it was only the week before his concert that I started getting a little hyped up, started listening to his songs and through Rachel Ho- started knowing information I've never know about him before. Like that he's a mormon. Mm (:

The day before, PauLing and Rachel made plans for what they would do in order to gurantee front row seats- like camp out at 8am in the morning when the actualy concert started at three.
Which then left us, along with a camera in our hands during class- these videos.
Take 1.
You can hear, the bell rang halfway which explains why we had to stand up and smile at the teacher who left our class giving us the cock eyed stare.

Take, 2 (: You can see we're both basically talking about the same lameass things but we switched sides- so there you have a difference (:
And you can also see Teck Yan, the tall one giving us the cock eyed stare here. His punishment was staring as a guest on another video we made which will, becoming soon. I hope (:
We're not weird. We are normal- and he is way too tall (:
"Heyy- Teck Yan, know one good thing about being short? I can fit through more doors than you (:"

Ouside, before going in-
I came later than the bunch of them having been the lunch lady and although they were ahead in line, some guard didn't allow me to join them at first. Thanks to a whole in the fence( here's to Malaysian fences) I managed to join them when Mr. Guard went to deal with another group of people at the back of the line.

And before he came onto the stage, while watching four local artist( I have no idea who they are mind you)

All in all, I must say he was very good. David Archuleta sounds amazing in real life, I detest lip singing renditions because well- that just isn't the artist then is it. It's a little like paying to hear an audio device, but being an Idol performer, he did splendid in his red checked shirt and skinny jeans.
He looked adorable in real life and I loved how he giggled everytime there was a long scream let out by the audience. Lareina says, "It's almost as if he's still not used to this whole famous thing." and I think that is what I really like (:
So here's to David for doing a great job-and the people who made it an awesome day.
'-cause if I do, it'll all be over.'
.
Webcaming with Tan Yi Lin leads to this.
Yi Lin: Why is it so bright?
Sarah: Sun tanning (:.
I quote Barney.
'Groo-owing, we do it eve-ery-dayy.'
Screw Barney :/
'Taa lovely.

Not extinct, yet (:

Hello, it's been over a week and for some reason I feel obliged to at least enter an entry. Seeing Tyler has been a practical life saver with the computer being a complete moron lately, there're jists of the past week stored inside him. So here it goes- :)

