To Write Love On Her Arms.

To know, that this is just a sub topic of this webpage. Yet, it still is a part, aspect, piece, fragment that is related.

To know, I am not ready.
To listen, read and understand to a certain extent of only half and maybe a little more, of what the whole actually is.
To be somewhat inspired, a little confused and in a state of pure un-understandable understanding.
To know, that life is so much more complicated than what it is portrayed to just be sometimes. Until, something unexplainabley confusing, bone chilling and hard to decipher hits one at an unexpected moment.
To battle a day, excited yet scared of thoughts that will run through, be fought with and creep up without any warning.
To know, I am not fully ready- yet for life, this cannot remain stagnant.
To hate, knowing the hard truth of it all. That the ability for something to remain smooth all the time is impossible. The ability for an effort to be effortless is never going to happen.
To know despite all that, despite all the mixed jumbled up thoughts that keep the extreme sanity for being present- I am glad that this exist.
To know, that this is real.
To Write Love On Her Arms.

-and feel it hurt.

I have this strong sudden urge to take up Muay Thai Kickboxing.
Jillian Michaels has the nicest abbs.
I feel like lying in the middle of the empty Sahara desert and toasting myself. The closest to that back home, is lying in the middle of my fake grass garden. Thing is, I have poke-y grass :/
And most importantly- I missmissmiss, miss my H20 so badly. I could kill for it, I think.
One more week. One, frickin gruesome week.
"IthinkIcan. Ithink,Ican." :/

Masquerade at Twilight.

It must have been exams the week before that unconsciously really tired me out, but that Friday night surprisingly despite the slight anxiety I had no trouble sleeping at all.

I woke up the next morning and wondered why I wasn't in my uniform. Then, I realized it was Saturday morning. Twilight would come in just a few hours. Jittery yet anticipating the unknown, I put on my baggy shirt and denim shorts then laid out what I planned to wear for that night. Pitch black against my hot pink bed sheets outlined with strings and hints of white shiny pearls. My interpretation of, Twilight.
In a random conversation with Ivan he once told me, that I'm a tanned vampire- "You know, y'sleep so late, but you're so dark :)" Go figure.
The sun was out and the rays on my skin which I have been told a thousand times are- cancer causing couldn't have been a better distraction. The cool liquid amidst the heat was such an additional benefit that it calmed down till I nearly reached a point blank. This time though, it was more serene than sadistic.

Shower, Smell, Spritz, Smile. I tried to block the 'crap' out of my wrap and focused on the fact that even if the outcome was bad- the people around would be the best distraction that I could ask for. Thus, my 'wrap' wasn't as 'crap' as Bella said it would be.
Masquerade masks, Christmas lights and small talk with Daddy on the roof was the best appetizer I would have ever thought of. It's in small talk sometimes, that the biggest impacts get left behind.

My all time favourite lookalikes arrived and in the middle of Kara Dioguardi, Bikini girl, Adams birdcage on his shoulders and Simon Cowell- we blew (PauLing I italicized that for you :p) balloons, filled up cups of water, lit candles, attempted to stay positive with the negative charges we saw in the lightning clouds from the roof and got dolled up.
The 'S' and 'W' representing Slut and Whore in our everlasting SAW trio arrived looking gorgeous and after showering down, meddling with pearls, growing an automatic four inches taller and eye itching eye shadow- Twilight started.
The masquerade masks Daddy and me hung up.

Pre- Twilight.
Sam and Germaine coordinating Mississippi.

Upupup, the spiral staircase was an open door and a dark sky. PauLing told me to stay positive and with someone like her telling you to do so, it's hard to beg to differ. So I actually took the view, looking at the glass as half full rather than empty and muttered numerous times- "It's not going to rain. It's not, it's not."
Life doesn’t always go the way we want it to, and unfortunately as people started arriving, the rain clouds started getting scarier, the lightning flashed brighter and the thunder roared louder. Eventually, it rained. Poured.
Know, how on Discovery Channel when they show an African scene and there's a bunch of antelope running away from something in their entire herd? The footsteps down the stairs when the pitter patter of the raindrops grew stronger was how I imagined that wildlife scene to be. Daddy was upstairs pulling down the masks we hung up earlier and there was a bolt of negative charges as the lighting struck but like I said, it's pretty hard to go against PauLings positive bubble so as Adrian and I were taking shoes inside- we selectively selected the, 'pretty' ones. "Uhh, okay we should bring this one in. And this one and- *picks up a pair of guy shoes* nevermind. So the heels though." :)
Downstairs, Upstairs, spiraling around. As the doorbell rang I was in between greeting Brian and his 'ex girlfriend' who came with fruit masks and greeted me with a- "We're fruits!" grin which I must say in the midst of all the commotion made me laugh :) I'd also like to make a special mention to Eugene, who followed the theme very appropriately, so much so that I was quite taken aback when he stepped into the house. With his white mask under a beanie, you would have very nearly mistaken him for an abductor. At least I did, until Germaine shouted- Eugene!
With the help of Rachel, PauLing, YiLin, XinHui and HuiYing, a lameass session of pass the balloon was conducted and an impersonation of Edward Cullen along with Samuel and Germaine coordinating to spell Mississippi with their behind, was carried out.
Yellow lights, pitter patter of the rain, music, and camera flashes constituted the main genre of 'stuffy' and it couldn't have felt better. Eventually the rain dwindled down, the sky cleared and to TeckYans delight- dinner was served.
Mingle, crabstick. Mingle, salad leaf. Mingle, chicken breast. Mingle, nibble. Don't, say that :/
The tall one who surprised me by coming when he said, he wasn't going too.Romeo.
Sandra and her friends, Huey Nin and Li Ann.

