The (A)Frayed.

-I have to say, I'm pretty proud of myself for going to school three days in a row this week and on a good note, my class people are really- fun. And I didn't need a thesaurus or dictionary to come up with that, description ;)
-Your, picture folder went missing this week. It's a was a scary situation, confusing coincidence, and obscure occurrence. Ironic thing is, I just asked myself days before, why I couldn't just delete you.
Looks like, I didn't have to do it myself. I don't know if I am glad, sad, relieved, disappointed and I'm still trying to figure out- what it is exactly that I miss about you. Thing is, I can't answer that, so maybe just maybe, miss isn't the correct word to use.
-I am hating, this life-LEE-ness. But, I don't know now to combat with rights seeing I have accumulated an infinite amount of wrongs already.
"..you must be so proud of her."
" I wouldn't mind, being a part of your family."
For both comments, I didn't exactly know what to say so I kept quiet and the guilt just raised its amount that much more.
This went beyond a mild white lie, it fell into the category of fraud, fake and failure. All the above who somehow over the years with the help of Bella, learnt to cover up all those enormous flaws, with a temporary masquerade mask.
-I did nine this time round. Because the sky was cloudy, the water was murky and at the back of my head as much as Bella told me not to listen to this statement, it wasn't pure.
-Another fortnight cycle. A cycle I am beginning to get tired of, loathe and just become numb towards.
-The brother comes back on Saturday and I am in all honesty, beyond the excitement- jittery. A more mellow word, for a monstrous terrifying feeling I am trying to suppress.
-I bruised my forehead in the playground when I fell and it swelled up. You took me to the hospital although I told you I didn't think I needed to. I was right, the doctor sent me home and said the swelling should go down in a few days. The next day in church, I had a blue forehead and wanted to leave to go home as soon as possible in the midst of covering my forehead with whatever strands of bangs I had.
I bruised my head on the wall at home today. It was a sudden shock of pain, just like when I fell down. This time you didn't take me to the hospital, you inflicted it. You didn't bring me to see a doctor, you put ice on it and rubbed it with medicine. I wanted to leave, just I wasn't sure to where I wanted to go. Sad fact is, I have noone else to blame, but myself. Screw Sarah, screw.
-I don't, like this. It's like beginning to fall, uncontrollably. :/
Sun's somewhat up so off to go to H20.
'Taa, Love.

A.

I don't know why it's so hard to tell you to shut up, get lost go away and just- let. you. go.
when there are times that I hate, detest and find you so utterly despicable.
How much you've sucked away, how much you hinder, how much you scare and how persistent you are in staying.
There's a contemplative pull towards both sides when something pretty walks by. The urge to follow that pretty, leave you behind and persist on attempting to beautify. And then, you speak out and negativity rises as fast as a rush of water when a dam breaks open. You tell me to block everything else out and just focus on you. On running, moving, swimming, loosing.
Because I think, deep down- you are actually really really, scared and insecure and worried. You wonder, ponder and would just rather stick to something tangible than deal with the invisible things which are not physically controllable. You, are terrified. And that terrifies me even more, too.
You are getting so, frustrating. And now, I'm not the only one who is starting to hate me uncontrollably- screw you.
.
ivanlimhuan-wen. says:
When i grow up, i wanna be rich.
SarahLee. says:
I wanna grow up, and be happy.
It's hard right now, with how strong you stand on certain views.
Happy- It is being able to see the brighter side of things when worry, upset and negativity creeps up. It is living, life.
Because you are somewhat fictional, you don't live. And that is why as messed up as it is, the truth is I don't have a life right now.
'The chains of habit are too weak to be felt, until they are to strong to be broken.' -Samuel Johnson.

BaBa, Burst.