*
Finding a word to describe Sundays for the past few months have been pretty confusing. I think, it's because I'm not sure how exactly to face the upcoming week, or forget the one that has just passed. Depending on how the past week went, I usually either regret decisions made, or categorize them, as- whatever, deemed 'okay' to forget. The past few months in all honesty, have not been lived, life, loved. They have been about contemplations, choices, worries and decision making. Excruciatingly brain wrecking, yet tiring is still a taboo word. A word that I cannot bring myself to own because being an all or nothing person- the extreme hasn't seemed to be reached at this point. The irony of it is, that I know how extreme is. I know how it takes a toll downhill so slyly, deceits unconsciously and lies so perfectly it makes it seems like there is nothing wrong with it. I know, how extreme without any bargains always end up as two steps back in sequence to the one step which was hard enough to take forward. And with all of this, I know I am still in a borderline state of mine to know it is too tedious, cumbersome and definitely something unwanted- to seep down that far again and have to climb back up.
This, 'rut' though, is similar to a web which traps one so tightly that getting out srrms nearly impossible. Almost as if trying to run away from something on a treadmill- no matter how fast or high the numbers go, yo don't seem to move anywhere despite the exhaustion that comes eventually.
As for the week that is to come, I categorize it as scary, terrifying or excruciatingly hard work. I cannot predict in exact detail how it is going to turn out, what challenges are going to come out of the blue and how strong Bella and Belle will battle in my head. It is extremely horrifying, to have to admit this- but it seems that Sarah is slipping away week by week. She sometimes maintains a good enough grip to hold on, at least have opinions about things that should 'really' matter but this endless fued the two 'Bee's have been having seems like it is slowly draining her, or at least bruising the fingers on which she still tries to hold on tightly to the bar too.
They say, perfection doesn't exist. It is equivalent to building castles in the sky, or dreaming fairytales in hopes when one wakes up, everything will be cotton candy pink and horses will fly. Impossible to achieve, yet strived by so many.
"What is, perfect to you."
"What do you actually want, then?"
With tears and white blood cells being depleted from a hollow bloated body came a small yet definite- "I don't know. I really actually, don't know."
Stupid, senseless and absurd are the words I'd use to describe that conversation. Maybe not the questions asked, but the answer given.
I was disappointed, because although something this big had been a major dilemma for the past few months, an exact source or a distinctive culprit could not be pin pointed. Without a reason, a solution was hard to come up with. A definite answer, motivation to work with and goal to achieve with genuine determination could not be defined. This leaves everything hanging in the air, ambivalence going round and round in circles, and unhappy being the root of a facade which depicts- 'I'm okay'.
Bella and Belle have become the main actors in this skit. Sarah, has diminished to playing the role as a clad in black prop person. Thing about this play, is that as the scenes evolve, the props that are needed seem to be get less, and less. Leaving her role, clad in black to fade into the curtains more and more progressively.
She isn't seeking attention, that is the least of her wants I am assured. But she likes the idea of at least, black. The positive qualities it is claimed to own. And maybe, despite not wanting to even set foot on stage right now- seeing her name in the credits in the tiniest font if possible, actually seems a little captivating. Tempting to want again, because despite the many cons of having her name mentioned in black and white, she misses- parts of it. The parts that are not confusing, simple, not as tiring, 'normal'.
*
Speaking of Tyler, I had to take him to the doctors mid week. 'Doctors' without any exaggeration because the phone repair shop was called- Phone Clinic. Talk about cheesy :) Tyler being messed up for awhile, made me realize how I've pretty attached to him since I got him. So much so that without his memory, I felt pretty disorientated. Sighh, Tyler-nology :)
*
Learning to forget, doesn't seem to make much sense.
But I'm happy, seeing what I saw.
I'm happy the tension and confusion is although still there, a little less.
I'm relieved, I hear and read alot less now- allowing the thinking to be a little more, little.
The thing I cannot exactly seem to grasp, fully understand is when I thought- 'I feel nothing anymore'. That, I cannot categorize as a good or bad thing.
I must say, it's relieving in many ways. Yet I sometimes question myself on how sane I actually was, or how faux my facade was.
*
-I have been inspired by an awesome someone.
Tattoo, tattoo :)
-I have been amused, by someone else.
"I've got something to tell you! I've got something to tell you! I was taking my driving lesson right and- I knocked and killed a pigeon.
-I confirm, my quirk is that despite my slight disbelief in the eyelashes theory, where they say blowing an eyelash grants one wish- whenever an eyelashes comes off my eyelid, I don't feel comfortable if I do not make a wish and blow it away. Call it superstitious, I actually categorize it as slightly psycho.
-I realise, how my subtle paranoia to want to ask you, that question is at the end of the day immensely nerve wrecking, brain exhausting, painful.
-I had a random conversation with Rachel and Han Wei, we comes to a conclusion that his brain if it were to be put in a pie chart form would be 50 percent computer games, 45 percent anime and the 5 percent left would be- 'others' :)
Sarah: Ohh, hey analyze my brain.
Rachel: Your brain would be 100 percent... 'others'.
:)
-I am bouncing back and forth in terms of decision making and it I'd starting to loose its security and starting to feel frustrating as sh*t.
And because I promised a long way back, I'm starting to feel the conscience kick in so here, are pictures months late.
Chinese New Year '09.
(wayy back)
Day1.

Day 2.

Day 3.

Day 4, or after.

There, you have it.
*
Life, Love, Live.
'Taa, lovely.
Love, SarahLee.

Middle.