The breeze after the wind was breathtaking as mummy called us upstairs for the dismantling of her trifle, after it had been stabbed with seventeen candles in my honour. Poor trifle, it was very pretty :/ Seeing I had been downstairs previously, I was taken back in awe as I stepped onto the candle lit roof with what was left of the balloons we had blown up. The Christmas lights substituted the starless sky due to the rain clouds from before and metaphorically, it felt like being in a swimming pool of ones favourite food item. Just this time, it was everyone around me who really mattered and I couldn't have wished for it to be any other way.
Germaine and Anderson unexpectedly gave their two cents worth and after, I repeated a sentence (which I can't remember) in my equally unexpected speech, repeatedly. I don't do well when it comes to impromptu hmm :)
When you go to Chinese restaurants they play a horrible version of 'Happy Birthday' accompanied with an offbeat melody from the speakers and I cannot stand when that happens. I think it's something about how it necessarily draws attention and in a conversation with Jack he said- "Oh yeahh, sometimes I just clap along for the fun of it even if I don't know the people who are celebrating." thus, my theory is proven correct :) On that night though, the accapella version of Happy Birthday sounded 'Mmph :)'

Mummy makes, thee best trifle. Ever (:
Us, missing Joel Lee.
The God parents.
The gorgeous girls.
The pretty boys.
"Sarah, make sure you don't block TeckYan."
HAHH (:
The Crazy Churchies (:
Benny and JayVee were the only ones who wanted to sit down with me.
I. Absolutely. Love. Pictures.
The girls got Masquerade Masks, and the guys got Frootloops in martini cups. On my seventeenth celebration, I took a picture with Rachel Ho, and got my first ever wasps sting making it thee most memorable picture taken with her ever :D The SAW trio, had our own little cam whoring moment in front of a huge wooden door and they both looked absolutely gorgeous in classy black and white. I can surely conclude, that my Romeo takes a strong liking towards guys which might make him gay :/ seeing he doesn't hump me yet chose to get it on with Nickkk. Pretty parcels were scattered around and wrappers were strewn all over. I sat in the middle of the mess in pure awe of how beautiful each gift was. Despite that beauty though, the moments that night were priceless. I love, hugs from the parents it's the safest thing in the world that I can think of right now.
Xin Hui, aka my Slut.

PauLing who looks, sweet. 'Bloww ;)'
Lalalalalaa.
Carrie Choo (:
"Sarah, your camera makes people look good."
Gorgeous Tsen.
This has to be the most memorable picture I have with Rachel Ho because I got a wasp bite while taking this snapshot. How, awesomely cool is that (:
HuiYingg (:Ivan aka, Steamy.The Tall one, Han Wei,and Jack (:My lovely, Slut and Whore- SAW.Their futile attempts to dismantle the shed.
Daddy :D
trying to kill Benny.
Nickkk and ZerHann (:
Samuel Limm! and Andrew Paul (:
Ger *giggle*maine (:
Liling,
and Tsen.
Lauren Lim, with the Frootloops in the martini cups (:
Bennys interpretation.
My favourite couple.
Schoolies (:
Bouncers ;)
My favourite girls (:
with the tall one.
Adrian and Phye Beng, while we were in the kitchen handling my wasp sting (:
Classic- Oh Em Gee.
The superb supporters.
Romeo's new fetish- Nickkk.
And all too soon, the night which consisted of so much more- ended. I pinched my tummy before dozing of literally and felt a tinge of pain. It wasn't a bad tinge so to say this time- wasn't a pinch which reminded me of what I had there to pinch but it was a jolt of pain which confirmed the magic-esque night had actually happened. I remembered how you told me to go along with it despite the uncertainty it held. I did go along with it and it did like you had said it would- feel like an accomplishment. It felt like an accomplishment which had at the same time, dwindled Bella down a bit more, shut her up and that much more of silence was priceless.
There was a bit of eyeshadow dust on my eye as I fell asleep but I was just too tired to bother about that little bit. Either that, or I just didn't want to wash that little bit of magic away.
"How long have you been seventeen?" -Not long, but it's been experience since I have and that night was definitely my 'seven' part of the 'teen.Thank you all who were there, for being there.
I, Love, You, All (:

Love always, Sarah Lee.

EFF.

Swimming, Weight, Food, Fat, Mirror Reflections, Pouring tears.

Right now I absolutely hate, Singapore.
I might actually swear, but my parents read this blog. And the little bit of Sarah, left- does respect them.
This is going to be the longest sedentary-esque one week of ever. I hate, detest, am utmost disgusted by- sedentary.
Screw. Major- screw.
,
You have to agree, being little seems alot easier sometime. Alot less abstract, complicated, complex. Alot less, tiring. Because- little girls are very rarely analyzers, deconstructers, over thinkers.
Little girls slurp their spaghetti without having to scrutinize, sift, strain and stress out after.
Slurping spaghetti to little girls is as simple as, sipping water is to me.

, (:

It's been a pretty hectic weekend but this time, I'm actually disappointed it's over. This time, what was different was that I also kind of wasn't dreading the week that was going to start. It wasn't an anticipation either it was just a kind of- mmph feeling which was interesting as compared to the- urghs in the previous few weeks.
Exams were over, and that was a major relief. The ability to come back home and not have to stare at a mountain of words which turned into gibberish after a good half an hour was unexplainable bliss despite the fact that the real hard core exam wasn't even half way near finished preparing for. Little things, make such a big happy splash sometimes though. And that is what briefs superb into things when you most need it.
Saturday came and it was a total mix of anticipation and worry. Using my pictorial imagination I looked at the clock every few half an hours and saw the hands move closer to seven. Closer to, Twilight :)
The sun was a pure mind vacuum being in a gorgeous different medium and I'm pretty thankful for it. Which got me to thinking that I don't think I'd do very well in UK seeing it's always wet and cloudy. I also realized, atmosphere like that makes me feel claustrophobic. I, am weird.
Daddy, oh Daddy. Love you Daddy.
Mummy, mm Mummy I love you so much too.
I absolutely detest, how things in life are so easily taken for granted.
Masquerade at Twilight finally happened at a little past seven. The rain and cumbersomeness of having to find an alternative solution was nonetheless present but thanks to an awesome group of friends and family I would not ever trade, the negativity eventually dwindled down to a a minuscule spot of bother which quickly faded among the pretty lights outshining it breeze from the rainfall after, and mild fluorescent moon rays behind the bunch of think clouds.
I've designated a separate post for that so that is basically the jist of a milestone journeyed. Thank you all for being there, every single one of You to name made that night so much more meaningful, memorable and magnificent not only in the moment but even till now.
In name detail, I love every single one of You that was there so thank you :)
Like I said, it's going to be a pretty interesting week. With departures to bid goodbye to, pavements to scrape my knees on and just moments in life to go through. I'm counting on the dust from the magic-esque weekend to pull me through and hopefully it lasts for a longg time.
For now, though- dinner calls.
'Taa love.

Star Fish.

I just spent a few minutes trying to plug Tyler into the computer. His cable wouldn't fit and I was on the verge of getting cranky and worried because he really is sort of my lifeline to this blog thing seeing the internet is screwed up and I cannot prioritize when I start using the actual monitor. Hence, the reason mummy removes the mouse. Then, I suddenly realized- I was fitting the wrong plug in -.-
Bits and pieces-
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There's never, ever definite answers in life. There's never a choice that can be made which guarantees complete fulfillment, contentment and satisfaction. Well, to me at least because I- overthink.