Olahh :)
It's been a bit since an update. I don't really know if there hasn't been that much to say, or I'm not ready to publish certain things just as yet because writing wise- it's not like there hasn't been any. They're just stored in Tyler's 'more detailed' folder.
I doo, have a few pictures he's captured with me lovely boy :)
-This is me, attempting to direct my Sim called Sara around Sim-ville using Gadiy's eye-touch I have big fingers, which contributes to my lack of direction in attempting to make Sara go places.Eugene bought me Starbucks this week! :D-Speaking of Ipods, Rachel Ho and me have decided to coordinate our intentions of purchasing an eye-pod-classic where after, we randomly came up with possible email addresses. I like, sitting next to you miss :) *glare*
-Last random picture I had of someone in my phone was Sam. When I opened my gallery this week, it was this I found- Keith and Adrian :)-Romeo bit me. ROMEO, BIT ME :( While I was trying to wrap him up and play with him in his blanky which used to be Sandra's when she was younger, the boy bit me. He did, apologise after though by licking me and looking at me with his ready tear filled eyes. Howw, do you get angry at that? :(
-Swimm, :) :), :)
-Happy Birthday Daddy Dearest.You are selfless, loving and strong above so many other unexplainably wonderful qualities. You are awesome, and I love you very, very much.
-Statements of the day;
1 "Hey Sarah, you know Lady GaGa doesn't wear pants? :)" -Teck Yan Tall.
2 Sarah: I wanna take up kickboxing. You want you want? :)
Yi Lin: Ooh, yes lets take up kickboxing then I can punch you :)
Sarah: -.- Noo, lets take up kickboxing so I can protect myself from you.
-Xin Hui suggested we take up lifeguard-ing to get certificates for fun. Apparently, cpr is required and we have to learn how to knock someone out unconscious to somehow keep them alive if they're in dire condition. So for about fifteen minutes in the Physics lab, we were both pressing our necks in various areas hoping to find that exact nerve spot which would knock us out.
"Uhh, so what happens when we find that spot and knock ourselves out then?" :/
And that, is about it.
'Taa lovely.

P'uu'l.

Crimson red nails against a dark baby blue.

Ripples of water waves making patterns in accordance to the movement of the humid unnerving wind.
She hesitates but says, just one more.
It isn't orgasmic today, it is contemplative, confusing, cloudy, conceited, cruel.
She has jumbled up voices in her head blasting from what seems to be just one microphone, one speaker, one mouth.
They tell her it is not, just one voice. It really is two unsettled, insecure girls playing a game of who can do it better without flaws in her head. Two girls who are extremists and only take black or white without a shade of grey.
They are loud, they are extremely persistent and selfish, giving no chance or allowance for the other. They have ideas in their heads that they cannot give exceptions to it's this or that, up or down, black or white- do or die.
There's always that thrill, when watching a spy film isn't there? Maybe it's the anticipation of whether a mission will be accomplished successfully, an objective will be achieved. Or maybe, it's the suspense and worry about whether a certain being will get caught for doing something that he/she is not supposed to be doing. Caught for doing that secretive task with the knowing that somehow, they are in the wrong. That thrill, sends excitement down ones spine, adrenaline pumping through ones body. All knowing that it is still involving something ethically- wrong.
I won't say it is easy to stop the movie right in the middle and say- "Spying is wrong. Let's all watch Barney."
At the same time, I cannot deny the fact that at the back of my mind the worry of mister/miss actor/actress getting caught is there. That's the whole point of thriller- to cause suspense.
She hesitates as she hears-just one more. Who exactly says that, she's not sure. But she takes the second option, knowing she might hate herself for doing so. She might hate, hit, hurt for not listening to the thrillers that constantly play in her mind because they have a bigger identity than she does, right now. They have a more definite name, individuality and persona that she has ever known herself to have. Yet, she does it. Not because she is beginning to identify, recognize or love herself more. But because she is although extremely minuscule, there. She is there without a mouth, without a say and without a definite stand as the both of them have. Nonetheless, she is there. And with that tiny ray of hope on that disappointingly cloudy day she is somewhat- tired.
Tired of having no mouth and really no idea of what she wants at all, and listening to the ongoing feud of Bella and Belle.
She is there. Disgusting, grossed out, displacing so much space, insecure, unstable despite her huge base are but most of all- scared.
She is too tired, to cry. Too tired of hating.
She remembers the bright contrast of that frangipani and all its purity. Knowing that she is scared of the photographer and who she actually was, yet somewhat wanting to relive the life captured inside the photograph.It is not, a love just yet.
Whoever does not Love, does not know God. Because, God is Love.
-1 John 4:8
And that somehow, although extremely hard to decipher- scares her. The not Loving, and not Knowing..
-I have a really pretty tennis racket thanks to Daddy and the country where the swine flu started but heyhoo- I can't play tennis -.- The pretty pearl pink gives me 'nuff reason to want to learn though. Come swing balls out of the court in every possible wrong direction with me?
-*Bump* Ohh! Ivan :)
*Bump* Ohh! Kieran :)
'Can I have a tall coffee please?'
*RingRing* Homg!- Fei Xiang :)
I like, three in ones.
-I don't like clicking on something I know I don't necessarily like seeing. They say, curiosity killed the cat. It sure messed up this one big time.
So I think, I somewhat wish I could just- delete you. I've sent you to the recycle bin- now I wish I could erase you completely from there.
Too close, too fast, too soon.
Bye bye, Butterfly (:

Fouteen. Ish.

Their hands are entwined into each others.
Their breathing breaths are almost identical. Monotonous, slow and at the same steady pace seeing it is in the wee hours of morning only.
Their silent conversations as she whispers, smiles and he returns back her gestures in a soft spoken tone filled with gentle, caring love- are the only form of human existence I hear. Other than that it is just bright lights, and the whirring of the cars wheels as the wind beats on it, while it is cruising down the already slightly busy highway.
The small laughs, first thing in the morning as the sun is still hidden behind the sea and only a dark musty moon in seen in the sky. Small laughs, small talk, small glances at one another- An enormous amount of genuine, true, love.
Their hands are entwined into each others. They don't know I am watching, but I am.
I am watching in silence, not thinking out loud, while feeling somewhat serene that this is what I'm seeing at dusk already.Koo, look what me and San found :D
I miss you.
.
-I wonder, if it's possible to swim from Singapore to Malaysia.
Cause then screw the passports, I'd just jump into the sea :D
-I think, braces are wayy cool :)
-The clean country, didn't feel as grimy this time. Must've been my new found lucky headband, the new IPanemas on the soles of my feet, or the fact that with Daddy having just come back from the US, he scared all the negative aura away. Swine flu alert ;)
-I get my swimming back. And it is, orgasmic x)
-I hate, having a conscience. Yet when it isn't that prominent at th time that Bella is stronger I feel all crappy. Sigh, humans are so confusing beings it gets so tiring at times -.-
-Please. Stop. Throwing. Things. At. Me. When. I. Can't. Handle the 'Small'. Things. As. It. Is. (dangit)
-"Do what you have to, okay?"
Mmph, conscience :/
-And, the boy who never lets me down even if I smell from a run. Or hasn't, yet (:

.
'Taa, love.

Bored-dy.

There's always the fine print at the bottom of bargain signs. Always the fine print in a much smaller font size as compared to the bold, large font which promotes the offer of an item.

Fine, print.
Straight away, fine gets related in my head to something good. Flawless, perfect, fine. It holds another meaning and in this context that meaning is the one used- fine means intricate, detailed, small, un-obvious.
There was a clothes rack and a pile of colourful garments hung from the metalic hangers side by side. It said-
'50% off. Terms and conditions apply.'
Terms and conditions apply.
It was then, that I realized how similar you were to the rack of clothes and its signage. How I was able to relate you to the last part of the advertisement came as not much of a surprise when I started to think about it.
You- advertise something so beautiful, captivating, alluring, flawless. What could be wrong with you now, right?
But somehow, the fine print you have written below you is only seen and understood when one draws nearer and is within eye range. It is only when one is within close proximity that the fine print becomes visible- terms and conditions apply.
Those terms and conditions you set out, lay down and make strict rules out of then make the alluring part of your advertisement a little more contemplative, indecisive and confusing for one to decide on whether it is good or bad.
But then, you have drawn me into such close range already. And stepping out of that range, is the hardest part because like the clothes rack, even with the fine print written there- it doesn't make the colourful garments any easier to abstain from browsing through.
Fine print, sometimes isn't all that fine I think.
.
I,

have,

blood,

red,

nails.