On a good day, I don't hear my alarm clock ring although I wake up half an hour before and I wake up slightly late. As usual, I'm a tad bit late for school- but today there's abundant rubbish on the floor and my Bio teacher is somewhat- I couldn't care less, and I walk into class without handing her a late slip, and still make it in time for a Bio exam which doesn't seem too gibberish.
On a good day, my Moral teacher is a complete monster as usual- picking on me with her beady eyes and tightly wrapped head (which we never know, might be covering actually covering a bald scalp) I get annoyed and resort to drawing a figurine to avoid looking at her and I'm boiling inside. But talking to Rachel Ho somehow diverts it after a little while and I somewhat forget she's muttering something about social and economic matters which I couldn't care less about at that moment.
On a good day- after recess is laid back and being free with a camera in hand, we start making pretty lame ass videos imitating the Nickelodeon sitcom I-Carly, interviewing a crippled person along with a line of other random people and saying hello in as many languages possible. All this, with an unknown teacher sitting in front glaring once in a while yet not being too bothered to say anything as she's marking a stack of papers.
Of course, there are hiccups and bumps along the way. Junctions to make decisions at and thoughts which take as long as a traffic light does when you're in a rush to make it to someplace crucially. "Mummy, do I look like- fa*." Asking, knowing that whatever answer given would still sound horrible sounds pretty pointless. But not asking leaves the wondering going round and round, mirrors avoided again and again and the terror of it all remaining in a serotonin depleted brain.
On a good day though, my Starbucks barrister isn't what they call- noob and understands the certain criteria I want my drink done by. Bittersweet, caffeine. 'Artificial perk' is what Mummy calls it- either way, it's still perk (:
On a good day, it rains hippopotamus-ly with wind, leaves and mist sweeping around. The type of rain I like and an additional point on this 'good' day is that it's also at a good timing. Because after awhile, the hippos become lighter and they eventually start floating and stop dropping.
On a good day, I finish editing a bunch of pictures which have been under the genre- will do later. They're not perfect because I don't exactly know how Caspian works with certain lighting but they're colourful enough and have my favourite water-esque people captured in them. I also manage to download the eerie yet captivating Adam Lamberts- Mad World which somehow represents the insanity life's been feeling like at certain times lately and I play it over and over, not getting sick of it. Yet, maybe.
On a good day, the rain has stopped, the sun isn't exactly out but it isn't dark and gloomy. And water, well- water (:
On a good day, Rachel and me have our usual overly sarcastic conversation accompanied with our side glares. "Guess what Sarah, I'm going to see you tonight. And tomorrow. And then Sunday. Monday. Tuesday. Wednesday. Thursday. Friday. *Rolls eyes*"
Arriving in church, I spot her, roll my eyes and take my seat next to her. Again. (:
And we're so amazed,
And we give you praise-
That You would save us, at such a cost.
On a good day, my conversations are completely stupid and thinking back- I can't even remember what I talked about. But they're conversations- which means they don't come to a halt that fast. As stupid as the certain topics may be.
On a good day, it's late and I want so badly to get reassurance for a question I know 'shouldn't' be bothering me as much yet it still does. A question I know will not make any difference either answer I hear yet need to ask it because. But there're bright yellow lights, not white blinding fluorescent ones. There're people around so quiet doesn't sound so ear piercing and scary gets a little distracted- just a little. My honey lemon tea has a pretty captivating description and it's under the nutrition section, plus they buy wholemeal bread. Eeh :/
On a good day, the moon is round. Yet, it's not that often you see a full moon. Irony does it's weird thing as always just this time it doesn't seem as- ironic.
.
Scott MacIntyre gets voted off Idol and I tell Sandra. I'm not exactly a big fan of him and I have stated my point clearly to her before, but in this conversation she very apparently forgets.
Sandra does not know who gets voted off Idol so I do my guessing game with her. She omes up with a bunch of names- yet does not mention Scott's name as it has clearly slipped her mind and here is how it sounds. Hee-la-ree-us.
Guess who la, I don't exactly like him very much.
Oh, so it's a he. Umm, *she lists out all the names of the guys' except Scott's*
Uhh, no. C'mon it's kind of obvious- I think. His name's appeared on bottom three before.
*she lists out all the names of the guys' except Scott's, again.*
Scotts name- is Scott MacIntyre and I decide to give her a clue. I'm on the verge of frustration yet refuse to give her an actualy name so I say-
Okay think of a car. What do cars have, San?
Umm, Windows? Mirrors? Wheels?
Okay what's another word for wheels?
Umm, Windows? Mirrors? Wheels?
Another word for wheeels, Sandra :/
Umm, Roda? (which's wheels in Malay, durr) Umm,
and here comes the kick of it-
Ohh! Roundd! Lil' Rounds got kicked off Idol! :D
*slaps head*
-____-
.
Know how watches beep when it comes to a certain time at night? Mummy has hers on her wrist and at 12 midnight, it starts beeping.
And it continues- beeping. And beeping. And beeping.
Mummy, you're uhh- beeping.
She looks at herself up and down. Her arm with her beeping watch right is across her shoulder under her chin.
Uhh, noo- that's not my handphone?
Maybe because, it's your watch Mummy?
She looks up and down with a puzzled look on her face.
Uhm, on your wrist? Right under your chin? :)
Can't blame her- it's midnight, like I said.
.
David Archuleta is performing in approximately thirteen hours and I know two of his songs. I should put his cd on and listen to the whole album in this time I still have left so I don't look completely disorientated by then. I'm- jittery though (:
It's weird, how good days can still give me a humongous worry that it won't continue on once the clock reaches 12 and the date changes by a digit/ digits. Thus, I cannot categorize it under good, or bad. How typical.
Pictures're up and on the way, do wait for them (:
'Taa lovely.