I sometimes wonder how the brain works because in my biology textbook, all it looks like is a mushy piece of spoilt jello. Grey, gooey, sticky. In all honesty it doesn't really look like a very useful organ but that's when they say- never judge a book by it's cover, huh?
Fascinating enough, this useless looking organ is a lot more sinister than it looks. A lot more cunning, sly and to be positive (because daddy says I am an extreme, pessimist) amazing.
The brain gets nerve impulses, processes and then the end result is we get thoughts. Thoughts that can be happy, sad, optimistic, pessimistic, sadistic, sensitive and just about every feeling you have ever felt I guess.
Somehow, in conclusion with my highly pessimistic nature my good thoughts a lot of the time spiral down to ones of fear, intimidation worry and voila- Sarah, is a pessimist.
I wonder, if the end of my nerve chain is negative thought sometimes. Wonder if my train of ideas ends up at a destination where the sign welcomes you with either a- :( a :s or a :/ Because it is extremely frustrating at times how I don't plan at all to start of with a frown or a negative thought. It's just somehow, all the positive ones get taken a step further, thought of a little bit more than necessary in a 100percent natural nature and then the worry, negativity about everything greets me with a sinister smile.
Overthinking, is such a detestful characteristic.
,
Bella, somehow finds a way to step in when she sniffs negative. She finds a way to creep in and make it look like a friend- a companion which isn't ever there to give you good advice or lead you in the right direction when worry comes about, but a companion that is at least- waiting on the phone with a book of rules, guidelines and strict regulations so that at least the chance of having to think further than the negative doesn't come up. This being so because even if the after outcome of a negative thought is a positive one, it could also very well be a negative. Bella, being scared rathers not take chances.
The utmost annoying thing about this whole hoohaa scenario is that as Bella gets more and more strict, rigid, defensive, 'protective', worrisome and scared- she also gets so much more annoying, irritating, frustrating and down right capable of pissing not only myself, but everyone of. The irony which is the hardest to grasp even after 3 years, is that all her attributes before the latter part makes her cling on even tighter. Makes her more deceitful, cunning and a much better liar than when she first started off. But she does it all better. Which is the hardest and most trying part right now to just battle with.
.
It was scary, scary how the three lettered F word, was a lot more scary than the utterly unnecessary four lettered U word. Scary because it shows Bella's ground and how she so strongly seeps in at times.
I hate both words, but somehow I know that had you unnecessarily used the F one instead of the U in your comment which was really downright uncalled for- outloud especially now, I don't even want to think of what the circumstance would have been.
Nonetheless, I cleared my conscience that day and decided to initiate a conversation I didn't really want to have. It started off with a pretty crappy feeling, one where I felt like I had lost, given in or didn't take a stand strong enough. But when I went to bed that night, it was a little easier to blow off than it was when the squabble first started. I didn't feel sorry for you, but I did wish we didn't or hadn't in a sense drifted apart. Maybe, then I wouldn't have had been so clueless as to what was going on with you.
It's pretty sickening to think of how self centered things can make people start out feeling, even if there was a tiny bit of an idea when my first complaint came out. It'd troubling to think that as real as issues are known to exist in my world, it takes that bit of regret- after I have said disappointing things to then realize what you, might be going through too. Mummy, said goodnight to me before I went to bed. And I wished, she could have said goodnight to you, too.
.
Teck Yan, the tall one calls me to ask about a matter and I give him another reason besides the fact that I am muchh shorter than him for him to tease me.
We're on the phone and after awhile it's the normal 'time to go' time. And wait for it, waait for it-
Sarah: .. yeah okay, if anything you just let me know or call me again or something la yeahp? Wait- do you have my number?

Teck Yan: Uhh, Sarah if I didn't have your number, how would I have called and be talking to you now? -.-
*pauses*
Sarah: Ohh, yeaahh. *waits* HOMGG! *slaps head, literally*
.
This might sounds stupid, it might sound utterly obvious and thus make me seem shallow, blonde and completely ignorant. But, I recently realized that wanting, asking or hoping for something never comes free. It requires some sort of effort, work and sacrifice to be put into the phase before that longing, is finally achieved. Irony of it is, sometimes it is so easy to just want, ask, or hope for but completely forget the aspect of effort, work and sacrifice that has to be put in by oneself, in order for that certain fulfillment to happen. One hand cannot clap, and like Mummy implied, "God will work and make it happen. But you, and we have to do our part and not just stay stagnant while waiting also."
It's just so easy, being so- humane isn't it :/
.
But then, there are these kind of days, when the sun is up, I don't mind burning my face and caffeine does its job splendidly.
And that makes everything not seem that, bad :)
.
Did I tell you, me and YiLin have found the joys of MMS? :)
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I have taken a liking to Katy Perry's- Thinking of you.
'You're like an Indian summer in the-
middle of winter.'
Red lips, Big bold eyes and Retro.
Mmh (:
And, Idol finals are on tonight. Buut- I do not have Star World, and I have two Chemistry papers tomorrow. Bleurghh :/
My favourite of the lot in terms of song choice though was Adam's- Mad World.
And Kris's- Heartless was really good too!
I just did a 'YiLin' by posting so many YouTube videos. For some reason, Adam and Kris are both not moving. How, dull :(
Time to get goggle marks (:
As Hui Ying says- Too Rah, Love.