:D

-I had to get my big toe done two times because while waiting for my toes to dry my leg cramped from being in a stagnant position for too long. Therefore I accidentally kicked an object in the pedicure place by accident.
-In attempts to not damage my paint job, I was walking in an awkward way with my toes clenched out and on my heels. Therefore, I fell while walking into the front entrance of my house.
-I was fooling around with mummys mascara and halfway through, I think I got abit of it in my eye. Therefore, I panicked, removed my contact lens and had a slightly red eye for a few hours after.
-Andd, I have snipped of the layers on my hair. The hairdresser I suspect might have been a tad bit gay because despite her (slightly overly) friendliness, she asked me if I liked her hair and whether I thought she looked like a boy o_. ?
That left me a little more uncomfortable in my seat in addition to the hair which already was poking me at the back.
Now, I know why 'beauty' is always related to pain -.-
-Speaking of this emoticon, '-.-' I accidentally did this, '-'-' that day and I got the funniest response, "Haha, looks like it's an Indian."
-Whyy, thank you for having clicked on this link and surprisingly order a pretty charm in for me.
*breathes out* :D
-Saturday, Sunday, Monday :/
Tuesday :) ?
Ohh, and- Dear Sloo,
I miss you.
Been thinking bout you wonderwoman.
Love, Love.
'Taa, pretty.

Pixie.

-I got a shirt today- my aunty, Sandra and Mummy couldn't agree more in terms of its suitability for me when they saw it. I couldn't agree more.
I've yet to take a picture of it but then again if we go by their theory a picture isn't necessary- you might, know it if you see me wearing it- suspense, go figure (:
-My aunty is a total cosmetic fanatic.
Today, while I was playing around with Dior Kiss Candy Floss lip gloss, I stated in a total random moment, "Did you know that there's fish scales in lip stick? I'm smearing fish on my lips :D"
She paused, and then went kind of numb while her mouth kind of went like this- :s After a few moments she said looking slightly disturbed, "Ohh, I didn't know that :/"
Maybe, I should learn to shut up a little more :)
-If you keep up with my blog, you would know that I am currently into Americas Next Top Model as bad as it is for me. Being lifeless in the early morning I decided to YouTube the finales so I now, am well updated on each runway show.
I now, am also a little bit more towards the fact that I am pretty sadistic. because my favourite two runways have messups.
Cycle 7- The gorgeous ladies's dress tears.
And Cycle 9- The man on stilts falls down.
Haha, you have to admit it is pretty funny (:
This pointless blogging thing just proves- that I am being completely useless.
Oh my, now didn't we see that coming?
G'night, Love

Stinko.

I wonder, how plastic feels.
I wonder, how it feels without.
I wonder, when and if it will ever be without.
I wonder what it will be like, without.
I wonder if I would remember, if I woke up tomorrow without.
I wonder, if I have really ever wished I was ever without.
.
Morning, Salt face -____--My lower teeth, hurt. I am wondering though, if it is psychologically due to XinHui having had a tooth ache on Saturday.
-I want, to wander around aimlessly with someone and photoshoot them. All because, I miss the sun, summer collections are out and I like, colourful. And also, because I feel like bonding with Caspian but still objects are getting boring. So, you- want? (:
-Fcuk designed a pair of black rimmed glasses, and I have booked 'em. I call this being a nerd with no brain 8) I screwed up my exams results, dayumm.
-Floral high waisted skirts, Sun kissed skin, Pastel colours, Hippie headbands, Wavy Summer Hair, Flipflops, the Beach.
-.. the swimmingg. :( Six more frickin days.
-I just browsed through Flickr- and now I highly emphasize my second point.
-And to add a little bit of colour and for Samantha, I mean- Glamm Samm ;)-.- Without a doubt the most interesting picture I found without warning in my gallery.
Take one, two, three.
After, eggs, mudd, boomboompow with YiLin and a 'frequent' bus which took awhile to arrive.
Haha, buncha the funniest people I know.
Andd, like ohgawsh Steven Strait with his dragonball like stunts in The Covenant (:
Wooh.
*swoons*
ANTM now- Wooh (: what a horrible time to be watching this show.
'Taa love.