Weak. Week.

Tuesday, 31/03/2009.
I realised, that without Blogger auto correcting my spelling mistakes, what I type out coming from my brain would sound uber gibberish. Because really, my spelling sarkss. :)
*
I saw a bat as a I was walking back outside and I thought it looked pretty spunky with it's unique shaped wings and black fluttery silhouette. Had it been more than one bat though, I knew I would have frozen in my steps and probably crawled back home on the gravel road covering my head like it would make a difference, should the bat swarm mistake me for a watermelon- seeing they're herbivors. Think, Sarah acting like a duck. Interesting, no? :)
*
I step into the house and it smells funny. Walking into the kitchen wanting a cup of H2o, I see the oven light switched on and inside are round brown disk shaped things which I think may be cookies. I pause, and think- those are some weeird smelling cookies :/"Mummy, what are you doing to the oven?" this takes the prize for the most interesting answer of the day- "It's noodles."
How, I ask you does my mummy come up with the idea of baking- noodles?
"Ohh, it was a recipe gone wrong. So we decided to improvise. :)"
So I pretty much conclude, if you ever mix something wrongly and the ingredients get messed up, just bake it! The heat probably solves everything. Noodles, eeehh :s
*
Our Moral project in school requires aimless posing with a family member while doing something productive. This, is to merely show good cultivation of Moral habits. (Ppft) Jack finished his project and we were scanning though it, there were pictures of him posing with his mum.
Soon after while a random conversation was going on, I stated an opinion not reffering to anyone/anything in particular. "Know how guys are usually taller and overpower their mums? I think that's a pretty cute look :)"
The boy's brains (HanWei's in particular) analyzes that statement almost immediately like this- I quote HanWei, "Heyy, I should hang out with my Mum more! :D"
Sighh, HanWeiHanWei.
*
I see Rachel Ho during the week on school, for five days. During the weekends, I see her on Saturday and also on Sunday. This scenario has caused statements such as, "What, do you guys still talk about?", on Sundays when we're in conversation,"Do you guys still have things to talk about even now?" and I swear I remember someone once even asking-"Do you feel like killing each other." to which we both kind of replied, O_O
The answer to those questions are- everything, yes, and no. To add to all that, here's another little amazing fact. It was picture day today, and in the third row on the left and side- I was standing right next, to Rachel Ho. How bewildering, can things get :)
*
I saw a girl wearing a shirt and it said- I'm too sexy for this shirt.
My first thought, was- then, why are you wearing it? :/
Friday, 03/03/2009.
Circles to represent faces, upward curves to represent smiles. The familiar illustration representing happy something, something that I wasn't exactly feeling at four am in the morning. At least, they weren't sad faces. You couldn't tell how emotionally unbalanced,tired, confused, zoned out and just jaded, the illustrator behind the happy faces was. That was good, at least that was hidden.
The clock ticked away and I thought, worried and wondered about a few hours from now. Tickets for two women, instead of a teenager and a man. This time, I had to figure, predict and expect the unexpected without having backup to my frequently asked- "What do you think this time." question.
An hour and forty-five minutes later I was up again, my eyes felt icy and my contact lens were like plastic glass on the surface of my eyes. It hurt, but the lack of sleep and overthinking left a walking dummy feeling yet not exactly experiencing- numb.
Crunch cereal, crunch. Move, feet move. Scale, stupid stupid, scale.
Wanting to reach out and grab that familiar small hand like I would have so easily, rest me head on her petite shoulder and feel her embrace my bigger than hers body was something that could not be done as easily, simply as when my pink overalls and dresses they picked hung in my cupboard. Ethical, is that the word? Proper, womanly- being a grown up did not categorize all the above actions. Leaving what was already seemingly messed up, I pushed behind those urges and clouded my mind with building castles in the air. Blocking everything out with the soft clouds all plain white that didn't show anything, hence blocking out the need to analyze, wonder and think.