The, regular.

Uno- My eye was itchy, so I dropped a little bit of saline inside in attempt to combat the twitch. While doing so, a drop slid down my cheek and fell into my mouth. Instantly, I realized it was quite amusing how it taste like my tears- salty. I smiled at my discovery and missed the beach and the taste of the salt water. Then I panicked a little realizing that I had absolutely no clue what chemicals had just dripped into my mouth. And also because the saline tasted like, salt :/
Dos- I ran out of toilet paper, so I went to my parents' room and took theirs x) After, I realized how that wasn't a very wise thing to do especially for them- taking their toilet paper. Hehh, whoops :)
Tres- I should really, kick caffeine. I can literally feel my brain depleting. But with exams, tell me how it's going to keep going without :/ Urgh, Weekend to work on it bit by bit
Quatro- I really, really want a personal trainer. Workk, it.
Sinco- I should, be studying Biology and how the human body and plants work right now. I did, attempt in school with YiLin, XinHui and Rachel- a little on my own too but I got reprimanded when I started drawing circles and outlining them with my black inked pen.
"It's *hehh* Froot Loops :)"
Getting glares back from the three of them seeing Bio is starting in about fifteen minutes, I make the decision to not succumb to drawing Froot Loops which is *sigh* way more fun than reading about the human respiratory system and open the book with a, "Okay, what am I supposed to read now, though? :(" Response.
Sces- She's, done (:

*Seven* Andd- did I mention about the Hummer me and Germaine saw in church, then stalked that day?
"Hurry Germaine, take the picture!"
I point at it and suddenly, the owner comes out and on the spot I think of nothing else better to do than lift my hand up to point to the air instead with my mouth in an 'O' and my head going, "You idiot he's going to think you're nuts -.-"Daddy likes to cut in alot (:
I have fun with Germaine (:
I could get in trouble for not scensoring the number plate. But dang, I'm not even supposed to be on the computer now :/
Today is Thursday- so Idol and Americas Next Top Model is on. (Woohp!) I've taken a liking to Jael Strauss, she's quirkyy.
Now, back to Form4- Chapter (something) Bio. Smoking- blechh.
It's the caffeine speaking, I started jumping when I reached the top of the stairs for no reason hmm.
'Taa, love.

Muddle, but Puddle.

Olahh (:
The countless number of days I have neglected this blog is shameful to myself in my opinion but thank you exams and the stupid internet connection. Those two are my only reasonable excuses :) I'm sitting using Daddys computer while he's fast asleep and I just realised how odd my sleeping times can get. For example, I fell asleep at twelve-ish one night and woke up two hours later, read a bit more History fell back asleep and then got up at five again in preparation for a exam which was to be held in a few hours.
.
Seeing I'm using Daddys laptop- I started browsing through some majorly old pictures and found a hand full which are either embarrassing, very embarrassing and plain old mind boggling. In the sense that the, 'WhatintheworldamIdoing?-_-' thought ran through my brain while looking through them.
I really, miss the beach :(

x)