Nicole, Love :) was the main happy factor to my day. My day where Zara, FarEast and Orchard lay back so far away. I miss you, gorgeous. And it was great seeing you after ages.
Guessing games are fun, they're the closest thing to taking risks without getting hurt because guesses, aren't exactly tangible. When they have to do with up, down and numbers though, they sort of lose their thrill and just narrow down to a mindwrecking game of bad, worse or worst. Well, currently it's in that genre- sometimes mundane but bright has been dark for awhile now.
Limitations, boundaries, rules. Set by familiar stern tones, serious faces and decided minds. Minds that would not contemplate, bargain and budge no matter how hard, logical or reasonable an idea seemed to be.
I was tired, overly worked up about unworked and it was a little like hearing but not listening. I knew, what those words meant, I knew how those tasks were to complete and I knew I didn't like them. I didn't like the absence of smiles, lack of enthusiasm and hollowed individual so robot-esque in that purple chair. She was mundane, tired, unsure if she was over/underworld- jaded.
Air is lighter than water, but it causes balloons to swell and waterballoons are generally smaller than your average helium balloon. Big, expanded and round- helium balloon. It's ironic, but that is the fact of the matter. The grotesque, mindboggling, unexplainable fact of the matter in metaphorical terms.
Zoned out, tired, jaded. Jaded, and faded.
Too many mirrors, reflecting too many thoughts, and too much light bouncing back to my dry eyes causing the cobalt blue figure to disgust, cut, pierce, hurt. Too, much. Way, too much. How, can you just not see and understand that? :/
"You're an adult. And adults make reasonable, logical and practical decisions."
Her familiar small hand, petite shoulder and bigger than my body embrace. Something that an adult, would not do maybe. Something in that hollow, robot-esque and jaded state I could not do. As much as I wondered, and wanted to. Something that I know would not remove or solve anything, but would at least bring the pink overalls and dresses which seemed and used to be so much- easier, closer back then.
I'm a helium balloon, and I wish I would just- pop.
Saturday, 04/03/2009.
Romeo 'sitting in his corner. He's quiet, not causing any trouble and it's almost as if, I forget he's even there. The lack of barks, yelps or grunts expel the need of us wondering if he's up to mischief by wrecking the house apart- peeing, biting, gnawing. He's not disturbing any of us, so we assume nothing is wrong, he's under control and fine.
Mummy walks past, glances at him and then looks away. She pauses, turns back and sternly calls him by his name. Romeo, despite his silence isn't being all that innocent- in his mouth is a string which will choke him if he swallows it and it goes down the wrong tunnel. It's already wrapped around his teeth and getting it out is already hard enough work as it is, but he makes it even more difficult and starts putting up a fight.
Sitting in his corner, a spot he has grown very comfortable with, with a string in his mouth wrapped around his teeth, mummy goes over and bends down while trying to coax him to let go of the string in his mouth. He doesn't budge and continues to shut his mouth and look up at her with his brown button eyes which tell of something wrong, yet refuse to succumb into letting the string go.
He wasn't disturbing anyone around him, he found the string which noone else would probably want to use and he was silent. Yet, here mummy was trying to take it from him and remove this one thing that he found to be interesting, entertaining, safe
"Romeo, let it go boy. You're going to choke if you continue biting it. After, you'll get sick and won't feel good boy." that's where mummy comes from.
She tries the first time with the- lets be nice, method. Coaxing him gently, giving him pats on his head and reassuring him that he is a good boy she tries to get him to let go of the string. This even goes as far as to offering him a biscuit, should he give her the string and release it from his tiny mouth.
This, does not work though and she begins to get a little more firm sounding in her tone and choice of words. Vice versa, he staits to get a little more defensive and growls a little, yet at the same time gives little cries as if to bargain and question why mummy is trying to take the string away from him. His, safe string.
This second method, doesn't work either and finally it comes down to pure sternness in her tone, words and mannerism. She sounds not harsh- but firm. Her hands are not hard- but strong. And she is not angry- she is purely decided on removing the string from his mouth to be a must. No bargains, no negotiations- it, comes, out.
Romeo then takes his small growls and little cries to a whole new level too. He begins growling more ferociously and his cries have vanished, being replaced with small grunts and even tiny barks. He shakes about in his corner as mummy tries to get his to shake the string out of his mouth and all off a sudden, I hear him let out a fierce sounding growl and show his tiny little stallagtite and stallagmite-esque little teeth as a clear indication of defense to mummy. Both sides, are now agitated.
This act of defense gets mummy to method four- where she puts herself in control and removes all possible forms of gentle coaxing and giving in. Yet, her aim remains the same as it had right in the beginning. "..you'll get sick and won't feel good boy."
Romeo senses her serious, I'm not playing with you anymore tone and he halts his barks and growls when he realised he isn't going to be able to move out of his corner unless he removes the string from his mouth. Or, lets mummy, remove it from his mouth.
You'd wonder why Romeo didn't just let it go in the first place, and why it took mummy three stages before finally putting herself in control and completely leaving him no say whatsoever in deciding whether he gets to keep it or not. Wonder why it took four stages for the string to finally come out of his mouth and mummy getting emotionally angry, stern and firm for him to release and give in to her.
Letting go of the string would've been the easiest thing to do as it seems, doesn't it. Solves the whole problem, eliminates the frustration and unnecessary anger from both parties. Thing is, with the string having embedded itself in Romeo's teeth seeing it had been a little while that he was playing with it, I doubt it would've come out that easily anyway. It had entwined itself around his little calcium carbonated tooth, secured itself in nooks where it was comfortably rested thus releasing it took a whole lot more effort than just- pulling it out and throwing it away.
Romeo can control what he picks up and puts into his mouth. He can choose what he downs and consumes if he wants too. But sometimes, being a dog- puppy as he sometimes seems, it doesn't get further than point look and eat before he realised what dangerous object is in his mouth. By then, it has presencespread through his saliva and he would already have tasted it.
He isn't being bad, is he? The way I see it, it is his very natural instinct to react as such.
Would you blame the string either though? For making itself look so appealing, fun, attractive- yet causing the whole issue where tempers get stirred up, after it embedds itself, firmly and decisively in the spaces of Romeo's teeth? The piece of white, pure, innocent string which ended up causing so much more than it looked capable of doing?
*
A few Nepalese people shared in church today, and I must say it was good. Got the brain thinking as much as I feel it is already messed up, which I guess is a good sign.
Reminds me of how easy things are said than done, how fast things get taken for granted rather than appreciated at times. Halfway through, Rachel made a comment- "Heyy, he has a Nepalese accent! :)" I looked at her and replied- "Heyy, maybe it's because he's from Nepal!" :D
*
Lord, we stand by grace in your presence.
Bed. Early. Messed Up.
Expanding since awakening, Deposition increasing by the minute- tangible and real, Tight muscle contractions, Hurting veins, Swollen eyes, Chapped lips, Dry throat, Disorientated mind.
Texts. Number- that number. Unreplied, unanswered. Because, they're unrepliable, unanswerable at such a disorientated state.
I wonder, when this too much to handle will start to shrink. I wonder if it ever will, and whether these barriers which've been set up by- I'm not too sure by who even, will eventually crumble at a pace which is fast enough, yet slow enough also to be considered as moving yet time consuming enough to see- laugh, love, live.
I wonder, where it all went wrong. How it got this messed up, confusing, tormentous, painful, nearly out of control. I wonder, and wish I didn't have too.
.
This is starting too become too many words, even for me to handle.
Mmph.
'Taa love.