*Random Sarah fact- My fingers don't control the mouse very well and type properly on laptops.
.
The past week and so has been exam filled which means much information about the History of Malaysia, many Malay words and memorizing of pointless Moral statements which really have not much use in real life have been filling my brain. Thank God, for caffeine which is slowly killing my brain but sustaining my many nearly sleepless nights. My eyes are raccoon-esque and I think they are going to stay that way permanently which is something to dread, joyy.
Besides the thoughts of exams and nerd stuff it's been the usual conversations between Bella and Belle. Tiresome, Grueling and downright Draining what with the need to concentrate on subjects which look gibberish enough as they are. With the balancing out of numbers, shiny reflections, nutrition values, arguments, debates and on top of this all- the lack of sleep it has been a little rougher than usual. Not too much, but rougher than tough.
.
*Random Sarah fact- I found out, salt retains water. Thank you Hallmark andTheBiggestLoser.
.
What there is to look forward to and also oddly enough dread at times is the 23rd of May which I keep telling myself- is.just.two.weeks.away. (Pull through it Sarah Lee!) My, Masquerade at Twilight. The invites, have I completed with the help of daddy and a blade at past midnight- which I must say was quite fun for the two of us and I'm pretty glad they're done with :)
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I have officially turned seventeen too, ooh :) In Malaysian terms, that means I can drive but in all honestly the thought of sitting for five hours through a talk only to crash/scratch/stall consecutively a manual car in the middle of the road doesn't seem all that appealing to me. I've had a couple of, "You should let people drive you around instead." and "I'll drive you when I get the car." and those statements have played a big role in my ambivalence to getting my licence done with also.
The 5th of May 2009 was a pretty good one and I'm glad. Thank you to the special few who made my day that much more- 5th May, I do know you know who you are. A rung doorbell, phone calls, texts, wishes, presents and messages on Facebook made the ordinary day a little less ordinary.
I received a text just before the 5th dawned, the middle of being sixteen and seventeen.
"It's an interesting and strange phenomenon, being in the middle of it all huh?"
"Yeah, very bittersweet. A bit frustrating when it means you contemplate on making decisions but I've been told that's what happens as your numbers go up. So that proves I'm really turning seventeen and we're not just imagining huh? :)"
.
Daddy, knows. I'm disappointed in you, disappointed in myself for not taking a stronger stand. But I'm glad this distance, this 'right time' came up in the end. I can't imagine how it would've been otherwise. How many reluctant 'yes's' and none of the 'no's' portraying a faux facade. I'm disappointed in you. I'm disappointed in myself. But there's a relief that it's somewhat over.
.
*Random Sarah fact- I like Thursdays, because they screen American Idol followed by Americas Next Top Model on local channels. Mummy didn't subscribe for E! and StarWorld :/
.
Mummys day was also celebrated just a couple of days ago and I don't have a recent picture but like Stephanie couldn't have said it any clearer when she gave her speech- I Love You, Mummy.
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Faith. Grace. Hope. My future daughters, names.
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*Random Sarah fact- I don't like blog surfing because of reasons inexplicable. Reasons even I myself don't understand. Surfing yours, just makes me feel like poop. Very smelly poop :/ and I don't even know you, ppft.
.
My eyes feel swollen. My eyes, are swollen. Thank you, Bella. You're so weak, Belle. Sarah, where's Sarah?
.
On the radio that day, I heard 'em announce about a Man United and Man City football match and the first thought was that it was going to be held in England, where Adrian was. The second thought that hit me, was that it was going to be the game, which Adrian was going to watch. Which actually left me contemplating on whether I should use my vision deficient eyes and attempt (very hard) to spot him among the crowd of thousands (: My sanity at the back of my head put the chances of succeeding to 1-ALOT so I didn't eventually. Adrian Tan I miss you and hope the UK weather is not causing nose numbness (:
.
I should go to bed so I can wake up at the crack of dawn to tackle Add Maths. And, swim. Swim (:
I'll try to be more regular, and also to have a better week. Tryy.
'Taa, love.

I should be studying History.

Why I do not like swimming on Sundays-

1 I hate swimming when it's crowded. Because
2 -I do not float properly when it gets wavy, I float into other people's paths. Which makes me,
3 -accidentally kick people or,
4 -want to 'accidentally' kick people (as bad as that sounds)
5 The chance of swallowing water by accident, then feeling like my stomach has been invaded by a colony of microorganisms which is horrible is so much higher.
6 It smells alot more funkier with alot of people inside, which makes me feel pretty gross above everything else already.
7 Speedos on certain people are way- scary :/
8 Little children jump and scream and swim right into you , making the the 'little' in them so easily ignor-able. (I don't think that word exists)
9 Given the fact I already can't see without my contacts, there's even a higher chance of passing somebody and ignoring them- when the fact is I actually can't see them, as there are more people to well, miss.
10 I hate swimming when it's- crowded :/
.
"why do we fall, sir? So that we might learn to pick ourselves up." - Alfred, to Bruce Wayne. "Batman Begins" (2005)
In honour of Eugene and our very close birthdays- His is on May 3rd.
(Ohh, for a fact Joanne Yu I know this is Beckhams birthday too (:)
So a little something for you Joanne- the footballer who has stayed married for the longest I know- Kudos to you Beckham (:
May your marriage continue with your very awesomely cool named kids.
Happy Belated by a day- hope you had a good one although I merely mouthed 'Happy Birthday' from my seat-Sorry- had too (:Eugene- "Eyh, we should combine our bithdays. Do a foam party."
Sarah- o____O? Indeed, we shall. When I'm legal (:
.
Now, I shall go study History while walking around in circles and talking to myself. Very, literally.
Sigh, historical Malaysia. *shakes head*
'Taa love.

Wordplay.

It's exactly a week old, this draft saved in Tyler and that shows how much I need to work on my procrastination skills. It's been a brain cramming week, what with exams coming up, juggling endless thoughts, thinking, analysing, processing and ending up more brain dead than when I first started.

I have to say, getting past this one weeks an achievement in itself and I'm pretty glad it's over. Now comes the next one to face- joyy :/
There are quite a number of words and black and white is starting to creep me out so here and there are random pictures courtesy of Tyler too and very outdated Blogthings was my temporary fetish.
On a very random note though, a msn conversation box just popped out on my screen from someone which I have no idea who he is or where he's from. But I think, he's German- is 'bien' a German word? Hmm, 0_0 Now, while I delete his contact-
,
'One, Two, Three, Four, Tell me that you love me more.'
-1234, Feist.
1 I realised, the smell of ketchup somehow makes me want to gag. Ironically though, I think salsa smells sexy.
2 There's this mild paranoia I realised that is in me- to worry about my appendix bursting and me having to go for an operation and being bed riden for a bit in time. Along with that though, comes a whole string of other worries I have which might not make sense to some people, but is evidently quite real to me because of the certain things I realised I tend to do at times. Kind of fascinating, but what got me thinking I guess was when the question- "So dare you face your phobias?" got thrown at me. Cause really, do I?
3 With the whole Twilight craze being a little bit more mundane now- comes a new tv series on Cinemax called True Blood. The vampires have "..ohh you know th Carrie Understood-ish accent?" in which Keith replied me- "I think it's called the Alabama accent." -.-
"Owhh. :D"
4 Speaking of Twilight, I quote Bella Swan- How long have you been, Seventeen.
Twilight, is defined as the time before the sun rises or after the sun sets. People parading around in Masquerade masks is the current fantasy in my head. I'm contemplative but excited at the same time. So for now, as Jason Soon says- Watch this space. :)

You Are Dusk

You are a naturally idealistic and creative person. You look forward to nights where everything is possible. You spend most of your energy on play. Work is okay, but the true you emerges after the work day is done. You're an offbeat type that doesn't like rules or schedules. Life's too short to waste at a desk in a cube. Whether you spend your night socializing or working on side projects, you like that your time is yours.

Note- I like quizzes (:
5 Dear JoelLee, we miss you. And please reply me texts, sheeysh -.- I commented on your Facebook picture, go figure. I miss you :)
6 Bright multicolouredfigures. Like stars in the sky- there's always this urge to want to reach out and touch them, but the fact that doing so is impossible, hinders it all. The thought of a vast universe of stars out there, makes one feel incredibly small in comparison to all its splendour. In that brightly litted room, Belle felt as such. Largely, clumsily, inadequate. Tiny- she wishes but inadequate is a better word in this context. Like a little girl putting makeup on in the adults department, only to have it smudge all over. Like a lightbulb in the middle of an open field with the stars ourshinning her above.
7 I came to realise, that the two boys I really have come to be attached to especially these past months, are Tyler and Caspian.
8 Certain things as 'different' as the are, always seem to come in pairs to me. Like- Salt and Pepper. Sun and Showers. Princesses and Frogs. Beauty and Pain. It was a case this time of as such- Sarah, swam Bella, though still counted. But, the sky which was not black nor white but this time grey, then cleared and a streak of bright light started shinning through eventually. I remembered what you said that- "It's about finding a shade of grey sometimes, Sarah." and there was a tinge of calmness, which did feel somewhat- good.
9 It's funny how the effect of things only start to get to me after awhile has passed. For example, I started crying in kindergarten, a few weeks after everyone else had stopped and settled down.
'Do you catch a breath, when I look at you? Are you holding back, like the way I do?' as temporary as I know it might be, its a small sign of not being 'a little too not over you.' and right now- that somewhat minuses complicated from the equation a little bit.
10 I want to become an old lady who takes longg evening walks. Right now though, I'm pretty sure I'm going to become an old lady with creaking knees, dangit :/
11 I don't like all kids, in total honestly. Its something like the way shopaholics don't like, all types of shoes. Somehow though, these bunch of Caucasian kids caught my eye. Maybe because of their accents, their light streaked hair and their names- they had pretty exotic names. This particular little girl, not more than three years of age I'm sure was named -Sky. She was a brunette with blonde highlights in her fine hair, clad in a green checkered kids bikini and wore a smile along with her almond button eyes.
There's an unexplainable effect slides have on kids that makes them go on them over and over again without getting bored. My theory, is that it's the exhilarating thrill of the rush and wind when they're coming down. Water slides, what with the water being a major plus point must therefore increase the exhilaration by an infinite amount.
Little Sky, had just finished coming down from the slide and her little legs were on auto to climb up the stairs for yet another round. Running as fast as she can, she made her way up the slippery stone steps when all of a sudden, in a blink of an eye she slipped and right in front of me- fell down on her side.
It was as if time froze for a few seconds when I saw her sprawled on the ground. Sky was resting on one elbow but her back had impacted with the floor. She did not react instantly but while those few seconds started to move on, her eyebrows started to crease, her button eyes drooped a little from the almond shape they were just moments before, and her mouth started to form a frown. All the symptoms when one is on the verge of crying. I wasn't sure if she was going to but nevertheless, I felt like for her sake- I wanted too. I wanted to pick her up and rewind time back so that her little back would not be rested on the cold slimy ground and the hurt she must've felt would magically disappear. I waited in those few seconds, for tears to start dropping and for cries to sound in that huge space without any walls to keep echoes in, but after what seemed like forever- they didn't come. From the back of her, I heard a tiny voice and eventually saw two little legs emerge from the shallow baby pool. Little Seth, was right behind her and he said in the most innocent voice- "Are you okay, Sky? Come onn, Sky- let's go again. Are you okay? Get up Sky, let's go." while saying this, he never stopped looking back while his little feet brought him once again up to the top of the slide. He was moving on, running ahead of Sky- but Seth never stopped looking back to ensure Sky was alright.
My eyes diverted back to the little brunette girl I had fallen in love with, the one that was lying on the ground, the one I was expecting to cry at any moment. Slowly, with the creased eyebrows, drooped eyes and frown on her face- Sky started to get up. Her teary eyes didn't drip a drop as step by step although with much hesitation in the beginning, she slowly made her way up the stone steps with much caution.
I could see the contemplation, worry and uncertainty as Sky decided whether she should slide down once again, or go crying back to her Mummy who was already waiting safely in the pool below. There was that risk of stumbling, getting hurt and feeling the pain should she take the chance of sliding down that lovely water slide, but if she went back to her Mummy- the exhilaration and thrill of sliding down which she loved, would she no longer have.
It took me a few moments when I saw Sky at the top of the blue plastic object with her mouth in a much more upward curve from the time she had fallen down, to realise that Sky had picked the earlier option. Sky had taken a risk, overcame a challenge and eventually made it to the top where the fruit of her effort as small as it might seem to others, could be thoroughly enjoyed. Sky had been brave, courageous.
Sky had gotten up after she had fallen down. And the outcome, the end result- to me and just as much to her I'm sure was just absolutely, beautiful.
12 Penciling, gives alot more variation than drawing in pen. Which's why when I ask people if they want a pencil or pen to write with, I find it quite fascinating when they say- either one is fine. I'm pretty fussy, an extreme perfectionist when it comes to certain things. So much so that it becomes bad for my own good.
Back to the penciling- sure it smudges, gets white ceaseless paper dirty with its fine lead specks. Being prone to edgy-ness when things aren't clean, spotless, flawless, perfect- you'd think that I would refrain from using pencils as much as I can, if I can help it. I won't beg to differ, because that is true at times.
Somehow though, while I was penciling my masquerade mask down, detailing her hair, eyes and patterns I realised- that by using pencil, my masquerade figurine didn't turn out black nor was the paper left spotless white. By using pencil, a fictional character was portrayed bit by bit in various shades of this, neither black or white but grey. Grey, is in the middle of black and white. It is in between making it neither here, nor there. Not, all or nothing seeing it's caught in between. Something, a perfectionist at times finds hard to grasp.
Ironically while holding ms. Masquerade Figurine up and observing, inspecting and spotting what else needed to be added, and what flaws I needed to correct on her I realised while looking at her in the shade between black and white- that it was this grey that was able to bring her to, life.
13 I love, my H20.
14 Screw the Cafe Mocha, by the stupidskinnyStarbucks Barrister. Soy Cafe Latte? Hmm :/ Dang, Malaysian Starbucks.

You Are an Espresso

At your best, you are: Straight shooting, ambitious, and energetic At your worst, you are: Anxious and high strung You drink coffee when: Anytime you're not sleeping Your caffeine addiction level: High

Haha, how's that? (:
15 Shut up, Bella.
But- 'You don't, mean that.'
'Ohh :'/'
16 'You're going to be seventeen. It gets harder, the toughest to let go when you reach nineteen, twenty..' 'Down the road, do you want this?'
'Grey.' Grey.
17 It's not that I don't trust you. I just don't necessarily, believe you.
,
And that's about it for the past week. I turn seventeen in two days, ooh :) In three days, I start grueling exams- dang. I need to shop for masks, a waist clinching belt, black pumps and balloons. And study :( Sound appealing? Well, you can help me then :) You can be sure I also hope you have a nice week because I know with fingers crossed I hope I do, mmph.
'Taa lovely.